Regret

You accurately identified a feeling and expressed it to him. I don’t think you should feel bad about it. Especially since he blocked you once again, to me this just proves it was the right thing to do. Whenever I expressed anything that rand true to my DA he would just go radio silent. No discussion, just silence and contempt. There isn’t anything you can do with these people, but let go. And live your life knowing you were honest.

Hi Helsbells,

Sometimes anger is the consequence of screwing someone over. Him expecting you to be always graceful and welcoming when he treats you like garbage is juvenile and entitled. Blocking you as `punishment' for calling him out on unacceptable behaviour is also juvenile at best (abusive at worst).

I think his stonewalling/blocking hurts you. Stonewalling is called abuse for a reason... he's using it to control and subdue you, not to `make things easier for you both to move on ' like he originally said.

Don't be controlled by this, or it will encourage him to keep using it as a tactic to control you. Take charge and block him instead, to give yourself peace to explore your relationships with healthier men.

Hugs helsbells, I have a lot of respect for how hard this has been for you. The pain of him leaving and blocking you when you called him out on shoddy behaviour, then the rush of feeling that comes when he returns and starts pursuing you again. I respect the strength it has taken to use your better judgement, when your feelings have been knocked around so much. Even if he's learned all these control tactics without malicious intent , even if he's not conscious of what he's doing and has another `good' narrative about why he's doing it, its very harmful behaviour and totally unacceptable. I'm sorry that you've been forced to make hard choices because of it I can only say that when I've made similar decisions in relationships, the outcome has usually been gaining a lot more respect in the long run, and being much happier for not tolerating shitty behavior from people I love.

New guy sounds good! I'm glad you're having some fun again, and enjoying stress free time with someone who doesn't cause anxiety. People like that .. who invite deeper, stress-free connection.... have been very good for my healing too. Makes you realise how satisfying and `full' connection can feel like.

<3

I'm very sad about the whole thing.
I regret my outburst and wish I had the courage to have spoken to him properly about how is treatment off me is really messing with me.
The thing is whatever way I would have approached the elephant in the room would have probably led to him stonewalling me. Like serenity said in her post while I'm just accepting him blocking me and un blocking me and being kind and understanding and stuffing my hurt down he continues to be happy to initiate all contact. But when I let my frustration out like I did on valentines day he doesn't want to hear that and just cuts me off again.
Maybe hes thinking he has done enough harm and should leave me alone now. Or maybe hes just using it as a way to control me. I loved this man, and apparently he loved me but all this coming and going, one day hes all full off love and the next hes packed all his belongings and blind sided me has made me an emotional wreck. I dont know if its malicious, or how aware he is off how hurtful his behaviour is, but I have seen him justify his bad behaviour with other family members who hes fallen out with and it's pretty brutal how cold and cutting he can be.

To be fair their behaviour is a headfuck at times. Yeah you could have gone about it better but I wouldn't feel bad or blame your self . It's so frustrating when you try to talk properly or call someone on their actions and they continually stonewall you .

You spoke your truth- no regret in that. 💛 His immediate block just demonstrates why you feel the way you do. You called him out on his behavior and he knows it. Of course he knows his behavior is inappropriate.

Hi faith, long time no speak. How are you doing. Are you still with your guy. I know you have called your guy out in the past and he has retreated. It does seem like its controlling. Mine doesn't appear to be able to handle any confrontational behaviour what so ever. He just runs away tries to replace me then runs back to me. It's a head wreck for sure.