Do they want us to chase ? Jan 4, 2021 8:39:20 GMT
Post by KAI on Jan 4, 2021 8:39:20 GMT
i won't get too much into specifics, but i got dumped by my supposedly FA (after reading a lot on this forum, she's almost textbook i would say) gf 2 weeks ago. It was "out of the blue" (that's what we all say, right?lol) after 4 months of an ideal very intense relationship. She was not withdrawing at all during those 4 months, was very open, tender, asking for reassurance all the time, saying she loved me lot, that i was the person she was waiting for etc etc. I never once felt an ounce of that dismissive side during that period. Then it stroke hard.
After the breakup, i went NC for 1 week, then couldn't resist and send her an emotional "i'm sorry it ended" msg, but acknowledging the breakup as well (not trying to convince her that we should get back, just expressing i was sad, and that we could have worked on sthg, but that's all). She answered rationalizing the breakup, only being regretful for having cried the night of the breakup basically. Apart from that, the only thing she coudl say is 'we had reached the end of something" etc.
We agreed in meeting in january so that i could get my stuff back. (im not ready now so i will wait another 10 days or so, i think)
Another week or so went by and here we are.
In the meantime, the 1st week, she deleted all obvious signs that we had sthg going on on social networks (pics and comments), prevents me from seeing her stories, but still looks at mine. She might have gone back to her ex (which she said she despised a lot while we were together) but i think more for a fling or having sex. This guy has been chasing her a lot while we were together (trying to convince her to get back), to the point that they argued a lot, and she ceased being friends with him on Facebook and Insta... until right after the breakup. And i saw that they totally reconected as it was her b-day, and he spent it with her (and other friends - so i don't know he it's bc they're back together or just because she invited those friends over)
So the underlying question is : did his chasing offered some kind of reassurance that he will always be there for her, and made her want to go back ? Did my efforts in staying in limited contact pushed her even further ? IS that what she wanted : that i began chasing to prove her how much i love her ?
Thanks for your answers and insights, all appreciated !!
(i think i might also be FA or at least AP/FA as well .. (i might turn secure rapidly if i'm in a healthy relationship though) which complicates the matter even more, and if it was me i think i might give in to the romanticism of somebody professing her love to me after i so abruptly ended it .. but my avoidant side prevents me from doing so, or maybe it's just that i don't want to humiliate myself or get rejected again..)