Post by lapraslover on Jul 14, 2017 16:54:41 GMT
I'm just curious - do Fearful-Avoidant people often prefer not to define a relationship, and prefer to keep it ambiguous? I'm a woman and I've had a close connection to a lovely woman since May 2016, and about ten months later we started to have a sexual relationship. It was pretty clear that she was infatuated with me from the start, though at first I was reluctant to pursue a relationship with her for religious reasons. She was incredibly clingy at the beginning, so I thought she was Anxious-Preoccupied, but over time I've come to realise she's most likely Fearful-Avoidant.
I really love her but feel conflicted, as she treats me as a partner but insists on calling the relationship a friendship. It's not like a typical FWB as we even celebrated our six month and 12 month anniversaries together (and she was the one who was keen on doing that). She normally holds my hand in public, and isn't afraid of PDAs - including hugging and kissing. However, she is embarrassed to tell her friends and psychologist about our relationship, because she has told everyone that she is actually straight (even though she admits to fantasising more about women than men).
While I do think she has some genuine issues about her orientation, I feel it's a bit of smokescreen for her Fearful-Avoidant tendencies. At one point after we started having sex regularly, she began to distance herself quite a lot, and this was very difficult for me. She sends a lot of mixed messages and seems unsure of what she wants. Eventually I got quite upset at her and told her what was bothering me, and we nearly broke up. However, we ended up reconciling and getting back together again, as we both felt that our lives are better off with each other in them than without.
I'm a little unsure how to proceed at this point, as we are spending plenty of time together again and things seem to be going smoothly. The vast majority of the relationship is very good, though I would prefer it to be a bit more defined and committed - so I am unsure as to whether I will stay with her long-term, for this reason.
I really love her but feel conflicted, as she treats me as a partner but insists on calling the relationship a friendship. It's not like a typical FWB as we even celebrated our six month and 12 month anniversaries together (and she was the one who was keen on doing that). She normally holds my hand in public, and isn't afraid of PDAs - including hugging and kissing. However, she is embarrassed to tell her friends and psychologist about our relationship, because she has told everyone that she is actually straight (even though she admits to fantasising more about women than men).
While I do think she has some genuine issues about her orientation, I feel it's a bit of smokescreen for her Fearful-Avoidant tendencies. At one point after we started having sex regularly, she began to distance herself quite a lot, and this was very difficult for me. She sends a lot of mixed messages and seems unsure of what she wants. Eventually I got quite upset at her and told her what was bothering me, and we nearly broke up. However, we ended up reconciling and getting back together again, as we both felt that our lives are better off with each other in them than without.
I'm a little unsure how to proceed at this point, as we are spending plenty of time together again and things seem to be going smoothly. The vast majority of the relationship is very good, though I would prefer it to be a bit more defined and committed - so I am unsure as to whether I will stay with her long-term, for this reason.