“I’ve suddenly fallen out of love” Rant

I could’ve posted in general discussion topic, but whatever it’s here now.

To respond to your part where you can decide not to take something further.

What I’m referring to is you can always decide that logically, but if I did that with someone I was in a relationship with that doesn’t mean I could just do it emotionally because I couldn’t. I’m talking about people who fall out of love the next morning and are like “well you know all things come to an end and somethings are here for a season” that’s literally fucking insane to think in any capacity that you can love someone today and just feel nothing for them tomorrow because “they’re not the one”. I understand they can’t control it, but the fact that they think that’s normal and then do nothing about it. If someone woke up tomorrow morning and lost 100 pounds no one would be like “oh yeah that happens, sometimes you just lose half your body weight”

IMO, I think people who see love as a movie hasn’t had relationships modeled in a healthy way when they were a child by their parents or just have unrealistic expectations that will only be met with disaster relationships. I don’t think any healthy relationship will truly give the intense feelings that a movie relationship portrays or that unhealthy ones give.

I also want my love to be like you described, I have no idea why you’d want it any other way.

That's not really true though. Lots of relationships start out with that intense sparkly feeling but settle into something less sparkly and more real/deep. That doesn't make it necessarily unhealthy. The problem is when people think that the chemistry is everything and they overlook compatibility, so they stay with someone who isn't really a good match.

Reality is some people dont care to see it, want to see it, etc. Im a secure too and cannot imagine the turmoils people live in and stay living it in.

Just like my avoidant guy, he knows hes off but does not do a thing about it. Even admits he should go to a DR to talk about his anxiety and cut off his toxic mother but doesnt. Shes still horrible to him and he keeps taking it.

It is what it is.

Please consider, if you have not had the experience of having an attachment injury that shaped the "wiring" of your very nervous system and therefore your cognitive processes and emotional capacities, that there is a lot that you simply cannot empathize with or understand experientially . But, you but you might try to have humility and gratitude that you have not suffered this way. Often people diminish difficulty until they themselves experience it, then they are humbled. Perhaps you will experience something in yourself that baffles and confounds you and causes you great suffering someday and develop deeper empathy for this.

If you think of an infant who loses the impulse to cry because it does not get a response, an INFANT mind you, you will have a glimpse of what shaped an avoidant. Imagine an infant or young child subjected to an environment where they felt terror and abandonment and need (for survival) at the same time, these conditioned shaped the nervous system of a fearful avoidant.

You are ignorant and sound a little self righteous, and that can be understood and forgiven just as an attachment dysfunction in another can be understood and forgiven. I understand and forgive you for your ignorance, and I also am able to empathize with how you've been impacted by another person's suffering.

You may be harmful to others in ways you do not understand or have awareness of, even if you are "secure". Everyone on this planet suffers losses and disappointment and pain; and you have. Be thankful that you have not felt the pain of what those with insecure attachment do. It can be very desolate and hopeless on the inside, your experience of it on the outside is only one perspective.

You are free to move on and heal much easier than an insecurely attached person can- neuroscience confirms the difficulty. You don't have to change an entire lifetime of unconscious patterns and responses. They do. And they only have the brain they were born with and which was shaped by early trauma to even become aware of it with- it's more difficult than you may realize. There are internal defense mechanisms that are hardwired in them to obstruct this- it's no small thing to heal this all up. I speak from experience.

If you feel bitter or wish to understand more fully try some research, into the deep psychology and physiology of it.

Just a suggestion if you'd like to have a better understanding.

It seems like you didn’t read my post throughly, because nowhere in there did I criticize insecure attachers for the feelings that they have.

I criticized them for having those feelings and being that a lot of people are social and talk to others (introverted or not) they can see that a lot of other people don’t just fall out of love with their partners or feel scared of relationships or just feel absolutely nothing for their partner out of the blue.

Being that you compare your experience of not feeling any love for your partner one day and felt the world for them the next to other people’s experiences who don’t, you can look at yourself and go “why do I do this” “why do I feel this way”

Then you can simply do a google search of “ I fell out of love with my partner overnight” or something like that and you’re bound to come across attachment theory. Where this was no way as easy pre-internet.

I feel that I’m a pretty self-aware person. Empathy is not one of my strong suites as I can understand logically why someone feels one way, but have a difficulty sharing those feelings unless I’m feeling them personally. So by the definition of empathy, I have it half-way down.

It seems like you’re whole response was attacking something I never even stated.

Nor did I EVER say they could just fix it instantly. I know it takes years and hard work. Again, you’re discussing things I never even said.

The only thing I criticized insecure attachers for is their lack of self-awareness when you can easily compare your extreme emotions like feeling nothing for your partner of 5 years to other people and logically go “There’s probably something wrong with me considering there’s a ton of people I know who didn’t just wake up one day and feel nothing for their partner”