Post by alexandra on Dec 27, 2020 4:10:38 GMT
Cheers to that!!!! 🥳
Also what is most clear to me at this point is the extent to which our dynamic always felt like a power struggle. I am so ready to walk away from that and work on finding a relationship where I’m not constantly fighting keep my power or to avoid giving it away. I can see how there would be no place for that in a secure dynamic.
FWIW, there's zero power struggle with my earned secure boyfriend and there never has been. It organically always just felt like both getting to know each other --> always on the same team. Sometimes he helps me finish things that I need to get done without my asking (like, my own chores, versus chores we need to get done), and then I feel a little bad about it and say that and he responds... "why, I don't mind and it still needed to get done." I'm still used to all my prior romantic relationships being a power struggle, and when he says that I'm like, oh.... Cool! On the flip side, I recognize that the faster we both get all the chores done, the more downtime we can spend together. So it's not him trying too hard to help me or anything transactional -- it's not at all from a place of power dynamics or control, it's just adulting.
He has also said (since he's earned secure and also had lots of power dynamics involved in past relationships) that it's so great and easy, he doesn't have to expend any energy on managing the dynamics in the relationship (ie overfunctioning and mind-reading) and instead can just put energy into enjoying the relationship itself. I agree, and it's really so much better... the relationship adding value instead of sucking out energy. I've been a big fan of these secure dynamics and recommend them!