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Post by tnr9 on Mar 29, 2019 14:02:18 GMT
Today I just need support because my AP tendencies are going into overdrive and I can’t stop them. I will simply be blunt...B is pursuing a friend of mine. I use the word friend a bit loosely here because she is a person who is very self centric...when she needed me, she would reach out....but if it did not serve her purpose or if I needed her...then it was on her timetable. I have known this about her. However, she is very confident...has a lot of passions and is very attractive. When B broke up with me, he started liking a lot of her posts..and he is not one to like a lot of posts by anyone. That ebbed for a while....but now he is doing that again. This began when B posted a new profile picture and she commented that it was a cool pic and he replied thanks, especially coming from a person with a much cooler pic. I reached out to my friend about getting together and she said she would reply when she had time....it has been 4 days. There are so many feeling and thoughts and ties back to other times when I have felt a bit betrayed, rejected, abandoned.
So why am I posting? Because I just need friends to understand me right now. I just need a bit of sympathy and understanding. I am not seeking advice...I think advice would just hurt me more right now. I know this is deeper then just what is going through my mind or even about B and my friend. I know that looking at his page at this point is hurting rather than helping...but right now,I can’t hear advice along those lines.
I fear that my friend will tell B the things I shared in confidence with her
i fear that she will tell him her perspective of me and my feelings about him that will influence how he views me
i fear that if they start dating, it will be a better relationship than what he and I had
There are more fears...but that is all I can speak to now.
thank you for being here so I can share without guilt or shame.
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Post by epicgum on Mar 29, 2019 14:50:01 GMT
Today I just need support because my AP tendencies are going into overdrive and I can’t stop them. I will simply be blunt...B is pursuing a friend of mine. I use the word friend a bit loosely here because she is a person who is very self centric...when she needed me, she would reach out....but if it did not serve her purpose or if I needed her...then it was on her timetable. I have known this about her. However, she is very confident...has a lot of passions and is very attractive. When B broke up with me, he started liking a lot of her posts..and he is not one to like a lot of posts by anyone. That ebbed for a while....but now he is doing that again. This began when B posted a new profile picture and she commented that it was a cool pic and he replied thanks, especially coming from a person with a much cooler pic. I reached out to my friend about getting together and she said she would reply when she had time....it has been 4 days. There are so many feeling and thoughts and ties back to other times when I have felt a bit betrayed, rejected, abandoned. So why am I posting? Because I just need friends to understand me right now. I just need a bit of sympathy and understanding. I am not seeking advice...I think advice would just hurt me more right now. I know this is deeper then just what is going through my mind or even about B and my friend. I know that looking at his page at this point is hurting rather than helping...but right now,I can’t hear advice along those lines. I fear that my friend will tell B the things I shared in confidence with her i fear that she will tell him her perspective of me and my feelings about him that will influence how he views me i fear that if they start dating, it will be a better relationship than what he and I had There are more fears...but that is all I can speak to now. thank you for being here so I can share without guilt or shame. I can see how painful that is. Hang in there. |
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andy
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Post by andy on Mar 29, 2019 17:23:41 GMT
Today I just need support because my AP tendencies are going into overdrive and I can’t stop them. I will simply be blunt...B is pursuing a friend of mine. I use the word friend a bit loosely here because she is a person who is very self centric...when she needed me, she would reach out....but if it did not serve her purpose or if I needed her...then it was on her timetable. I have known this about her. However, she is very confident...has a lot of passions and is very attractive. When B broke up with me, he started liking a lot of her posts..and he is not one to like a lot of posts by anyone. That ebbed for a while....but now he is doing that again. This began when B posted a new profile picture and she commented that it was a cool pic and he replied thanks, especially coming from a person with a much cooler pic. I reached out to my friend about getting together and she said she would reply when she had time....it has been 4 days. There are so many feeling and thoughts and ties back to other times when I have felt a bit betrayed, rejected, abandoned. So why am I posting? Because I just need friends to understand me right now. I just need a bit of sympathy and understanding. I am not seeking advice...I think advice would just hurt me more right now. I know this is deeper then just what is going through my mind or even about B and my friend. I know that looking at his page at this point is hurting rather than helping...but right now,I can’t hear advice along those lines. I fear that my friend will tell B the things I shared in confidence with her i fear that she will tell him her perspective of me and my feelings about him that will influence how he views me i fear that if they start dating, it will be a better relationship than what he and I had There are more fears...but that is all I can speak to now. thank you for being here so I can share without guilt or shame. That would be a hard situation for many people, even without anxious attachment in the mix. Lots of mental hugs going out to you. Good for you for reaching out for support and being so clear and direct about what you need and what isn't helpful. I'm so glad you know you deserve to share without guilt or shame and that there is nothing shameful about your feelings. That seems like a wise and strong way to cope. I hope it's okay to say that it also seems like progress for you in self-compassion and not judging yourself for struggling or having AP thoughts. I think it's freeing to remove the extra layer of struggle that comes from judging the struggle. Lots of people here care about you. |
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Post by faithopelove on Mar 29, 2019 20:11:01 GMT
Sorry 😞 That would be a tough pill to swallow for anyone. In some way or another on this board we face a struggle, challenge, heart break, past trauma or all of the above. You’re not alone 💜
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Post by happyidiot on Mar 29, 2019 22:42:38 GMT
I fear that my friend will tell B the things I shared in confidence with her i fear that she will tell him her perspective of me and my feelings about him that will influence how he views me i fear that if they start dating, it will be a better relationship than what he and I had There are more fears...but that is all I can speak to now. thank you for being here so I can share without guilt or shame. I can really relate to these kinds of fears. You are not alone in thinking that way. Also, like someone else said, you are doing such a great job of articulating your needs and what kind of suppprt you are looking for right now and being kind to yourself. |
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 29, 2019 23:33:18 GMT
Thank you all so much....today I met up with a secure friend and shared the Facebook post and she validated me by saying she too would have those kind of fears if she really like someone. It was such a blessing to have a person validate my feelings (and thank you all also for doing the same...I feel so utterly blessed!!). The friend in question has not reached out...so I deleted her contact info on my phone. Right now she isn’t a safe friend and I need safe friends. I am not implying she is a bad person...she is actually a good person...just is not a friend that I can rely on at the moment. I know if I were to speak to her..,she would say that B is free to date whoever he wants and I need to get over him....and that is great advice for some people...just not me.
I watched a documentary last night where the guy spoke of seeing his future wife and finally coming alive...if this girl makes B come alive...then I have to respect that. It just still hurts.
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 30, 2019 3:32:13 GMT
I am avoiding sleep...I fear in my sleep I will simply have dreams about B and this girl. I feel vets trapped on fear right now.
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I am numb
Mar 30, 2019 4:28:15 GMT
via mobile
Post by happyidiot on Mar 30, 2019 4:28:15 GMT
I am avoiding sleep...I fear in my sleep I will simply have dreams about B and this girl. I feel vets trapped on fear right now. That's an awful feeling. Do you often have such nightmares? |
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Post by faithopelove on Mar 30, 2019 6:31:43 GMT
I am avoiding sleep...I fear in my sleep I will simply have dreams about B and this girl. I feel vets trapped on fear right now. Ironic. I feel sleep is my best escape. It’s my best and longest chance to shut my brain down and stop thinking about the ex. When I wake up and it hits me like a ton of bricks- I just want to go back to sleep and not feel the abandonment. |
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 30, 2019 13:12:06 GMT
I am avoiding sleep...I fear in my sleep I will simply have dreams about B and this girl. I feel vets trapped on fear right now. That's an awful feeling. Do you often have such nightmares? Yes....it happens pretty regularly...then I wake up tired and scared so I am not able to function at my full capacity. |
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 30, 2019 13:23:32 GMT
I am avoiding sleep...I fear in my sleep I will simply have dreams about B and this girl. I feel vets trapped on fear right now. Ironic. I feel sleep is my best escape. It’s my best and longest chance to shut my brain down and stop thinking about the ex. When I wake up and it hits me like a ton of bricks- I just want to go back to sleep and not feel the abandonment. This fear of sleep has been with me since I was a little girl....I was so afraid that what I dreamed would become reality. To me, sleep equals loss of control....anything can happen in your sleep and I have a vivid imagination. I typically have to be exhausted to sleep...which means several days of little sleep followed by one day of sleeping in. Sleeping pills don’t work for someone who fights sleep....I just wake up groggy. ☹️ |
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 31, 2019 13:21:53 GMT
All of these feelings that I have been going through I think are tied to feeling the loss of of B. I have no special powers, I am not special anymore and that loss feels so completely unacceptable. I spoke to a friend the other day and say pointed out that I was taking random bits of information and creating a story about B and this other friend...that even if he liked her and even if she liked him, it did not speak to having a successful relationship. People look shiny when you don’t really know them...
Also, she pointed out that B had made things a bit confusing the last time he was here...that there were words and actions that could be interpreted as mixed messages...so in her eyes the recent activity must feel like a new break up. I removed seeing B first in my feed....that was a big step for me. Now I just have to stop visiting his page. That will be harder.
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 31, 2019 14:09:35 GMT
I persoannly see B as selfish and not worthy of you or any friendship from you but from afar if you run into each other. He is not good enough. Not saying he some horrible bad person but hes not good enough for you.
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 31, 2019 14:37:29 GMT
I persoannly see B as selfish and not worthy of you or any friendship from you but from afar if you run into each other. He is not good enough. Not saying he some horrible bad person but hes not good enough for you. I know B can be selfish...we all can be. This is where having a glimpse into his past provides a bit more understanding of why. He and 3 of his other siblings grew up with a very strict father who had no reservation in using a belt to teach lessons. Not that other people haven’t experienced the same and come out on top of it...but I think B endured a lot being the oldest male child. So as a teen, he rebelled and made some poor choices and his adult life has been impacted...addictions, short term relationships, short term jobs. So I don’t really look at him as selfish...I see him as socially/developmentally delayed....same as I am...only in different ways. But to be fair...he has also blossomed in some ways. I have told him that I see him as a Phoenix who has risen from the ashes of his undoing time and time again and all I see is how marvelous his feathers are...I don’t see the ash he left behind. So there you also got a glimpse of me and how I view B. |
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 5, 2019 12:13:43 GMT
You deserve better than both. One day, I hope you'll believe that. Thank you for those kind words. 💕. To be fair, I don’t see myself as deserving “better”....I can’t even fathom what better is....for all of my swirling here...B is a decent man. He never did anything to purposely hurt me. |
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