Post by KAI on Jan 13, 2021 8:04:57 GMT
it's funny. I suppose some of you ran into the same frustrating thing i do now, from time to time, depending on people.
Of course, when you breakup, and even more so when you break up having been in an emotionnally abusive relationship, you have to do a lot of talking. Unwind. At least that is my case.
So your friends, family hear a lot about your stories.
-In my case, as she most certainly is an extreme FA (maybe borderline?), i had the very radical on/off breakup.
So of course, you sound like the innocent stupid guy that could'nt see "she was not that into you".
-Concerning her going back to her mediocre ex bf (her own words) straight away =
"sometimes people express hating somebody because in fact they are still in love". What ? Really ? Well, people that don't have a damn clue about what's going on inside of them, maybe. I saw that in very cheap romantic comedies, yes : the girl seemingly hating the guy all along, and all of a sudden, it turns into sexual tension, and bam, they are madly in love. But in real life, nope.
"she was trying to convince herself that she wasn't in love with him anymore". all right. sigh. she was probably also trying to convince herself that she was head over heels in love with me at the same time. But why would she do that ? She could have just go back to him straight away.. Not dramatic enough ? i know....
-And, last but not least, when i try to talk about the theory of attachment, "you shouldnt' put people into categories". "sometimes, it just doesn't work, you don't know why".
You don't know why, but wouldn't you like to know ?? To some of my friends, i have the impression that i sound crazy when i try to explain that yes, it exists, yes it explains a lot, yes once you begin to compare what has been studied about the way people act and what you can personnally witness in your life or close people in your life, there are some troubling patterns.
It's like people don't want to know/are too afraid of finding out it's not that magical. Or it can be magical but also "technical". It's like people don't want to find out that maybe the earth is not flat. "we are perfectly content with our belief that the earth is flat, we don't want to know about gravity and stuff, leave us alone".
So i stopped. I still talk to some of my friends about that, when they seem to be more open to it. If not, i just listen to their way of thinking, or change subject, or don't comment. Sometimes it's very frustrating. I don't know about you, but here, in France, very few people know about attachment... except people that have been really abused. (i had the same thing when i was involved with an unaware bpd, then a DA, then an aware bpd)
So what do you think ? Do you have some funny stories about how you were trying to express what happened for you and your S.O and people were like "nooooo, it's not like that, it's more probably that ...."