Post by tnr9 on Jun 15, 2020 13:30:36 GMT
Hey all.....so....I don’t have anything further to discuss about B....so....I am moving on to more personal topics that perhaps others relate to and ones we can help each other with.
I have been noticing 2 very visceral reactions to either actually disappointing someone or perceiving I am disappointing them.
The first is that I get “angry” and I build huge walls and develop an “f you” mentality....but....this is really a mask for the second reaction...
The second reaction is I cry....because I fear the perceived judgement from the other person. This reaction is so instinctual, that I am actually welling up right now because of fear of being judged...yep...by a forum of internet folks. This second reaction happens every single session with my therapist even though she has told me over and over again that she would never judge me. Being judged or feeling like I will be judged is I believe at the root of my reaction to disappointing others.
It really is tied back to my parents...but mainly my mom since that is who I grew up with. Unfortunately she and I are just very different and I disappointed her on a daily basis. Just this weekend I was late to a zoom call with her family and when I called her afterwards to catch up...the very first thing she said was “why were you late? I sent you an email”. Which just made the rest of the conversation a bit awkward.
I am trying to develop some tools with my therapist...but wondered if anyone else has had a similar reaction and found some great tools to address it.
I have been noticing 2 very visceral reactions to either actually disappointing someone or perceiving I am disappointing them.
The first is that I get “angry” and I build huge walls and develop an “f you” mentality....but....this is really a mask for the second reaction...
The second reaction is I cry....because I fear the perceived judgement from the other person. This reaction is so instinctual, that I am actually welling up right now because of fear of being judged...yep...by a forum of internet folks. This second reaction happens every single session with my therapist even though she has told me over and over again that she would never judge me. Being judged or feeling like I will be judged is I believe at the root of my reaction to disappointing others.
It really is tied back to my parents...but mainly my mom since that is who I grew up with. Unfortunately she and I are just very different and I disappointed her on a daily basis. Just this weekend I was late to a zoom call with her family and when I called her afterwards to catch up...the very first thing she said was “why were you late? I sent you an email”. Which just made the rest of the conversation a bit awkward.
I am trying to develop some tools with my therapist...but wondered if anyone else has had a similar reaction and found some great tools to address it.
