Post by alice on Jul 13, 2020 21:03:51 GMT
I was thinking through different things I've felt and why I have and what those feelings are like. I'm going to make a bit of a list here. If you have had these and can relate, can you share your experience? Feel free to add others also.
Numb - For me, this is after being drained. I just feel nothing when this happens and it's usually an improvement because I feel it after being hurt a lot and I am drained. It's usually positive (as an improvement) but it doesn't help me if I want to move on to try something with someone else.
Freeze - This feels dead inside. This happens when someone I trust does something to lose my trust (at least as I perceive it). It's possible I'm being hyper vigilant. It's different from going numb because of when it happens, but I go dead inside out of nowhere. It may be a form of dissociation. I feel like I'm outside of my body in a sense. I am fully functioning and can hear myself speak but I am not on my feet or fully thinking or engaged. It also happens in times when I feel embarrassed or like I could be embarrassed in a situation.
Engulfed - This feels like drowning. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I am also drained in this situation, usually by someone else's emotions. They don't take mine into account at all. Theirs are so heavy, and I can't get any energy from my interactions with them because they are only dumping (like water) their emotions on to me. Everything is super emotional and I just want to be very logical in this kind of situation because that feels so much better.
Enmeshed - This feels like disgust and bondage. This one is harder for me to explain as a contrast to the last one. I feel like I'm not allowed to be my own person. That I am supposed to be a certain way to fix or satisfy the emotions of another person. It grosses me out because I have no freedom to be myself. And I am usually with someone who I have lost attraction for because my role is to just fix his emotions and he is just a weak disgusting person to me, but I am probably attached and stuck and dying to get out.
Numb - For me, this is after being drained. I just feel nothing when this happens and it's usually an improvement because I feel it after being hurt a lot and I am drained. It's usually positive (as an improvement) but it doesn't help me if I want to move on to try something with someone else.
Freeze - This feels dead inside. This happens when someone I trust does something to lose my trust (at least as I perceive it). It's possible I'm being hyper vigilant. It's different from going numb because of when it happens, but I go dead inside out of nowhere. It may be a form of dissociation. I feel like I'm outside of my body in a sense. I am fully functioning and can hear myself speak but I am not on my feet or fully thinking or engaged. It also happens in times when I feel embarrassed or like I could be embarrassed in a situation.
Engulfed - This feels like drowning. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I am also drained in this situation, usually by someone else's emotions. They don't take mine into account at all. Theirs are so heavy, and I can't get any energy from my interactions with them because they are only dumping (like water) their emotions on to me. Everything is super emotional and I just want to be very logical in this kind of situation because that feels so much better.
Enmeshed - This feels like disgust and bondage. This one is harder for me to explain as a contrast to the last one. I feel like I'm not allowed to be my own person. That I am supposed to be a certain way to fix or satisfy the emotions of another person. It grosses me out because I have no freedom to be myself. And I am usually with someone who I have lost attraction for because my role is to just fix his emotions and he is just a weak disgusting person to me, but I am probably attached and stuck and dying to get out.