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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2019 21:50:28 GMT
but Also, I have to be clear that I am not confident that I can do this, I am triggered today and am having difficulty trusting that I understand myself or the situation well. I know that I need to let things settle in me as I go about my own routines today. I have a fundamental sense that is pervasive, that I have it all wrong and that if I believe and trust this I will be shown that I am mistaken.
I do not have all the answers but I can say with confidence that I am working really hard to find them and that his matters tremendously to me.
The articles I posted, particularly the first one describes my internal state well as a dismissive and it's hard to get past sometimes (as for all of us when triggered.)
However I know that my current doubt is cyclical and get triggered when I feel vulnerable and it will pass. I've made progress over time by just getting through these times without sabotaging or being unconscious. It's been three years of doing this kind of thing to just be able to be even hopeful with a bit of belief that I can do this and that he wants to also. That may sound crazy but that's the way it is. When we are just friends it's easier but also more difficult because I'm changing and it's no longer all I want.
I'm a bit of a mess right now, not emotionally but in my thought process because I'm confused and triggered. But I know it will pass and we will just keep going day by day like we have all this time. That seems to be the way DA have to do it. A day at a time and just do your best. A lot of people cannot handle that ambiguity or lack of definition and spoken commitment.
Our commitment shows more in our progression than in the regular ways of "showing" it,I do not know if that is understandable to someone not dismissive, I have no idea. But it does seem to be an article of contention for many people, to "go with the flow" without some clear end goal. That the only way I can do this, is to chunk it small and digest little by little.
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Post by areum0 on Jul 7, 2019 22:56:30 GMT
but Also, I have to be clear that I am not confident that I can do this, I am triggered today and am having difficulty trusting that I understand myself or the situation well. I know that I need to let things settle in me as I go about my own routines today. I have a fundamental sense that is pervasive, that I have it all wrong and that if I believe and trust this I will be shown that I am mistaken. I do not have all the answers but I can say with confidence that I am working really hard to find them and that his matters tremendously to me. The articles I posted, particularly the first one describes my internal state well as a dismissive and it's hard to get past sometimes (as for all of us when triggered.) However I know that my current doubt is cyclical and get triggered when I feel vulnerable and it will pass. I've made progress over time by just getting through these times without sabotaging or being unconscious. It's been three years of doing this kind of thing to just be able to be even hopeful with a bit of belief that I can do this and that he wants to also. That may sound crazy but that's the way it is. When we are just friends it's easier but also more difficult because I'm changing and it's no longer all I want. I'm a bit of a mess right now, not emotionally but in my thought process because I'm confused and triggered. But I know it will pass and we will just keep going day by day like we have all this time. That seems to be the way DA have to do it. A day at a time and just do your best. A lot of people cannot handle that ambiguity or lack of definition and spoken commitment. Our commitment shows more in our progression than in the regular ways of "showing" it,I do not know if that is understandable to someone not dismissive, I have no idea. But it does seem to be an article of contention for many people, to "go with the flow" without some clear end goal. That the only way I can do this, is to chunk it small and digest little by little. Wow. What a powerful sentiment. Thank you for sharing that with me. I think what you’ve said all along has resonated with me. Even now I’m looking over the past text messages from him and you’re right. There’s no real way to gage the feeling behind them (especially if he is responding to my kindly tone rather than what I actually meant which is kindly tone tinged with passive aggression). I guess I just have to try to put myself in his shoes and be patient and when the opportunity presents itself try to be real and open. I don’t know what he’s going through, really. He could be battling the same things you are or not. But regardless it’s good to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of making sweeping generalizations based on messages that could be so easily misconstrued. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2019 0:31:10 GMT
but Also, I have to be clear that I am not confident that I can do this, I am triggered today and am having difficulty trusting that I understand myself or the situation well. I know that I need to let things settle in me as I go about my own routines today. I have a fundamental sense that is pervasive, that I have it all wrong and that if I believe and trust this I will be shown that I am mistaken. I do not have all the answers but I can say with confidence that I am working really hard to find them and that his matters tremendously to me. The articles I posted, particularly the first one describes my internal state well as a dismissive and it's hard to get past sometimes (as for all of us when triggered.) However I know that my current doubt is cyclical and get triggered when I feel vulnerable and it will pass. I've made progress over time by just getting through these times without sabotaging or being unconscious. It's been three years of doing this kind of thing to just be able to be even hopeful with a bit of belief that I can do this and that he wants to also. That may sound crazy but that's the way it is. When we are just friends it's easier but also more difficult because I'm changing and it's no longer all I want. I'm a bit of a mess right now, not emotionally but in my thought process because I'm confused and triggered. But I know it will pass and we will just keep going day by day like we have all this time. That seems to be the way DA have to do it. A day at a time and just do your best. A lot of people cannot handle that ambiguity or lack of definition and spoken commitment. Our commitment shows more in our progression than in the regular ways of "showing" it,I do not know if that is understandable to someone not dismissive, I have no idea. But it does seem to be an article of contention for many people, to "go with the flow" without some clear end goal. That the only way I can do this, is to chunk it small and digest little by little. Wow. What a powerful sentiment. Thank you for sharing that with me. I think what you’ve said all along has resonated with me. Even now I’m looking over the past text messages from him and you’re right. There’s no real way to gage the feeling behind them (especially if he is responding to my kindly tone rather than what I actually meant which is kindly tone tinged with passive aggression). I guess I just have to try to put myself in his shoes and be patient and when the opportunity presents itself try to be real and open. I don’t know what he’s going through, really. He could be battling the same things you are or not. But regardless it’s good to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of making sweeping generalizations based on messages that could be so easily misconstrued. You're welcome. I hope it is helpful to just give a different perspective. Texting is really problematic. I have also been in the position to be confused, conflicted and hurt and sent veiled hostility or passive aggression. My man has also. Both making assumptions and also fearing vulnerability. Also fearing conflict or finding out that yeah, we are really on a different page. We did spend plenty of time truly on different pages and that's painful also. The hard part is being genuine and allowing the other to also, and allowing for being incompatible , or compatible, or on the same page, or in a different page, as the case may be, whatever it may be. Hope unfulfilled, love unrequited, misunderstandings, all of them are painful and we just have to be careful to take care of our own feelings without smashing someone else for disappointing us. It can be so messy. But, life is messy. |
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