I had never before considered how critical having options is for me....growing up I felt I had very little control on things that were happening to and around me and my response was to shut down or resist anything that felt like an obligation. In fact...it has now become a running joke between my mom and I that if she wants me to do anything, she should suggest that I do not do it. But in all earnest....it has been a real hindrance to my self care as I spent sooo much time in a fight mode with my parents. I now realize that I have a need for options....I have a need to have a voice in any and all decisions that impact me which is why I can’t date someone who won’t honor that need. I am also altering my self talk language to be more open and choice driven.
my response was to shut down or resist anything that felt like an obligation
This is spot on for me. The solution for me wasn't merely 'options', but having a CHOICE in the matter. In any matter, even if it's an actual obligation. Knowing that I'm choosing to do it instead of being forced into it by pushy people, makes me a lot more likely to do it.
In short: I hate being controlled. But that's... normal. And in the environment I grew up in, control was inescapable, so my response to it was inevitable.