Post by jayber on May 23, 2020 23:25:39 GMT
I used to think I was Anxiously attached, but during lockdown I had a eureka moment when I realised I am FA.
My ex was FA who activated my anxiety strongly. I had therapy and feel I have the anxious side of me in much better check and have much better self-esteem and self appreciation.
But the avoidant in me - wow - Its like I discovered a light bulb realising that I have this. I used the skills of self-awareness I gained in therapy and figured out:
I was abused at home emotionally and physically. The people I looked up to and so wanted to be approved by, took advantage of me, didn’t care for me, beat me and humiliated me. I spent so much time desperately wanting them to like and love me that I lost sight of who I am and my needs. They controlled me and forced me to be someone I didn’t want to be often.
I am so happy I have discovered this about myself. It means I can work on it and I made big strides beforehand in anxiety management through therapy. It explains why I’ve almost never had a real secure reliable relationship.
My ex was FA who activated my anxiety strongly. I had therapy and feel I have the anxious side of me in much better check and have much better self-esteem and self appreciation.
But the avoidant in me - wow - Its like I discovered a light bulb realising that I have this. I used the skills of self-awareness I gained in therapy and figured out:
- I think negatively of others, their intentions and their worth but I want close relationships with people.
- I abandon anyone who tries to get close to me quickly. I can’t stand feeling I will be trapped and it makes me feel like I sacrifice my life for their happiness. Avoidants don’t make me feel trapped or put demands on me, so I am more likely to lean towards them.
- I am fearful of reaching out to people and being vulnerable even if I want close relationships. I worry about being rejected but i worry also about getting stuck with someone and getting exhausted by that person.
- I am hyper vigilant. I can read minute details from facial expressions and behaviours. I am spending a lot of energy trying to manage others and lose sight of myself by doing this.
- I fear social situations, not because I don’t like them, but because I anticipate I will exhaust myself through hyper vigilance. I relish a lot of time to myself. I need to know there is an “end” to parties or social events.
- I am extremely sensitive to criticism or perceived criticism but I can be brutally honest when I give feedback to others.
I was abused at home emotionally and physically. The people I looked up to and so wanted to be approved by, took advantage of me, didn’t care for me, beat me and humiliated me. I spent so much time desperately wanting them to like and love me that I lost sight of who I am and my needs. They controlled me and forced me to be someone I didn’t want to be often.
I am so happy I have discovered this about myself. It means I can work on it and I made big strides beforehand in anxiety management through therapy. It explains why I’ve almost never had a real secure reliable relationship.
