What happens after you've done some work?

This is kind of... I don't know the term, let's call it a false equivalency? I know what you mean, I found that day to day I was like 90% compatible with my LTR FA ex, when I never expected to find that much compatibility. We like all the same entertainment, large music overlap, compatible traveling, similar levels of outdoors and sports stuff, his friends and siblings all like me a lot because I get on with them just fine, we have a lot of fun together and hanging out without the feelings part is easy.

But that 10% related to attachment is the more important part! If your partner can't show up consistently, can't communicate, can't problem-solve, can't pull extra weight if you're not at 100% (like, you're sick or facing a family emergency etc.), can't take care of themselves well (or you or your children together), isn't committed to being present... the rest just doesn't matter. You can't have a solid and viable healthy relationship, even if the more superficial part of the compatibility is all in line. It's just not the important part of a long-term relationship, though it works quite well for short-term and possibly for friendship.

On the flip side from a secure, there is never a guarantee, I myself have dated an A-P (5 years ago) a family friend, this is where I learnt about codependency and attachment theory initially, then only the other year the F-A hence why i'm here. I actually have only picked up and read about attachment theory the past 12 months again and more recently CPTSD in past 5 months or so. So you can be attracted to anyone really, the insecure attached relationships lasted 3 months each, very unstable. I think only a relationship with an avoidant will drag out due to protest behaviours. The F-A for me was more intoxicating, because she literally was really nice and fawned after me, the A-P didn't have any money to fawn, was trying to be nice, but blew up big time very early over nothing (and continued with passive aggressive manoeuvres and using sex as a weapon on top of other behaviour) , what probably even dragged that one on was the fact I was around her a lot early on hence satiating the fears of abandonment, totally out of character for me, due to being family friends. The F-A was starting to become really negative and heading into a depressed state, very hypervigilant when I set boundaries (no friends only lovers while in limbo in push-pull cycle) whilst flipping from A-P to D-A around the 3 month mark, we met through mutual friends who are very securely attached individuals, which also was a factor in the overall interaction.
But certainly ALL my relationships have largely been different and ended due to different reasons. I remember my A-P gf said to me early on "all my relationships are the same, I get taken for granted and drained of everything and they leave", red flag right there, relationships are never the same, ever period, if they are, then definitely the attachment style is driving who you meet and who you are attracted too. The classic anxious-avoidant dance clearly, which totally makes sense to me. All my relationships have been largely secure, maybe one in mid 20s erring on the side of slight A-P, but not much in retrospect (all on a spectrum). Just purely personal preferences, emotional availability, and other variable reasons. It's just as a secure you can sit down and talk about any issue large or small in a more centred way, and non-reactionary, and this is due to emotional regulation

Oh no, I totally get that, that's why I walked away and am not looking back, because the attachment part is absolutely the most important part. I can't have a relationship with anyone if the attachment issues aren't solidly in place. And that's why it was so difficult for me to leave before I did, besides just being in love with him, I was attached to the fact that we were so compatible in our interests in a way I had never been with any other man (except my high school boyfriend from when I was 15 years old :-)

But it's also kind of why it feels like a double loss - the attachment part isn't there, but I'm also losing what I felt like I had finally found after all these other relationships in my life, the man who finally got me, my interests, etc, and me finally finding the man who had the same interests, and also expanded me even further in those areas with who he knew and the circles he was in, and me expanding him also with who and what I know. Believe me, I have replayed in my head many times how much I miss that connection, but how because he can't make me feel secure because of his continual distancing, then none of that other compatibility matters because it's not a strong enough bond to hold us together. I have felt the loss greatly, and yet I know there's no other option but to let it all go :-(

I mean, it may have indeed been a big deal for him, but remember, those are things that pretty much anyone is supposed to do in a secure relationship, you know? You appreciating or not has nothing to do with if he can show up for someone in a relationship on a deeper level. Anyone can do any kind of actions, but if they can't show up emotionally then the things they "do" really can't hold things together alone. 

Absolutely and that has played out to many times for my liking.
As much as I loved him I will never reach out to him again for friendship or whatever.
I know I will have my weak moments but I will never get in touch with him again.
Hes blocked me anyway but we all know ways around that, I will post here first if the desire gets that bad and you can all kick my arse into place 🤣🤣

There are lot of guys out there who have wounds and troubles who have learned to communiciate, have empathy for other people's wounds, and are not avoidant. Look for empathy first, its amazing what you can make work in a relationship if both of you are empaths who care about one another and communicate well.