“Grief expressed out loud for someone we have lost, or a country or home we have lost, is, in its self, the greatest praise we could ever give them. Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honors what it misses."
"the inability that many of us have to grieve and weep properly for the dead is deeply linked with the inability to give praise for living."
"When you have two centuries of people who have not properly grieved the things that they have lost, the grief shows up as ghosts that inhabit their grandchildren." These "ghosts", he says, can also manifest as disease in the form of tumors, which the Maya refer to as "solidified tears", or in the form of behavioral issues and depression.
Martín Prechtel fromThe Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise
What happens when you don’t process your grief? What happens when you avoid dealing with loss? People say that time heals, but I would argue that it doesn’t unless you allow yourself to work through your pain little by little.
Now it’s clear that each person’s grief is unique, there isn’t a concrete set of steps you can do in order, there isn’t a time limit for mourning. But there is a big difference between working through stuff and not working through stuff. People who process their grief allow themselves to face their pain, even in small doses. They address their feelings, they may talk about them or write about them, they mourn. When someone doesn’t work through their pain, they try to distract themselves, they keep busy, they desperately avoid their pain, which in the long run leads to more pain. So we’re going to talk about 7 signs that you’re not processing your grief. And you’ll learn 3 ways to start to face your grief in small steps.
Grief researcher William Worden has identified grief reactions that are common in acute grief and has placed them in four general categories: feelings, physical sensations, cognitions, and behaviors.  All are considered normal unless they continue over a very long period of time or are especially intense.
He disagrees with Freuds model for grief :
Asking the question of when the grief is over is a bit like asking: How high is up?
One of the most surprising studies I've read was about using Tetris to help the bereaved. And that it worked!
When we are faced with sadness, uncertainty and powerlessness, we like to use an enormous amount of brain energy to try to find a solution. A solution that does not exist.
So to give the brain something to offset that feeling, the researchers set the bereaved to play Tetris for half an hour a day. Playing Tetris yielded several things.
Firstly, the experience of getting better at something. In other words, the power we experience when we master something. It gives endorphins. So does succeeding at something. So the point was not to solve the grief. But to give the brain some of the endorphins and hormones that we don't get when we try to solve something insoluble.
So when we are faced with sadness, uncertainty and powerlessness it is really good to do something that gives these experiences. Something we can get better at. Something we can try to solve. It could be anything. Baking, cooking, sports, games, puzzles, needlework, weight lifting, gardening. What you like is the best.
It doesn't solve the problem. But it helps us stick to it.
Waiting for someone to die - e.g. of cancer, parkinson, dementia ect. can feel just as bad as if the person has already died.
Take breaks from the illness Relatives often have a bad conscience about not being with the sick person. But it is important to do something that is good for yourself. Take a trip to the cinema, go away for a few days or do something else - that has nothing to do with illness.
Find a balance between your own needs and the needs of the patient The patient's need will often be to have those closest to him as much as possible. The relatives usually want to help, sometimes at the expense of their own needs. It is important to try to maintain a balance, so that you do not constantly prioritize the needs of the patient over yourself.
Get things said and done while there is still time Many relatives go all the time with the hope that the sick person will get well. Therefore, you may end up putting off saying and doing the things you want until the sick person is gone. Suddenly one day it is too late, and this can cause guilt and regret later in life.
Live as ordinary a life as possible Try to live as normal a life as possible despite the illness. Studies show that the more ordinary a life you live, even if there is illness in the immediate family, the better you do.
Use the Grief Guide On the National Bereavement Centre's website, there is a Bereavement Guide. Find a grief group