Post by lonewolf on Jul 17, 2020 7:06:35 GMT
I have just learned about creative visualization and related techniques so this is a wealth of information. I actually think I have intuitively done this in the past but learning the name and methods are new to me.
I find it interesting that @becomingme brought up arousal because this something I struggle with as well. Of course I desire to be attracted to my partner but I am not attracted to many people. When I feel that "spark" I had not honestly considered it could be more accurately described as a "trigger." But am I really feeling "aroused" and "sexy" biting my nails by the phone or wondering if the guy I'm with really cares about me? No! It is more accurately like once we finally go to bed together, it soothes my anxiety. Of course, as soon as the day comes and he leaves I have the anxiety again.
shiningstar 's methods make things a bit more clear. I've been very resistant to dating men I'm not attracted to--why should I??? I've also dutifully given men several chances, even when I'm not feeling it, because I know he is a good guy and I want to like him. I'm sure our partners are confused by FAs, but I'm confused too! Here:
"I used to assume that people behave well in relationships and would want the relationship to grow and be better and stronger, but that is just not true. Some may want it but not able to do it, some just don't want that at all but say otherwise."
The ideas of focusing on expanding/contracting feeling in the internal self and a sense of rigidity is such a good tool that I will remember as I interact with men. If I am feeling small and hurt maybe I'm not really enjoying my time around him as much as I think I am! But for me at least, it can be hard to separate feelings of positive and negative arousal, meaning i'm unsure of how to proceed in the relationship and need tools to help me.
It brings up something @alive brought up which is the difference between friends and lovers. With friends I find it much easier to assess if I want the person around. If I'm not enjoying my time with them, I don't see them anymore. But with lovers, as you are naturally closer, there's passion, etc. it's so much harder for me to assess about the relationship.
When I was dating, i observed if this person did/say things that made me feel rigid, and that person is immediately filtered away.
Still not sure what to do but I am learning!