Trauma/shock trauma - fight/flight/freeze,fawn, fitting in

My homecountry Ukraine went under attack.

And my body went immediately into shock. It was as if both the hearing and the movement disappeared and I found myself in a vacuum. There was a 10-20 second delay from the time I was asked about something - until I actually understood what was being said. And another 10-20 seconds for me to initiate a response.

And when that happens, there's only one thing that can get me back together. To lift or hold on to something heavy. (You can use a kettle belt)

Because when it feels like you are in free fall… … Then the otherwise good sensory and breathing exercises are not quite enough to create grounding again. But heaviness creates acute calm.

Few repetitions of the "Statue of Liberty", with a weight that was heavy enough that I could not think of anything else - and had to muster an extra good clamp and an increased pressure in the abdominal cavity.

Increased abdominal pressure stimulates the vagus nerve and normalizes the heart rhythm. The extra belly pressure is called the Valsalva maneuver. It is i.a. that which we practice in turning up and down the intensity of, in “power breathing”, where we learn to breathe in and out against a resistance. A technique that is also used to create acute more strength and stability around the spine - and prevent injuries.l

The Valsalva maneuver has been shown to be an effective technique for normalizing the heart rhythm in otherwise healthy individuals who may occasionally experience supraventricular tachycardia - Shorter or longer bouts of cardiac arrhythmias (arterial fibrillation) accompanied by high heart rate, palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, chest pain and lethargy.

ALWAYS REMEMBER to consult your doctor if you experience the above so you can rule out other serious conditions!

When you briefly increase pressure in the abdominal cavity, you also stimulate a small pressure sensor (baroreceptor), which is located at two of the large carotid arteries, senses changes in blood pressure - and via the 9th cranial nerve (glossopharyngeal nerve) and the 10th cranial nerve (vagus nerve) transmits the signals up to the part of the brain that regulates blood pressure and heart rate. The (short-lived) increased pressure sends an increased amount of parasympathetic (calming) signals to the heart and lowers the elevated heart rate.

References:
Smith GD, Fry MM, Taylor D, Morgans A, Cantwell K. Effectiveness of the Valsalva Manoeuvre for reversion of supraventricular tachycardia. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2015, Issue 2.
Niehues LJ, Klovenski V. Vagal Maneuver. [Updated 2021 Jul 9]. In: StatPearls [Internet].

Demonstration with kettle belts - the Statue of Liberty exercise
youtu.be/EF8g2FZ2Vuw

Power breathing demonstration
youtu.be/Scz6HOhLFN0

D) Fawning

pete-walker.com/codependencyFawnResponse.htm

taylorlab.psych.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2014/10/2000_Biobehavioral-responses-to-stress-in-females_tend-and-befriend.pdf

What is Fawning?
Fawning it is a protective state in which our nervous system unconsciously and automatically prioritises our safety over the authenticity of our expressions. The term was first coined by Pete Walker, therapist and author, and has been picked up by many interested in Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory.
Fawning is a stress response that allows us to imitate a “safe and social” ventral vagal state, when we are feeling threatened. It happens when it is either not possible, or it would increase danger to ourselves, to Fight or Flee (high sympathetic responses) from the perceived threat. It is also sometimes called appeasement or "people pleasing”.
In this state, we may say or do things that are incongruent with our true feelings, as a survival mechanism. We might act in a way that is friendly, agreeable, even funny, even though we are feeling angry or scared (threatened). We might surrender our own needs or preferences, due to fear that expressing them might make us more unsafe.
When it isn't safe to fight or flee, then pretending to agree with, and perhaps even flatter, the source of "threat" can be a way of achieving safety. The less threatening we appear to another (e.g. a predator), the less likely they are to attack us. They might even relax enough to allow us to escape from the situation unscathed (“Flight”).
An extreme example of Fawning can be seen when people are being held against their will, and attempting to Fight or Flee will not bring them more safety, but more likely lead to an increased risk of harm to them. This can become Stockholm Syndrome, where they begin to identify with their captor, and feel bonded with them.
In terms of the autonomic nervous system, fawning is thought to be a state that involves both high sympathetic activation (stress) and a degree of dorsal vagal (shutdown) engagement. That means that we have lots of sympathetic energy in our bodies, which by itself would make us act bigger, louder, and more threatening. But the dorsal vagal immobilisation tones down our expression, so we act smaller, quieter, and less threatening.

Females:

In trauma studies, we have tended to regard the nervous system as sex and gender neutral. However because women, on average, have far more estrogen than most men do, women are disproportionately impacted by the social nervous system, both its strengths and weaknesses. Estrogen is a bonding hormone that primes us to be perceptive and attuned toother people’s experiences. This awareness of and care for social bonds is crucial for the survival of our species and is an extraordinary gift. It evolved so that we would take exquisite care of our young.
That said, there are downsides to our bonding superpowers.

We are more susceptible to the social nervous system reactions under stress—both fitting in and fawning. Women are often more prone to social comparison, concerned about how our actions are or will be perceived, and hung up on friendship and relationship problems. We can minimize our perspectives, opinions, intelligence, and aspirations to keep the peace or maintain the status quo of our relationships, family, or work life.
These concerns about belonging can become deafening and keep us in unhealthy situations—whether they’re dates or jobs or marriages—way longer than we might like or might be good for us, because we are afraid to break connection, to not be liked, to be labeled a tease, demanding, selfish, or bitchy. We are hardwired to care more about connection and be more socially invested in our relationships than men are.
A better understanding of the impact of hormones could also help us understand some of these behaviors. In the meantime, we can also develop considerable agency when we examine our relationship to social norms, which may be operating to create some level of primal safety but may not be serving our best interests and our true, long-term safety and well-being. Women are confused as to why hey went along with their doctor’s recommendation when it dident feel right, or stayed with an abusive partner, or had sex again with someone who violated them. Yes, our conditioning to be “good,” “nice,” and not disruptive comes into play here, but so does our internal sense of survival, which tells us that we may not survive separation or conflict.
Many women have gone back to their abusers, back into situations where abuse was likely to continue, or simply remained in dangerous environments even though they knew it was unhealthy. It makes no logical sense; why would we do that to ourselves? But the social nervous system sometimes compels us to pull threats closer, and we feel “safer” with proximity to a known threat than with one
that is lurking somewhere out in the world.
Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t have a difficult conversation, even with someone you loved and trusted? You waited and waited, because that interpersonal conflict seemed like such a big deal you could barely handle it? Beneath the fear of confrontation or conflict might also be a fear of losing that connection, and depending on your past history of belonging and attachment, it can feel incredibly scary and difficult to end a relationship. Similarly, consider a more extreme situation in which a woman finds herself afraid for her physical safety, where someone has power over her. Her desire to please and remain socially connected can override her deeper impulses and instincts, and ultimately that can lead to a lot of shame and blame. She will ask herself questions like “Why didn’t I speak up? Protect myself? Get away? Fight?”
Once again, it is essential that we women remember this is not a moral issue; we need to learn about, respect, and have compassion for the survival mechanisms of this complex social nervous system of ours. The more we understand, the more power, more choices, and more true safety is available to us. Being attuned to our social environment is important. Can youimagine if no one paid attention to how their actions impacted others? We’d all be terrible neighbors. That’s not a world we want live in. However, many women err on the side of taking upless space, remaining quiet, becoming invisible, swallowing their needs so as not to create waves or conflict. We unconsciously choose these behaviors, which become habits, and personality styles, because conflict can threaten the intactness of our social nervous system that is critical to our survival.