FA & FA break up - I’ve completely shut down
Jan 15, 2020 1:18:10 GMT
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Post by aisha on Jan 15, 2020 1:18:10 GMT
It’s been a very painful month after a breakup with my FA man, although I found our relationship triggered him to be more avoidant and me more anxious
We had amazing chemistry. We have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. Lots of drama and break ups where he would literally shut down for weeks. Now I have understood lots of things about attachment types, trauma etc and everything makes sense.
He failed to tell me early on that he had someone else he was in a long term relationship with but didn’t know how to end it as they had investments together and that she had been loyal to him. He always swore that he wasn’t in love with her and that he was more invested in me and the reason he didn’t tell me initially was because he didn’t want to lose me.
Anyway it’s a long story but over the 5 years it was always me that pined for him even though it was always him that chased me, yet I felt he chased me till he had me where he wanted me, which was very very vulnerable with my guard down and then he would back off a little. It would kill me everytime he was with his other partner. I never called or initiated anything (fearful side of me) and it always felt like a challenge on a weekly basis. He would emotionally get me where he wanted them just slightly deactivate when he knew I would be upset as he had commitments elsewhere.
I finally walked away from this destructive relationship but feel like I’ve been deactivating gradually for about a year leading up to it. This year he’s tried everything to keep me from walking away. Even towards the end almost begging me not to go and breaking down, in what he said was the first time in over 20 years, but the relationship was emotionally destroying me
This month has been excruciating. We have had no contact and as times going on my deactivation has kicked in big time. I think of him everyday and still love him but everytime that voice speaks in my head, I shout “no way am I going back to that humiliation and dehumanising situation”
The distance had been hard but very very helpful for me to understand how unhealthy everything truly was.
Although my attachment type is 100% FA, the pain of this breakup makes me feel like I’m slipping into more and more feelings of avoidance. I am usually quite charismatic and confident. Very much a people’s personal but I’m happy to stay home and avoid people. I’m also finding it hard to make eye contact too at the moment, something I don’t usually have a problem with
So for anyone who has broken up with an FA, and if you’ve truly hurt her to the core then I definitely wouldn’t do no contact, it makes us DEACTIVATE hard and fast.
I haven’t seen him. Haven’t spoken to him, don’t know what he’s up to anywhere. Healthiest thing for me as any of these things would have only made me take steps backwards
We had amazing chemistry. We have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. Lots of drama and break ups where he would literally shut down for weeks. Now I have understood lots of things about attachment types, trauma etc and everything makes sense.
He failed to tell me early on that he had someone else he was in a long term relationship with but didn’t know how to end it as they had investments together and that she had been loyal to him. He always swore that he wasn’t in love with her and that he was more invested in me and the reason he didn’t tell me initially was because he didn’t want to lose me.
Anyway it’s a long story but over the 5 years it was always me that pined for him even though it was always him that chased me, yet I felt he chased me till he had me where he wanted me, which was very very vulnerable with my guard down and then he would back off a little. It would kill me everytime he was with his other partner. I never called or initiated anything (fearful side of me) and it always felt like a challenge on a weekly basis. He would emotionally get me where he wanted them just slightly deactivate when he knew I would be upset as he had commitments elsewhere.
I finally walked away from this destructive relationship but feel like I’ve been deactivating gradually for about a year leading up to it. This year he’s tried everything to keep me from walking away. Even towards the end almost begging me not to go and breaking down, in what he said was the first time in over 20 years, but the relationship was emotionally destroying me
This month has been excruciating. We have had no contact and as times going on my deactivation has kicked in big time. I think of him everyday and still love him but everytime that voice speaks in my head, I shout “no way am I going back to that humiliation and dehumanising situation”
The distance had been hard but very very helpful for me to understand how unhealthy everything truly was.
Although my attachment type is 100% FA, the pain of this breakup makes me feel like I’m slipping into more and more feelings of avoidance. I am usually quite charismatic and confident. Very much a people’s personal but I’m happy to stay home and avoid people. I’m also finding it hard to make eye contact too at the moment, something I don’t usually have a problem with
So for anyone who has broken up with an FA, and if you’ve truly hurt her to the core then I definitely wouldn’t do no contact, it makes us DEACTIVATE hard and fast.
I haven’t seen him. Haven’t spoken to him, don’t know what he’s up to anywhere. Healthiest thing for me as any of these things would have only made me take steps backwards
