Just want the loving man I know back..

Here you go, it's from Jeb's page, the studies are cited by him.
jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/type-anxious-preoccupied/

I read a kind of abusive and controlling AP in the OP's post, and responded with an opinion that wasn't welcome.
My take on forum participation, I shared in a thread about why we are here- in the general forum. If you go on the internet to write a tale like that, you might expect some controversial feedback. Her behavior as narrated by her was pretty controversial, not sure I see the sensitivity in it.

sissyk As far as the ability to understand your audience and tailor your message: I'll push back on that because it really goes both ways.
What I read, as a DA, is a controlling AP with horrible boundaries posting on an internet forum with DA participants, about her aggressive behavior toward a DA ex. And, in spite of this ex's clearly stated wish to be left alone, she appeared here to let us know she feels that he should participate in the civil contact she feels she is entitled to. This is all red flag behavior in my eyes, (including the arrest after inappropriate physical contact. )

Im her audience. I've got something to say in response that she won't like. And, I'm saying it anyway. It's controversial.

I have no issue responding to this with a blunt assessment of what I see. She asked for opinions and advice. I gave it. Unfortunately for her, my opinion and advice was not geared toward sympathizing with her predicament, it was geared toward sympathizing with her ex partner's predicament ,concerning her. I'd expect any DA coming on here narrating controlling and over-the-line behavior toward their AP partner, to hear about it. Without a bunch of bubble wrap and soft pedaling. Is that terrible? Then I'm terrible.

Perhaps she will be dissuaded from behaving in ways that violate his civil rights so he can progress his education in peace. Perhaps she will see that her behavior is damaging and even criminally prosecutable.

Perhaps it would be a great time to start a discussion about the very real correlation between anxious preoccupied attachment style and intimate partner violence.

This is a discussion board and some topics segue very well into discussions about some of the more serious and even dangerous potentials in these dynamics. I myself have encountered physical violence stemming from anxious hostility, in years past. This potential is also listed in the article I linked to on Jeb's page. Not all AP's cross physical boundaries, but some do, and she did. Not all AP's insist or feel entitled to unwanted contact, but some do, and she did.

I believe there are studies linked on this board, showing a relationship between anxious attachment and domestic abuse. I take it seriously, and I am not apologetic about that.

Is this saying that only AP's are potentially abusive? Of course not. Is this saying that all AP's are potentially abusive? Of course not. But here we have an AP behaving in ways that cross the line in my opinion (and apparently that of law enforcement as well, see a link I shared in a previous post on that.)

I don't feel a need to pussyfoot around this issue.

I enjoy the back and forth hurly burly from many perspectives, personally. (From my Googling that reference is ONE 1987 study--so a thin reed to make an off-putting blanket assertion on like it was handed down on a stone tablet. Is coffee good for us? Or bad? One study is not truth.)  

When I read OP's story, I saw it as much more shaded. Yes, attachment MIGHT be ONE of the variables. But no sleep for days? Hospitalized? Police? This does not fit neatly into a black and white attachment theory. It is not an us vs them. I agree that it is doing no one any good to continue something that has become toxic.  But I read OP as someone struggling with a lot of things and reaching out for connection in a potentially safe harbor. 

If you want to help someone like that, I think you want to make them feel comfortable enough to hang around a bit and then dole out the advice at a pace that they can digest.  APs have our shortcomings, but we have a finger to the wind in how our actions are going over with the other person and adjust as needed. 

I think there is room for all types of response here. The original poster basically described assaulting her ex, continuing to contact him when he asked her not to, refusing to leave his home, etc. That is beyond "not okay" -- imagine if it were a description of a man treating a woman like that (in fact, I've been the woman in that situation, a couple of times, with AP men, and I was FA). I'm glad nullified called out the behaviour. Being supportive is one thing, but indulging someone's abuse of another is something else. 

I'm fine with us disagreeing too. I have no expectations for you...Im just posting my perceptions of how posts may come across and expressing my different default settings.

Calling me the hall monitor actually gives me a slight inkling of your perceptions of my posts.

But I sincerely appreciate we can see things so differently and articulating those differences is itself helpful in the bigger goal of understanding different types.