alice
Full Member
Posts: 128
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Post by alice on Jun 19, 2020 3:37:06 GMT
I can see that this has been discussed on this forum before, but can I get some fresh perspectives?
What is the difference between someone secure who is turned off and bored vs. someone who is insecurely attached and bored/turned off?
What is going on when an insecurely attached person finds someone desperate because they are open and honest with their feelings or about what they want?
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Post by alexandra on Jun 19, 2020 4:27:13 GMT
alice, a secure person will tell you and be honest about it, either to find a solution or to end it. An insecure person likely won't communicate directly about it until their emotions have boiled over, and then they'll act out or shut down and ghost.
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Post by tnr9 on Jun 19, 2020 11:18:27 GMT
I can see that this has been discussed on this forum before, but can I get some fresh perspectives? What is the difference between someone secure who is turned off and bored vs. someone who is insecurely attached and bored/turned off? What is going on when an insecurely attached person finds someone desperate because they are open and honest with their feelings or about what they want? The last question is more about projection, fear and lack of good boundaries within the insecurely attached person. It honestly is more about that person’s internal state then it is about you or what you are asking for. |
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Post by annieb on Jun 19, 2020 12:05:29 GMT
I can see that this has been discussed on this forum before, but can I get some fresh perspectives? What is the difference between someone secure who is turned off and bored vs. someone who is insecurely attached and bored/turned off? What is going on when an insecurely attached person finds someone desperate because they are open and honest with their feelings or about what they want? The main difference between an insecurely and securely attached person is that for an insecurely attached person - the boredom can be a coping mechanism to sabotage the relationship and to re-live their abandonment fears. Vs a secure person can be interested or bored without that. A secure person does not fear abandonment (or insert whatever is the fear that an insecurely attaches person is dealing with), therefore they don’t have to orchestrate the other person to imaginatively avoid or facilitate it. But an insecure person is still a person with their likes and dislikes and could get bored as well. I think we don’t give ourselves enough credit, we are perfectly capable of getting bored with someone due to other reasons than our perceived abandonment.... |
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