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Post by elizincali on Aug 13, 2019 5:44:11 GMT
i feel the same about closure and during the few times my FA person and I have « broken up » i have wanted to send that same kind of message. what helped me not send it was to rewrite it over and over in my head i til i didn’t need to send it actually? i agréé about removing enemy if you do decide to send. it’s so hard to know what to do. hang in there.
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Post by elizincali on Aug 13, 2019 5:45:20 GMT
i feel the same about closure and during the few times my FA person and I have « broken up » i have wanted to send that same kind of message. what helped me not send it was to rewrite it over and over in my head i til i didn’t need to send it actually? i agréé about removing enemy if you do decide to send. it’s so hard to know what to do. hang in there.
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Post by hannah99 on Aug 13, 2019 9:53:07 GMT
If you want them out of your space and have already said you'll send them, then do that and draw a line under it.
I have to contact my ex from time to time because of financial issue with our house. He never replies and I always feel awful...even though I have no choice but to contact him. I now limit contact to only essential.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 13:19:25 GMT
I'm a little confused, I'm sorry. What do you mean done giving him chances to hurt my feelings? I feel like my feelings have been as hurt as they can be, and I am trying to move forward and heal from him. I don't want anything more from him. I don't want his shirts, but I care enough about him to give them back to him, I wish him no ill will. I don't want any more connection to him because that would hinder me from moving on, and I can't hold on to something that's pretty much hopeless to me. I feel like if he wants to contact me, he knows how to, but I am not waiting around for him to. It's almost two months, and the more time that goes by, the less I miss him and the stronger I feel. I was a mess a few weeks ago, but I know at some point I won't miss him anymore. That's how it always has been with any relationship that's ended for me. No one wants a one-sided relationship, and I can't be the only one who loves in a relationship. I have so much to give, but if someone doesn't want it or can't receive it, I let them go. I grieve them and then I move forward step by step. [ I got ya. Let us know what happens! Hugs to you and hoping you get to that point as quickly as possible.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 13:20:15 GMT
[ I got ya. Let us know what happens! Hugs to you and hoping you get to that point as quickly as possible. Thank you! I'm trying. It's day by day. I wish the best to you too in this journey <3
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 13:21:28 GMT
i feel the same about closure and during the few times my FA person and I have « broken up » i have wanted to send that same kind of message. what helped me not send it was to rewrite it over and over in my head i til i didn’t need to send it actually? i agréé about removing enemy if you do decide to send. it’s so hard to know what to do. hang in there. Thank you, I'm going day by day. There are already reminders everywhere, a street we walked down, a song, a scent. It's already enough without holding on to his things, you know!
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 13:23:49 GMT
If you want them out of your space and have already said you'll send them, then do that and draw a line under it. I have to contact my ex from time to time because of financial issue with our house. He never replies and I always feel awful...even though I have no choice but to contact him. I now limit contact to only essential. I'm sorry, that sounds very hurtful. I hope you are able to gain strength from this eventually and that he starts to cooperate peacefully with you at some point soon.
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Post by nyc718 on Aug 13, 2019 17:48:35 GMT
Just to update, I decided to send the shirts but with NO note.
It takes two to tango, and he doesn't want to tango. I accept that. He ghosted me, so for now, I will be a ghost and disappear fully.
As much as I love him and have deep compassion for him, I love myself more. I know I am a good person, I was a good partner, and I was a good friend to him. I should not have to hint or otherwise suggest that anyone be my friend or know my worth and value to their life. I understand there are some deep rooted issues for him to deal with, but unless he asks me to help him, I cannot do the work for him. I have taken responsibility for my own life and issues, so must he.
It is painful, but I must go forward and not look back. Even if he did reach out, I am at a place where I don't think it would be healthy for him in my life. Perhaps after much time and moving on we can be, but at the present moment, my focus is on my healing and those in my life who do value and love me.
Thank you for all the helpful responses. Again, this forum has been very eye opening and helpful for someone who just learned about Attachment a few weeks ago.
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