Please support me to fight the separation anxiety

If it helps, I’m right there with you. Recovering AP. I stepped away a month ago. I remind myself daily that he will step up or not, on his own. If he wanted to make us work, he would find a way. I went round and round the mountain with him 16 mos after he broke up with me. I reached out and accepted bread crumbs. I participated in a casual, sexual relationship devoid of feeling or emotion on his end. No emotional support, empathy or willingness to change. I finally just had to stop compromising my standards for a man who wouldn’t step up for me. I had to stop making excuses for him and accommodating him. No contact took my power back. It will take your power back. I don’t have ill feelings for him- I believe he meant me no harm. Regardless, I needed my power back. I needed to stop the hurtful pattern.

No contact gives you time to heal. Time isn’t the enemy your anxiety causes you to feel it is with every passing hour. You need time. Not giving my ex the benefits of a relationship (sex) without a relationship was a step in valuing myself and setting up healthy boundaries. Set boundaries to protect your heart from further pain.

As an AP moving toward secure- I needed to learn to love and accept myself and find validation within. The time and space triggers were staples for me in my AP ways, but those triggers are diminishing as I grow in my security. They will diminish for you, too.

Practically speaking, I’ve watched many helpful videos that keep me on track and I pray for fresh resolve. I’ve removed all reminders of him from my sight. I turn off any songs that bring him to mind. It’s hard, but I know I’m doing the right thing by not compromising my needs and wants and that helps me to not reach out. Focusing more on the logical side of my brain opposed to the emotional helps me make better choices that aren’t driven by my heart.

I have bad moments and I still cry just about every day, but I cry for a shorter amount of time and I’m able to pick myself up and move on. We deserve partners who have our backs and love us the way we deserve to be loved.

The time and space is less overwhelming if you take it hour by hour, day by day. The sun setting isn’t a time to feel panic and anxiety over facing another 24 period apart- nightfall is just a time for rest. Same as the day, only with rest. The sun will set and rise and you’ll be okay. Sleep is just a short period. Then the day starts anew.

Be kind and loving to you. Do what brings you joy and comfort...set up safeguards to keep you strong. You can do this- one minute at a time 💗

nope. nothing to say unless he asks genuinely. you asked for an outcome that you want/need for your own benefit, and that is all you need. the process of arriving there is irrelevant to him and only to you for your own self-understanding and self-evolution.

well his best isn't what you need. it's not about insufficiency, it's about incompatibility. you can still love someone but not want to be together as a pair. it's really about making it clear for yourself what is the point of a relationship - the practical functions of a relationship is for you, as well as spiritually and psychologically. for me now, it's about being compatible as partners that's important - i want to find a good team mate to co-create life with, and I really dont want to be partnering with someone who is amazing as is but we aren't a good team together. that's just... a cramp on everyone's style. if we're amazing as is but not together, then it's best that we appreciate that amazingness from a distance so that it can be kept beautiful as it is.

if you truly respect that he has done his best and it's not making you happy, then walking away and letting it be is the BEST thing you can do for him. 

Thanks for differenting love and partnership! It’s spot on, and make more sense then “normal friend” that suggest a “selfish kind” of love.

Thank you for sticking here, patiently and gently guiding the my crazy mind.

He has my love and blessing from afar, and it’s easier to let go this way. Thanks a million, and wish you all well in your journeys too.