In Caroline's unique style, she talks about 3 key choices people can make to change their life
Choice is the greatest power we have - and we know that. We are as intimidated by our power to determine our own choices in life as we are protective of this inner authority. We don't like other people making choices for us and yet we often avoid making decisions for ourselves because we fear the consequences. And we know that people spend years in therapy reconciling their resentment over suffering the redirection of their lives due to decisions made by others or the inability to make a decision for themselves when they should have.
Choice is our instrument of power, the means through which we navigate every movement of our life. Our power of choice has always been threaded into our intuition precisely because we are engines of co-creation. There is no such thing as a small or insignificant choice or one that does not have profound consequences.
A good sentence for the ambivalent to say to themselves: What goes wrong for many is that they let others decide their feelings, inner states and external actions. Not intentionally, but completely unconscious. The auto pilot takes over and creates internal turmoil and often external turmoil.
When we let others decide on our feelings, inner states and external actions, it typically happens completely unconsciously and based on one's inner work models. These are the ways we perceive others and ourselves and how we handle this situation. People, with ambivalent attachment, are particularly vulnerable to others deciding their feelings, inner states and external actions.
WHAT CAN YOU DO? These automotive patterns - can be managed to a certain extent by placing a conscious choice between impact and response. For example, a person could have asked himself: What do I want. Him? Or what good reasons could he have for not responding as fast as I wish? How can I be affectionate to myself, whether he writes or not? Or she could have decided to focus on something else, even if it would be difficult for her. Stop the thought as soon as it approaches ... do something physical or read something, sometimes it may be helpful to get the nervous system to land - also by the watertank exercise.
You can start doing this immediately. Type it down: Many times daily - that's every time there's something you're reacting to either because of others or your own internal judge - say to yourself: I choose to ... Put yellow post-it notes around in your home and at your work, where it says" I choose to ..." - so that you remember this. Then you train that muscle to put an active choice, so that others do not have as much control over you. (Stephen Covey's book 7 good habits.)