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Post by tnr9 on Aug 27, 2019 11:01:18 GMT
So last night I found some real resistance to therapy lurking in the background. It was masked under this “it is expensive” outward statement...but underneath there was this resentment...why couldn’t I just be healed already? Why do I have to go through this again when I have no memories? And under that was just fear...fear of what would be uncovered, fear that the story line I have told myself for decades would not be true, fear of anger, fear of failure...just fear. When I get into overwhelm, I tend to take it a couple of directions....blame others...that shows up mainly when I am driving...I get really focused on what the person ahead of me is doing, or...blame myself.....90% of the time...and that shows up in feelings of despair andwishing to not exist...basically....not being able to handle all the shame and judgement I place on myself.
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Post by alexandra on Aug 27, 2019 16:55:07 GMT
So last night I found some real resistance to therapy lurking in the background. It was masked under this “it is expensive” outward statement...but underneath there was this resentment...why couldn’t I just be healed already? Why do I have to go through this again when I have no memories? And under that was just fear...fear of what would be uncovered, fear that the story line I have told myself for decades would not be true, fear of anger, fear of failure...just fear. When I get into overwhelm, I tend to take it a couple of directions....blame others...that shows up mainly when I am driving...I get really focused on what the person ahead of me is doing, or...blame myself.....90% of the time...and that shows up in feelings of despair andwishing to not exist...basically....not being able to handle all the shame and judgement I place on myself. Interestingly, I just wrote a long comment right before you posted this on the FA support that mentions a lot of these themes! Making excuses, fear of failure, and shame are all discussed in detail. This is a very normal part in the process... your resistance is normal. It's great that you are recognizing it, but you will need to make the decision to overcome it to move on to the next stage. jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/2118/fearful-avoidant-year-relationship-tribulations
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2019 21:39:36 GMT
tnr9, the cool thing about SE is it isn't really talk therapy. It's probably different than anything you've experienced. It's not about a narrative and there are absolutely no labels or instructions. It's about gentle help to help you notice and describe actual sensations in your body, and asking your body what it wants to do. The body reveals its instinctive nature to you, in a way that is informative and transformative. So much of our life is patterned by stuck energy, stuck impulses. It's a very organic process that surprises me in a good way every time. Extremely affirming- because we read the body as it is, listen as it speaks. I don't think it would be possible to feel invalidated or wrong- it's a really good experience for me. I understand your resistance though. Trust me, as an avoidant I understand. This has been unique and helpful.
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