Post by DearLover on Dec 16, 2017 11:47:53 GMT
Thank you
At the beginning of that relationship I was borderline AP towards secure. I have been hardcore AP in my prior relationships (1 live in and 2 marriages under my belt)
Funnily enough I became secure in that relationship despite of his Avoidance or maybe because of it. So now I see the purpose of this man coming into my life and I am glad and grateful I have been through it.
I still think a lot about what happened but not in a "miss him / love him" kind of way.
I no longer feel like a victim and I no longer blame myself.
Sure, I could have done better in a few situations however, I know I put my heart and soul into the relationship and everything that I did was within alignment of the love and growth that I was seeking for myself and for us.
Every time that I didn't do better, I acted in ignorance (or better saying INNOCENCE) and within the light I was capable of holding and the feedback I was receiving from him.
It is important to me to remind myself that I have never ever being unkind to him and never hurt him on purpose. I avoided all the games and manipulation and always acted from my heart. I left with my head high and 99.9% of the time I look back with a sentiment of love and gratitude, wishing him all the best. The other 00.1% happens because I am still human and evolving. I am able to shift to a positive energy very quickly.
So when I think back in the experience of being in a relationship for him, I am merely sifting what I want and what I don't want moving forward, working on myself, building myself and my self esteem high and solidifying my boundaries. It is a self growth exercise.
I must say that my boundaries are getting stronger and I am being able to hold them firmly in my relationships with other people, family, friends, co-workers etc.
There is a song from The Cure that is being playing in my head over and over again lately. The last stanza totally helps me to remain solid in my boundaries, helps me make people stop taking advantage of my kindness, helps me recognise that when people do burst my boundaries it is ultimately my 'fault' for not having them in place strongly enough.
Here is stanza:
Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more, more, more
At the beginning of that relationship I was borderline AP towards secure. I have been hardcore AP in my prior relationships (1 live in and 2 marriages under my belt)
Funnily enough I became secure in that relationship despite of his Avoidance or maybe because of it. So now I see the purpose of this man coming into my life and I am glad and grateful I have been through it.
I still think a lot about what happened but not in a "miss him / love him" kind of way.
I no longer feel like a victim and I no longer blame myself.
Sure, I could have done better in a few situations however, I know I put my heart and soul into the relationship and everything that I did was within alignment of the love and growth that I was seeking for myself and for us.
Every time that I didn't do better, I acted in ignorance (or better saying INNOCENCE) and within the light I was capable of holding and the feedback I was receiving from him.
It is important to me to remind myself that I have never ever being unkind to him and never hurt him on purpose. I avoided all the games and manipulation and always acted from my heart. I left with my head high and 99.9% of the time I look back with a sentiment of love and gratitude, wishing him all the best. The other 00.1% happens because I am still human and evolving. I am able to shift to a positive energy very quickly.
So when I think back in the experience of being in a relationship for him, I am merely sifting what I want and what I don't want moving forward, working on myself, building myself and my self esteem high and solidifying my boundaries. It is a self growth exercise.
I must say that my boundaries are getting stronger and I am being able to hold them firmly in my relationships with other people, family, friends, co-workers etc.
There is a song from The Cure that is being playing in my head over and over again lately. The last stanza totally helps me to remain solid in my boundaries, helps me make people stop taking advantage of my kindness, helps me recognise that when people do burst my boundaries it is ultimately my 'fault' for not having them in place strongly enough.
Here is stanza:
Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more, more, more