Narcissists in relation to anger:
They are not interested in finding solutions, but they are interested in the drama.
Do not take the bedding/the bait
Do not defend or explain yourself
Insist to focus on one topic and do not let them hijack the situation
A narcissist will never be interested looking at the situation from your point of wiew or being really interested in your perspective
A narcissist is very self-centered - everything has to be about the narcissist
A narcissist often does not have any self-reflection or self-irony and is often not able to laugh at themselves
A narcissist will never take responsibility, because responsibility is = fault and fault is = shame
Confrontations with narcissists will never end well
If healthy boundarie setting does not work on them, then stay away. Possibly end the contact or keep the contact at an absolute tolerable minimum.
You never get at healthy relationsship with a narcissist. Give up the dream or hope.
Narcissists often have an agressive anger pattern and a passive-aggressive anger pattern.
Look up "grey rock" if you are dealing with a narcissist.
AGGRESSIVE
Typical for the aggressive anger is that it is outreaching. You are doing something with your anger. e.g. shouts, gangs, criticizes, swings, becomes violent ect.
• Short-lived and flammable
• Explodes easily
• Comes fast and often hot (also without obvious reason)
• Easily intercepted with others
• Low patience threshold
• Big need for control (my way or the highway)
• May be extremely annoyed by people, if they make mistakes
• Quickly provoke and take things very personally
• May have lost friends, partners or jobs because of one's temperament
• May have ended relationships in anger and later regretted it
• At worst violent behavior
(narcissists and psykopaths anger pattern plus passive agressive - remember you can not use normal boundarie setting with narcs!)
Passive-Aggressive
People with passive-aggressive anger patterns are not outreaching like the aggressive, but they avoid conflict and are passive. They are angry and they are interested in punishing and in conflict, but they prefer to make it hidden.
• Anger through the back door - disguised, indirectly
• Does not become visibly angry, but sabotages and punishes instead in the hidden - eg by: being late/"forget" things (appointments / deadlines / to reply back to messages, etc.)/refuse to cooperate (say yes to do something but do not do it)/ deny their involvement if confronted/play innocent or stupid ("God, I have not thought about it!")/jam, expose
• Punishes with coolness, ignorance and silence
• Tends to confuse, irritate and provoke others (consciously but without admitting it)
• "Then you can learn it!"
• scums instead of saying that you are angry
• Sarcasm, suppositories and "out of the side" attacks (often masked as humor or "ha-ha-it-is-jo-just-for-fun" laughter)
Fleabags stepmom
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd3r_Id78ckm.youtube.com/watch?v=8-Th6Gu1moI