Post by number9 on Mar 21, 2019 17:36:09 GMT
*Maybe if I keep trying, things will be different this time...
*If I keep trying, I'll prove my worthiness/loyalty/truth/true love
*Why did I do/say not do/not say? I said too much/ I said too little
*I don't understand what just happened / I wish I understood what just happened
*Why don't they want to communicate? Should I try again to communicate?
*Do they think this is my fault, that I should have done something differently? Do they think it's their choice? My choice?
*What did they mean when they said/wrote X, Y and Z? What did they think I meant when I said/wrote A, B and C?
*I want to let go/ I don't want to let go/ I can't let get/ How do I let go / want to/ don't want to....
etc etc.
It's kind of ridiculous-sounding when you write it out but when you're living it out it just feels like some sort of attempt at truth.
I can relate to this with my avoidant and having these thoughts before learning attachment. I was lost in anxiousness unfamiliar to me.
I'll add.
*Maybe if I keep trying, things will be different this time...
*If I keep trying, I'll prove my worthiness/loyalty/truth/true love
*Why did I do/say not do/not say? I said too much/ I said too little
*I don't understand what just happened / I wish I understood what just happened
*Why don't they want to communicate? Should I try again to communicate?
*Do they think this is my fault, that I should have done something differently? Do they think it's their choice? My choice?
*What did they mean when they said/wrote X, Y and Z? What did they think I meant when I said/wrote A, B and C?
*I want to let go/ I don't want to let go/ I can't let get/ How do I let go / want to/ don't want to....
*If I keep trying, I'll prove my worthiness/loyalty/truth/true love
*Why did I do/say not do/not say? I said too much/ I said too little
*I don't understand what just happened / I wish I understood what just happened
*Why don't they want to communicate? Should I try again to communicate?
*Do they think this is my fault, that I should have done something differently? Do they think it's their choice? My choice?
*What did they mean when they said/wrote X, Y and Z? What did they think I meant when I said/wrote A, B and C?
*I want to let go/ I don't want to let go/ I can't let get/ How do I let go / want to/ don't want to....
*OMG What. Am. I. Doing?? I know better. I am worthy. Just STOP these thoughts.... Its not me, while not perfect, its not me. Just STOP, what is wrong with me right now?!
^Yes! Just STOP these thoughts! They are incessant -- all through the day. I'm still "dating" the man in question, see him once a week, but he "loves me but isn't in love with me." We were together (living apart) for more than 7 years and I am obsessed with the questions you listed. I've started seeing a counsellor and she is suggesting EMDR, which I will try. Recently I learned some things about my early childhood that probably account for why I'm such an FA/AP (now super AP).
Another thought-loop is around this sort of thing: "Okay. I *know* I need out. But I need the right cushion to land on -- and I need to make sure I'm ahead enough in my work. And what about the fact that 'no contact' seems impossible since we have so many of the same friends, go to the same events, the same community centre pool? I must find a way to 'get over it' but realize I will still see him and be civil/friendly. How can I do that? What would I say? Would I just say 'hi'? And once I'm out of this relationship, maybe I'll just be DONE over all (I'm 51) -- and then... maybe we can just be friends with benefits..." etc etc etc -- It drives me crazy! JUST STOP THESE THOUGHTS! Maybe EMDR will help. I sure hope so!