Fearful Avoidant or Just Not Into Me?

I can guarantee that if I had a r/ship with an FA that was working I would be all over the boards here letting you all know lol!

There's so many red flags waving here. I put some of the avoidant red flags in italics for you, and bolded some of your own AP projections that you should really think about (instead of all the external-focused ruminating on her).

Someone who says they never fall in love [but you're the exception] is someone who isn't actually open to being in a serious relationship. To buy into the narrative of how special that makes you, to win over someone shut down that you had to fight for and open up, is a form of longing and chasing "love" that feels validating and excites your nervous system. But it's not healthy or functional because it's loaded with projections on both sides. This is very common for someone with anxious preoccupied attachment, and usually ties back to an inconsistent adult caretaker in your childhood who showed conditional instead of unconditional love. Was that part of your experience? On the side of the person who said that, either they're telling you you're the exception to make you feel good in a manipulating way, or they're unaware avoidant and don't understand their inner emotional landscape. While they believe what they're saying is the truth, they'll revert back to their normal pattern in time and treat you like the others they "didn't love" until they do some serious work on healing themselves and become more secure. This is because their issues with love have to do with themselves and have little to nothing to do with their partners. The only difference in regards to partners is avoidant dynamics mix differently with different attachment styles. A DA will always eventually push away an AP, who will cling harder. A DA might push away a secure, who will either do their own thing but stay in the relationship, or simply get fed up and leave. A DA with another DA often mutually stays too distant to really attach. If an avoidant wants an illusion of intimacy with no real work, they may opt for a comfortable long-distance situation, as it has built in physical distance and you don't need to put in as much effort to create emotional distance.

Someone anxious-leaning (AP or FA) will just about always feel triggered more anxious by a more avoidant partner, and will eventually push away a more anxious partner or even a more secure partner. The AP/FA isn't interested in actual availability (though it's not a conscious feeling). Again, with someone more avoidant, that longing is there, lighting up the nervous system, hoping to correct a childhood wound of an adult caretaker's love being out of reach. This is just as dysfunctional as avoidance, even if it creates all the wonderful words and behaviors that make someone feel like it's an epic love. It's projection and selfish, because it's about anxiety-relief and seeking validation. But it's not conscious or intentional.

Insecure attachment styles evolve as a defense mechanism to help a child survive, but unfortunately people don't grow out of it as adults without awareness and lots of deliberate work. And insecure attachment styles inhibit healthy and functional long term relating in adults. Saying why didn't she fight for you is over simplifying this. And I assure you that no one else is getting the best of her. She'll repeat her pattern possibly endlessly, and your assumption otherwise is a negative narrative in your own head -- which is part of the AP pattern. Always putting yourself down relative to other people.

She deactivated during a moment of quiet intimacy. You gave her a kiss on the cheek when she was getting dressed. $hit actually got real. Totally normal for avoidants. You didn't do anything. Love is not transactional, you weren't "too nice" to her. She isn't capable of sustaining the kind of relationship you want.

The way out of this is to dig into your AP style and into why you wanted to buy into a fantasy type of love, where you were the white night. And to understand that from your first bold statement above, you are mourning potential and not reality. Which is perfectly okay, as long as you don't get yourself stuck forever -- which you can do in your own head with potential. I've done this. The most intense time I did it, I loved an FA LTR ex so much and was totally blind sided by him leaving me and blamed myself completely. How could I be so horrible to have someone driven away someone I loved so much and was so good to and so good with? Well, I didn't. It really was him, not me, and in rare moments of clarity he'll say that. In moments of avoidance, he told a different story and blamed me in ways that made no sense. I used the devastation to rebuild myself, eventually earning secure, so I'd stop chasing avoidants and blaming myself. I understand where you're at and it will take you some time to shift your perspective, but I promise it will be way more constructive for you to focus on yourself and not worry about her until you've solidly got your own back.

Of course she's in a "new LDR" classic F-A, that is the most comfortable until the other person wants to move in, my ex. did that, the guy prior to me, put the guy on a pedestal as well, it suited her down to the ground, until after 15 months he wanted to move in, and she couldn't do it, he called it off, she was devastated. Just the same patterns, wouldn't concern yourself. Unless that person confronts their trauma head on, no point at all. It wont feel like it atm, but you have just been saved a world of hurt my friend. The fact she's moved on and with someone else, will allow you to move on now. If she didn't this could seriously continue for another 12-18 months or more pending on you staying around for the once a month catch up with potentially no sex, and a lot of promises to catch up in person, but last minute pull outs due to some unforeseen event.
Look past the passionate bedroom activity, that was all part of the "false facade" so to speak, the real person is the low self esteem, not worthy, not good enough, constant doubt and turmoil. Inside the head there is a critical inner voice constantly chipping away (hurt super ego), that wont let the true "ego" be itself, and creates flashbacks via the "ID" (angry outbursts, dissociation, fear and running etc) 

How long was the relationship with you out of interest?

This is the typical pattern of a fearful-avoidant, they whirlwind, put you on a pedestal, and then pull away and push-pull (intermittent reinforcement). It's to do with trauma and trauma response they align too. Many due to physical/verbal abuse are "Fawn" people pleaser types, with Flight/Freeze mixed in, because generally a Cluster B Narcissist "Fight" type has abused them with intermittent reinforcement in childhood. Just what i've noticed anyway.

maxymax I truly know how much pain your in believe me. I couldn't function the first time he left me, I stopped caring for myself completely.
It feels like you will never recover but like Amber said you do heal and recover at around 3mths so go easy on yourself.
You have been blindsided like me and that kicks the shit out off us. We just cant understand how someone can have a change of heart so abruptly.
I dont think I will ever be quite the same after dating my ex FA. I have experienced a relationship like I've never experienced before . My heart feels guarded now in someway.
I never had to go searching on the internet before to find out what I was experiencing in a relationship, I had never even heard off attachment styles so the innocence of just meeting a person and falling in love has gone. I feel I will always be on my guard now as I never ever want to go thru a relationship like this again.

They don’t hint at something being wrong because they don’t want to upset you. It’s a fear of conflict.