The Softboi

@janedoe I feel you! so I've been using what @inmourning said. in fact, i go even further, i act kind of stupid and then observe just how smart they are or think they are lol. then i decide where to go from there. intelligence is intelligence, it's hard to hide, so not too much of a need to engaging directly in spoken sparring. it WILL occur in cerebrals, even when it comes to discussing what brand of clothing to buy. lol.

softbois bore me. never been into them!

Interesting, because that's exactly what I said in my example a couple posts back though I didn't do it for this same reason. But in doing so, I immediately got a revealing answer that indicated he was kind of a jerk.

I also was thinking more about it being a more basic unavailable attracting unavailable thing, and the first time I heard, "I like the way you think," it WAS because I was making a joke to take the pressure off our upcoming first date, providing a funny but easy escape route if it wasn't going well, to someone who I didn't know yet was avoidant! We had a great date so no one used the exit option and he did enjoy intelligence, but yeah, he liked a one foot in one foot out joke I made.

I really like intellectual conversation and find it energizing most of the time, personally. And that it can be a nerdy flirtation. But I can see it being draining, especially for introverts, and I do try to back off if I notice someone isn't into it.

I'm into art and culture too, so when they were teaching me new things I wasn't familiar with, before I realized there was no substance behind it, I was into it if it also came with sexual chemistry. Smh at myself!

That's okay, it made me feel validated LOL.

Leave all that to the museum guide, better yet- look for men who want to learn, not teach.  That would probably eliminate a lot of egomaniacs right?

OMG YES.  That would just be so satisfying.  I'll take care of the softboi.  Recently my teenage son said that if I was his opponent at (a hobby we share but don't engage in together) he would be "dismayed".  😂 Please let me dismay the softboi looking for game.  😆

I don't think that it is hiding your intellect. like I said, if you are truly intellectual, it will show in normal conversations without you engaging directly in it. The kind of topics you pick and how you respond to other topics even the boring ones WILL show it. how you use your words and logic will also shine through. it's like if you're beautiful, you don't need to wear makeup and sexy clothes to show that you are. you can be covered in mud and it'll still come through somehow. 

i observe first and foremost how smart they are - that comes through in the way they say things and in the decisions they make. the truly smart ones also test you for it, and that's when you "flirt". show that you are smart without giving them all the goods with intense intellectual conversations. the way I do it is when they "challenge" me, and I take their point (agree with content) and then say something like oh, does that assume x and y then (challenge assumption) and then wait for a response (see how much metacognition and abstraction they have).  

those who engage in pointless pontificating that sound smart are usually not very smart beyond a certain point of being knowledgeable of key "intellectual" points e.g., standard pop culture references and art stuff.