cat
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by cat on Apr 21, 2020 17:47:13 GMT
Hi everyone!I was wondering if showing up late on dates could be a sign of an avoidant attachment style. I'm an avoidant and I tend to show up late on dates.I swear I don't do it on purpose and I know it's disrespectful but ONLY when It comes to dates, I feel like I can't manage to be on time. I'm almost never late when I see my friends or in other activities of any sort. I think It has to do with myperfectionism. I'm always too much insecure and scared of not looking good so I spend ages getting ready for a date. Proscrastination is also an issue for me but in the end I achieve personal goals. I was wondering if this is a common struggle for avoidants, maybe due to subconscious reasons. Thanks you all for reading  |
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Post by nyc718 on Apr 21, 2020 23:36:07 GMT
Hi everyone!I was wondering if showing up late on dates could be a sign of an avoidant attachment style. I'm an avoidant and I tend to show up late on dates.I swear I don't do it on purpose and I know it's disrespectful but ONLY when It comes to dates, I feel like I can't manage to be on time. I'm almost never late when I see my friends or in other activities of any sort. I think It has to do with myperfectionism. I'm always too much insecure and scared of not looking good so I spend ages getting ready for a date. Proscrastination is also an issue for me but in the end I achieve personal goals. I was wondering if this is a common struggle for avoidants, maybe due to subconscious reasons. Thanks you all for reading Are you subconsciously trying to mess things up before they can even have a chance? I could see that being the case of you are avoidant. I believe anyone can be on time if they really want to be, and you already know that you can be on time for other things. |
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Post by alexandra on Apr 22, 2020 1:16:51 GMT
cat, it may be a sign of avoidance / sabotage, but it also doesn't have to be. I'm often up to 20 minutes late but have always had very low avoidance! I used to be AP, but it isn't an anxiety thing... I just don't like being early and waiting when I could be doing something else, so I try to time it to be exactly on time -- which means if anything unexpected comes up at all, I'm now running late. And probably texting an apology and arrival time estimate. I could just always leave 15 minutes earlier, but it's not my temperament to be that rigid unless I'm really, really trying (like, if I know I'm meeting someone who is usually early and I'll then feel guiltier about their time spent if they're waiting much, since it's not like I think my time is more valuable than theirs). So it depends on if you feel it may be an avoidance thing once you honestly peel back the reasons. For some, it may be not enough respect for others, for some it may be self-sabotage, for others a sign of disorganization, some may even be late due to social anxiety and needing everything to be perfect and "controlled" before you can even leave for your destination. Or, it could just be getting easily distracted or being not great at logistics.
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