Post by serenity on Mar 31, 2020 8:26:33 GMT
Hugs ppawar,
I wouldn't think a silence after being so vulnerable and real would mean he's rejected you. Most likely he has no clue what to do with your feelings (he's out of touch with his), and at worst would feel slightly attacked and like they are your issue to deal with? I've had avoidants say such things to me when they reacted very poorly to me explaining the impact of their behaviour on my feelings.
I think you're right, avoidants can see expression of feelings about their behavior as an attack and manipulation as their first reflex, and it helps to reassure them that its not the case. What I would normally do is cool down, then thank them for listening to my feelings even though I know they dislike it/ find it hard, and also let them know I appreciated them for listening. I've left it at that a lot of the time, and a "good" avoidant will usually take your feelings into consideration in future, just from you having mentioned how you feel. If they don't, then you are best to consider them untrustworthy and too selfish.
If you love some things about him still and want to try again, then say so. Tell him what you love and appreciate about him, and what you want exactly. Ask him what he feels he needs too.
If he can't respond to that, then you've done everything you can.
I wouldn't think a silence after being so vulnerable and real would mean he's rejected you. Most likely he has no clue what to do with your feelings (he's out of touch with his), and at worst would feel slightly attacked and like they are your issue to deal with? I've had avoidants say such things to me when they reacted very poorly to me explaining the impact of their behaviour on my feelings.
I think you're right, avoidants can see expression of feelings about their behavior as an attack and manipulation as their first reflex, and it helps to reassure them that its not the case. What I would normally do is cool down, then thank them for listening to my feelings even though I know they dislike it/ find it hard, and also let them know I appreciated them for listening. I've left it at that a lot of the time, and a "good" avoidant will usually take your feelings into consideration in future, just from you having mentioned how you feel. If they don't, then you are best to consider them untrustworthy and too selfish.
If you love some things about him still and want to try again, then say so. Tell him what you love and appreciate about him, and what you want exactly. Ask him what he feels he needs too.
If he can't respond to that, then you've done everything you can.