In episode 21, psychologist and author of ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Narcissistic Relationship’, Dr Ramani Durvasula, tells me:
-how to spot a narcissist -what to do if you are in a relationship with one -the reason a narcissist cheats -how to win over your narcissistic boss -the single most important way to prevent your child from becoming a narcissist -what Dr Ramani makes of Donald Trump’s personality traits -the difference between a narcissist, sociopath and psychopath -who will charm you the most; a psychopath or sociopath -how a psychopath would react if you told them they were a psychopath -what to do if you think your friend or colleague is a sociopath
🔹The hidden clues of a narcissist within their Instagram posts 🔹Why millions of us are drawn to follow narcissists on social media 🔹The best way to handle a narcissist when they are trying to hurt you 🔹Who a narcissist is most likely to target 🔹The narcissistic red flags during early days of romantic dating 🔹How to take back your life from a narcissist 🔹When narcissists themselves feel sadness and pain 🔹How to deal with a narcissistic parent or sibling 🔹The symptoms of post-narcissistic stress disorder 🔹What causes a person to become narcissistic 🔹Why narcissism is becoming “the new normal” 🔹What to do if you think YOU are a narcissist 🔹Key steps a parent can take to prevent their child from becoming selfish and entitled 🔹Tips for dealing with trolls on social media 🔹How to handle gaslighting
Terry Real, psychotherapist and founder of Relational Life Therapy, specializes in working with men, particularly narcissistic, or what he calls “grandiose” men. In this deeply informative and timely interview, Terry talks to us about the different forms of narcissism, how narcissism develops, and the ways it emerges in relationships. In an era with Donald Trump as our leader, male narcissism rears its toxic head societally as well as within relationships, resulting in painful psychic and emotional consequences. We find out how narcissism expresses itself emotionally and sexually and ways that we can begin to deconstruct patriarchy by helping men to be more relational.
What is a grandiose narcissist? What is a covert narcissist? What is a malignant narcissist? What is a communal narcissist? How do you spot the signs of each type of narcissist? Which type of narcissist makes a good criminal? Which types of narcissists have empathy? Which type of narcissism is often misdiagnosed with depression? Which type of narcissist loves to post on social media? Are there more narcissistic men or women? Does narcissism help people become successful in their career? Does success make people narcissistic?
Disregulated People who are in a kind of freeze state and low on energy/who are nummed out are more prone to attract people with dysregulated prepretator energy. People with prepretator energy say that they can spot people in freeze/they can feel their low energy miles away. For examble at a bar.
If you are low on energy, in freeze/shut down and not well regulated be carefull because you can attract these type of people without being aware of it. You are in risk of being hunted like wounded/weak animals in the wild. You are also not able to detect danger the same way as if you were wellregulated.
They are not interested in finding solutions, but they are interested in the drama. Do not take the bedding/the bait Do not defend or explain yourself Insist to focus on one topic and do not let them hijack the situation A narcissist will never be interested looking at the situation from your point of wiew or being really interested in your perspective A narcissist is very self-centered - everything has to be about the narcissist A narcissist often does not have any self-reflection or self-irony and is often not able to laugh at themselves A narcissist will never take responsibility, because responsibility is = fault and fault is = shame Confrontations with narcissists will never end well If healthy boundarie setting does not work on them, then stay away. Possibly end the contact or keep the contact at an absolute tolerable minimum. You never get at healthy relationsship with a narcissist. Give up the dream or hope. Narcissists often have an agressive anger pattern and a passive-aggressive anger pattern. Look up "grey rock" if you are dealing with a narcissist.
AGGRESSIVE Typical for the aggressive anger is that it is outreaching. You are doing something with your anger. e.g. shouts, gangs, criticizes, swings, becomes violent ect. • Short-lived and flammable • Explodes easily • Comes fast and often hot (also without obvious reason) • Easily intercepted with others • Low patience threshold • Big need for control (my way or the highway) • May be extremely annoyed by people, if they make mistakes • Quickly provoke and take things very personally • May have lost friends, partners or jobs because of one's temperament • May have ended relationships in anger and later regretted it • At worst violent behavior (narcissists and psykopaths anger pattern plus passive agressive - remember you can not use normal boundarie setting with narcs!)
People with passive-aggressive anger patterns are not outreaching like the aggressive, but they avoid conflict and are passive. They are angry and they are interested in punishing and in conflict, but they prefer to make it hidden. • Anger through the back door - disguised, indirectly • Does not become visibly angry, but sabotages and punishes instead in the hidden - eg by: being late/"forget" things (appointments / deadlines / to reply back to messages, etc.)/refuse to cooperate (say yes to do something but do not do it)/ deny their involvement if confronted/play innocent or stupid ("God, I have not thought about it!")/jam, expose • Punishes with coolness, ignorance and silence • Tends to confuse, irritate and provoke others (consciously but without admitting it) • "Then you can learn it!" • scums instead of saying that you are angry • Sarcasm, suppositories and "out of the side" attacks (often masked as humor or "ha-ha-it-is-jo-just-for-fun" laughter)
Libeth Duvringe/Mike Florette Female narcs/psykopaths at the workplace
- dramaqueens - manipulates
- uses sex to manipulate
- creates drama
- can be very charming
- uses splitting
- bullies -spread rumors - gossip - can also have historinc personality disorder
Female psychopaths Master of manipulation in the workplace "When the publication of our previous book, 'Psychopaths in working life', interest in the subject completely exploded and it shows that our thoughts about psychopathic behavior affect many," says Lisbet Duvringe. It's scary, taboo but also a bit of a tickling topic for many, says Mike Florette. More people need to know more, they both agree ”. In the new book, the authors focus specifically on female psychopathic behavior. It differs from the male and it is more difficult to detect female psychopaths. They are even more driven and uninhibited in their manipulation than male psychopaths, the authors say. The new book is based on interviews, conversations and research by several famous researchers, including the world-famous brain researcher James Fallon, who has also written the foreword to the book. The book also contains 14 stories about people who have been affected by female psychopaths. It also contains advice, prompts and tips on how to approach it.