Post by kaymarie716 on Jul 22, 2019 22:07:18 GMT
Hi everyone! This is my first post and I’m hoping that writing my story out will help me get over a dismissive avoidant. But if anyone has advice, please let me know! This is super long btw, I feel better though
I’m in my early 20s, never been in a relationship so I’m inexperienced, and I met this guy on a dating app in December. He’s in his late 20s. He came on super strong and I was a little weirded out at first, but I went with the flow because he said he wanted a relationship like me and we were exclusive within a month. I was dating other people, but I chose this guy because I thought we had a similar end goal and he lived closest to me. We talked about kids and looked at houses. I met his friends, he wanted me to meet his parents. He was moving a little fast.
I’m pretty sure I’m not always anxious in relationships, in the beginning I wasn’t. I was secure and didn’t really like him, he would’ve been choice number 2 if he didn’t want to be exclusive so quick.
Anyways, everything was good until February. I think that was the end of my honeymoon period. I didn’t like how he was treating me. I wanted to see him more than once a week and he would tell me he missed me but never invite me over. I talked to him about this, he said he would try and actually never did. Instead he told me he usually treats women better but his dad was sick at the time and he even said if I wasn’t happy that we should break up. I asked him if he wanted a relationship and he said yes and I said so do I do we continued on.
This is where I noticed that if I said something, not even like bad, he would get quiet and not talk for a little bit. Like I also mentioned how I wanted him to text me back in a timely manner, not days later and sometimes he would disregard my messages and that it made me feel unimportant. He got quiet too and then after a while said he would. It was a little weird for me. After this point is when he stopped planning our dates too, he said he would let me know. He becAme distant. So I felt like a booty call because he’d only invite me at night. He wouldn’t want to go out because he was tired, we stayed in a lot and would always get take out.
I understand this is partly my fault, I was trying to make him happy because I thought that was what couples do in relationships. Now I realize that I let him take advantage because it’s a two way street. Idk if this is a part of the anxious preoccupied attachment or not.
He mentioned he once ignored his ex for a week because she yelled at him. And he said that during arguments he doesn’t say anything. I didn’t know at the time what this meant. I thought it was normal, but I didn’t know anything.
Fast forward to March, he’s going on a trip for a week. My birthday is at the end of the trip. He doesn’t invite me anywhere on my birthday which is my fault, he literally played video games instead. It was my fault because I thought he had to work, but it turns out his work was off because of spring break and he never said anything so I’m like “we don’t have to hang out because you have to make up work.” This is in March, and a couple days before he said his parents said I could come over. I told him I wasn’t ready for that.
Two days pass, I ask to see him Sunday. He tells me he’s with his dad and he’ll let me know because he doesn’t know if he’s going home late that day or not. This is where I messed up, because I’m anxious. I haven’t seen him in like 2 weeks. I think he cheated. There’s a lot going on.
And since he said no to Sunday I said we should just date casually because he doesn’t have enough time for me. I regretted it right after and said I didn’t mean it. I wanted to be in a relationship with him eventually.
Three days later he says yes to the casual and that he’s not in the right state of mind for a relationship. So I ask to see him because I felt like this was a misunderstanding. And tell him to be direct and stop disrespecting me. He says he feels bad and we can maybe talk in a couple days when he gets back. He wanted to stay with his dad, turns out he went home and lied to me about staying with his dad.
This goes on a couple more times, him telling me we’ll talk and then never inviting me on the day. And eventually I just get mad and say he’s been treating me like crap and I wasn’t trying to play games, I wanted something serious, if we were dating or not so I could move on.
That’s when he never replied. I didn’t text him again for a month. He didn’t text me. I asked him to give me my clothes back, he ignored me. Then I said sorry and said could you stop ignoring me, he said he was busy and he’s sorry too and he understood how I felt.
I went to get my stuff. We talked for a little, I had to go back to work. He hugged me, said sorry. I asked if we could try again, he said we could try talking again. I wanted to talk on the phone, he said texting and he would be better at it and he would text me. We hugged goodbye.
One day goes by, I’m anxious, so I call and he ignores it. Texts me right after the call asking what’s up. I tell him I’m in his area for work and want to watch him work on a car. He doesn’t text me back until hours later to tell me I can’t because legal.
A week goes by, he doesn’t text me so I have to text him. I ask him out to dinner the next week. But by then I had it and confront him about everything he did. I really didn’t like feeling anxious. I knew what I was doing. I needed him to never talk to me again.
So I insulted him. Called him a liar. Disrespectful, rude. I hated him, wish I never met him. I’m immature and I know. I’ve been trying to change. A couple days later I apologized and mentioned my attachment style because I was aware about myself at that point. And I asked him if he wanted to be friends, not date. He ignored me. One month later I texted him again and he ignored me.
Now I am glad that I was able to learn from this relationship, it was a bad one for me and now I know what I want and what I need. It was a superficial relationship. I know how I handle conflict is bad. And I’ve been working on it.
I just want to move on. I know he’s not right for me. But it’s so hard for some reason. Is it because I think I’m being abandoned? If he came back I would not date him, I know that for a fact so idk why I’m having such a hard time. I did not like how he treated me. We only dated for three months! And I just want to forget him. I hate how much I think about him, I’m dating other people now and I just want him gone.
I think maybe it’s my ego and I want him to come back so I can make him feel like he made me. Or I think he’s a challenge now? But I really just want to move on. I blocked him on everything, I don’t stalk him or anything, I would not drive by his house. I just keep texting him and I just want to stop thinking about him. I don’t like it. I’m definitely feeling like a stalker at this point though because he obviously isn’t going to talk to me.
If you read all that thanks lol. If not, that’s okay too. Any tips would be appreciated
I’m in my early 20s, never been in a relationship so I’m inexperienced, and I met this guy on a dating app in December. He’s in his late 20s. He came on super strong and I was a little weirded out at first, but I went with the flow because he said he wanted a relationship like me and we were exclusive within a month. I was dating other people, but I chose this guy because I thought we had a similar end goal and he lived closest to me. We talked about kids and looked at houses. I met his friends, he wanted me to meet his parents. He was moving a little fast.
I’m pretty sure I’m not always anxious in relationships, in the beginning I wasn’t. I was secure and didn’t really like him, he would’ve been choice number 2 if he didn’t want to be exclusive so quick.
Anyways, everything was good until February. I think that was the end of my honeymoon period. I didn’t like how he was treating me. I wanted to see him more than once a week and he would tell me he missed me but never invite me over. I talked to him about this, he said he would try and actually never did. Instead he told me he usually treats women better but his dad was sick at the time and he even said if I wasn’t happy that we should break up. I asked him if he wanted a relationship and he said yes and I said so do I do we continued on.
This is where I noticed that if I said something, not even like bad, he would get quiet and not talk for a little bit. Like I also mentioned how I wanted him to text me back in a timely manner, not days later and sometimes he would disregard my messages and that it made me feel unimportant. He got quiet too and then after a while said he would. It was a little weird for me. After this point is when he stopped planning our dates too, he said he would let me know. He becAme distant. So I felt like a booty call because he’d only invite me at night. He wouldn’t want to go out because he was tired, we stayed in a lot and would always get take out.
I understand this is partly my fault, I was trying to make him happy because I thought that was what couples do in relationships. Now I realize that I let him take advantage because it’s a two way street. Idk if this is a part of the anxious preoccupied attachment or not.
He mentioned he once ignored his ex for a week because she yelled at him. And he said that during arguments he doesn’t say anything. I didn’t know at the time what this meant. I thought it was normal, but I didn’t know anything.
Fast forward to March, he’s going on a trip for a week. My birthday is at the end of the trip. He doesn’t invite me anywhere on my birthday which is my fault, he literally played video games instead. It was my fault because I thought he had to work, but it turns out his work was off because of spring break and he never said anything so I’m like “we don’t have to hang out because you have to make up work.” This is in March, and a couple days before he said his parents said I could come over. I told him I wasn’t ready for that.
Two days pass, I ask to see him Sunday. He tells me he’s with his dad and he’ll let me know because he doesn’t know if he’s going home late that day or not. This is where I messed up, because I’m anxious. I haven’t seen him in like 2 weeks. I think he cheated. There’s a lot going on.
And since he said no to Sunday I said we should just date casually because he doesn’t have enough time for me. I regretted it right after and said I didn’t mean it. I wanted to be in a relationship with him eventually.
Three days later he says yes to the casual and that he’s not in the right state of mind for a relationship. So I ask to see him because I felt like this was a misunderstanding. And tell him to be direct and stop disrespecting me. He says he feels bad and we can maybe talk in a couple days when he gets back. He wanted to stay with his dad, turns out he went home and lied to me about staying with his dad.
This goes on a couple more times, him telling me we’ll talk and then never inviting me on the day. And eventually I just get mad and say he’s been treating me like crap and I wasn’t trying to play games, I wanted something serious, if we were dating or not so I could move on.
That’s when he never replied. I didn’t text him again for a month. He didn’t text me. I asked him to give me my clothes back, he ignored me. Then I said sorry and said could you stop ignoring me, he said he was busy and he’s sorry too and he understood how I felt.
I went to get my stuff. We talked for a little, I had to go back to work. He hugged me, said sorry. I asked if we could try again, he said we could try talking again. I wanted to talk on the phone, he said texting and he would be better at it and he would text me. We hugged goodbye.
One day goes by, I’m anxious, so I call and he ignores it. Texts me right after the call asking what’s up. I tell him I’m in his area for work and want to watch him work on a car. He doesn’t text me back until hours later to tell me I can’t because legal.
A week goes by, he doesn’t text me so I have to text him. I ask him out to dinner the next week. But by then I had it and confront him about everything he did. I really didn’t like feeling anxious. I knew what I was doing. I needed him to never talk to me again.
So I insulted him. Called him a liar. Disrespectful, rude. I hated him, wish I never met him. I’m immature and I know. I’ve been trying to change. A couple days later I apologized and mentioned my attachment style because I was aware about myself at that point. And I asked him if he wanted to be friends, not date. He ignored me. One month later I texted him again and he ignored me.
Now I am glad that I was able to learn from this relationship, it was a bad one for me and now I know what I want and what I need. It was a superficial relationship. I know how I handle conflict is bad. And I’ve been working on it.
I just want to move on. I know he’s not right for me. But it’s so hard for some reason. Is it because I think I’m being abandoned? If he came back I would not date him, I know that for a fact so idk why I’m having such a hard time. I did not like how he treated me. We only dated for three months! And I just want to forget him. I hate how much I think about him, I’m dating other people now and I just want him gone.
I think maybe it’s my ego and I want him to come back so I can make him feel like he made me. Or I think he’s a challenge now? But I really just want to move on. I blocked him on everything, I don’t stalk him or anything, I would not drive by his house. I just keep texting him and I just want to stop thinking about him. I don’t like it. I’m definitely feeling like a stalker at this point though because he obviously isn’t going to talk to me.
If you read all that thanks lol. If not, that’s okay too. Any tips would be appreciated
