FA rebound / splitting / Jan 6, 2021 20:45:31 GMT
Post by KAI on Jan 6, 2021 20:45:31 GMT
still launched into a whilrwind of emotions and questions after a breakup that happened almost 3 weeks ago. It was very sudden and before that, she was the most tender, communicative, loveable girl you can imagine. Saying a lot she loved me and how i was the person she was waiting for. She was also very anxious, in constant need of reassurance on my part (jealousy, neediness). I found it very sweet, and as i think i might also be a bit AP, i could relate, i woudl reassure her, but also at times i had to be reassured myself, and she was doing it. But at some point, i must have triggered something, or maybe it's just that she felt the relationship was getting more real, or too much closeness, i don't know, anyway, all of a sudden, she turned dismissive, that's why i came to think she might be FA. Anxious in the beggining, then the switch.
Now something troubles me. I get the fearful turning dismissive part, there are a lot of stories here that describe this sudden switch. But during our whole relation, she was telling the absolute WORST of her ex every time she mentioned him (they had their thing going on for 5 months. we began tchatting through insta before they broke up, and made out maybe 1 or 2 weeks after) she even removed him from social media at some point, and expressed how irritated she was with him a lot (they had to work together sometimes so they had to meet, and she was always reluctant). To sum up, in her mouth, he was a complete half-wit moron, and she left him because they were "totally incompatible" in her own words. He has been pursuing her for i would say 2 months of our 4 months relationship, then they argued and she starting ignoring him. But was always anxious when she had to be in contact with him.
Now, even though she prevents me from seeing her stories on insta, she added him again on fb and insta and i know for a fact that they're back together. Probably the week right after we broke up. This is very puzzling to me.
I wonder if this is some kind of splitting that she is able to have a relationship with that guy that she expressed despising ? I get the need to go on a rebound, but i'm still baffled at how she would choose him to do that.. Of course he was very available, he has been waiting for that the whole time, but on her part, i have a feeling that it might be beyond FA.
Do you have any insight on that ? Do FAs often get into a rebound ? Is she circling back or having a cycle with him ? Is this what this is ? Is she filling the void or avoiding her feelings concerning the breakup by doing that ? And also : why would she say all those things on him to turn to him again ? IS it splitting ? I know that persons with bpd can do that this black and white thinking, is this also an FA trait ?
I know that some of you will react saying : FOCUS ON YOURSELF, and i do most of the time or at least i try, but it's quite recent, and i just had the proof right now that this is happening, that she can be despising someone and go back to him just like that. WTF. This is not something i can really talk or have feedback on with my close friends, they are not familiar neither with the FA patterns (and neither am i) or the BPD (i had 2 relationships with a bpd before, so i am more familiar with that so to speak)
So ... HELP ... Anything ...