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Post by hannah99 on Aug 14, 2019 19:20:00 GMT
My previous ex was very controlling. He wanted to do everything together. He didnt like me wearing makeup or going out with my friends without him. He would threaten to leave me if I didn't sleep with him. He also cheated on me, something I only discovered recently.
I was wondering if this controlling behaviour and cheating was to do with him being ap! Surely he can't be secure behaving in this way?
It's interesting, because I consider myself ap but a lot of his behaviour brought out da tendencies in me.
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Post by toorational on Aug 19, 2019 16:29:42 GMT
I don't think everything can be explained by attachment theory, although it's very helpful to understand some couple dynamics. There are other personality traits that would fit your description better. Narcissist comes to mind.
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Post by serenity on Aug 19, 2019 21:19:09 GMT
I agree, it sounds like he had a mental health issue, and very much like a Narcissist.
Being self centered and dismissive of a partner's needs does not create secure attachment between people. It usually points to mental health issues and an unsustainable relationship that causes harm . Its common to start to develop PTSD symptoms/numbing when you're involved with a Narcissist, that could explain your DA tendencies.
The most secure attachments come from time put into getting to know someone, trust building, mutual respect, negotiating boundaries, good communication. Secure attachment is not the same as pathological selfishness.
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Post by hannah99 on Aug 19, 2019 21:43:51 GMT
Definitely don't think he was secure.
We were together for five years. I knew him pretty well. As I'm reflecting back on my partners I'm wondering what attachment type they had.
I think he must have been ap. But you're right, his behaviour went beyond this and I now consider the relationship abusive.
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 28, 2019 8:49:14 GMT
My previous ex was very controlling. He wanted to do everything together. He didnt like me wearing makeup or going out with my friends without him. He would threaten to leave me if I didn't sleep with him. He also cheated on me, something I only discovered recently. I was wondering if this controlling behaviour and cheating was to do with him being ap! Surely he can't be secure behaving in this way? It's interesting, because I consider myself ap but a lot of his behaviour brought out da tendencies in me. He sounds more on the narcissist scale then AP. And anyone would react that way to controlling behavior. |
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