Post by joan on Feb 16, 2021 17:25:28 GMT
I haven't posted on here since that whole incident of my ex DA or whatever he is posting all of those things about me on here.
I think at this point he won't be going on here, so it's safe for me to post.
I'm feeling so utterly lost, confused and devastated. During our five year "relationship" I was still technically married. It was only on paper. My ex-husband served me divorce papers over 10 years ago, I signed off on them and he was to take care of the rest. He never filed them so recently found we were still married, and the divorce shows as open with the courts. My ex DA found out and now I'm the evil, conniving one who "tricked" him into being with me. That was never the case.
I did still have sporadic contact with my ex-husband. It was always him contacting me checking up on me, and saying he just wanted to make sure I was okay. There is so much backstory but I don't want this thread to be too long.
What I'm so utterly confused about is this whole thing with my ex DA. We saw each other for 5 years. I wasn't ever technically his girlfriend. He acted like we were a couple. Saw each other weekly, he spent the night every weekend, texted everyday, we agreed from the start not to see anyone else. He said his father with dementia who he helps his mom take care of was his priority. He also kept telling me he didn't see a future with me, and there was always some reason or another he'd start a fight with me or break up with me. I always chased and begged for him to keep seeing me.
He'd broken up with me once before for a month, but contacted me again so we resumed our "relationship." Almost a year ago, back in April he broke up with me again. It's always right before he breaks up with me that he gets distant, isn't affection or intimate with me, and just acts differently. Then he'll come out with a reason that he can't be with me. His reason back in April was I was lying about following a diet, and that I took anti-depressants. When he came over to break up with me he didn't show one bit of empathy, regret or sadness. He almost seemed happy.
I was crushed beyond belief to say the least. I spiraled out of control. First it was this deep depression, then as I started to feel better I found him online dating. Not even a month after our break up. I spiraled out of control. I started dating with a vengence, drinking, doing drugs, and running from my Self.
3 months after he broke up with me he texts and calls me. He claimed he saw a picture of my son online, and it triggered him. I told him to meet me. I was leery about why he was contacting me again. I figured he was bored, curious about me, or something along those lines. When we met up I told him I was dating in the hopes he'd be open about dating. Instead he claimed he'd been missing me and couldn't stop thinking of me during those 3 months. He tried online dating, but couldn't go through with going on a date because of missing me. He told me for the first time he loved me, and was very emotional. This was all after I'd told him I'd been dating. He goes into my bathroom, comes out with tears in his eyes and shows that he pulled up my online dating profile where I'd lied about being younger, and had a fake name. He saw that as me just looking for a hook up. For me it was the attention and boredom.
When we saw each other again he freaked out, grabbed my phone, went through my texts and pictures and saw the guys I'd been dating, and stalked out each one. Calling them, interrogating them for information on what we did, and even created a fake profile of me to trick these guys into revealing things about me. He even managed to bring one of the guys over to my place to confront me about what we did.
I'll admit I lied to him in the beginning and only admitted to kissing one guy, but over time he found out and I confessed to sleeping with two different people.
We've gone back and forth where we'd fight over this, but then he'd "romance" me by taking me to family functions, around his friends, romantic dinners, telling me how much he loved me, seeing me even more then he did at any time during our five years together before. I've suspected he's a narcissist. Things don't make sense. It doesn't add up.
That's the part where I desperately need to understand what this all is. Make sense of this. He's now acting distant, cold and saying he could never be with someone who's lied, slept around, did drugs and is married. I get it, but why continue to see me, be intimate with me, and give me any kind of hope? Now that all that "excitement" has died down, he seems to be getting bored, and that's why I feel he's ready to stop seeing me again.
I'm in therapy, desperately trying to work on myself, absolutely afraid of going down that black hole I went through during those three months, but also trying to make sense of my reality, whatever this is. I feel like I'm going crazy. I really need some insight, advice!
I think at this point he won't be going on here, so it's safe for me to post.
I'm feeling so utterly lost, confused and devastated. During our five year "relationship" I was still technically married. It was only on paper. My ex-husband served me divorce papers over 10 years ago, I signed off on them and he was to take care of the rest. He never filed them so recently found we were still married, and the divorce shows as open with the courts. My ex DA found out and now I'm the evil, conniving one who "tricked" him into being with me. That was never the case.
I did still have sporadic contact with my ex-husband. It was always him contacting me checking up on me, and saying he just wanted to make sure I was okay. There is so much backstory but I don't want this thread to be too long.
What I'm so utterly confused about is this whole thing with my ex DA. We saw each other for 5 years. I wasn't ever technically his girlfriend. He acted like we were a couple. Saw each other weekly, he spent the night every weekend, texted everyday, we agreed from the start not to see anyone else. He said his father with dementia who he helps his mom take care of was his priority. He also kept telling me he didn't see a future with me, and there was always some reason or another he'd start a fight with me or break up with me. I always chased and begged for him to keep seeing me.
He'd broken up with me once before for a month, but contacted me again so we resumed our "relationship." Almost a year ago, back in April he broke up with me again. It's always right before he breaks up with me that he gets distant, isn't affection or intimate with me, and just acts differently. Then he'll come out with a reason that he can't be with me. His reason back in April was I was lying about following a diet, and that I took anti-depressants. When he came over to break up with me he didn't show one bit of empathy, regret or sadness. He almost seemed happy.
I was crushed beyond belief to say the least. I spiraled out of control. First it was this deep depression, then as I started to feel better I found him online dating. Not even a month after our break up. I spiraled out of control. I started dating with a vengence, drinking, doing drugs, and running from my Self.
3 months after he broke up with me he texts and calls me. He claimed he saw a picture of my son online, and it triggered him. I told him to meet me. I was leery about why he was contacting me again. I figured he was bored, curious about me, or something along those lines. When we met up I told him I was dating in the hopes he'd be open about dating. Instead he claimed he'd been missing me and couldn't stop thinking of me during those 3 months. He tried online dating, but couldn't go through with going on a date because of missing me. He told me for the first time he loved me, and was very emotional. This was all after I'd told him I'd been dating. He goes into my bathroom, comes out with tears in his eyes and shows that he pulled up my online dating profile where I'd lied about being younger, and had a fake name. He saw that as me just looking for a hook up. For me it was the attention and boredom.
When we saw each other again he freaked out, grabbed my phone, went through my texts and pictures and saw the guys I'd been dating, and stalked out each one. Calling them, interrogating them for information on what we did, and even created a fake profile of me to trick these guys into revealing things about me. He even managed to bring one of the guys over to my place to confront me about what we did.
I'll admit I lied to him in the beginning and only admitted to kissing one guy, but over time he found out and I confessed to sleeping with two different people.
We've gone back and forth where we'd fight over this, but then he'd "romance" me by taking me to family functions, around his friends, romantic dinners, telling me how much he loved me, seeing me even more then he did at any time during our five years together before. I've suspected he's a narcissist. Things don't make sense. It doesn't add up.
That's the part where I desperately need to understand what this all is. Make sense of this. He's now acting distant, cold and saying he could never be with someone who's lied, slept around, did drugs and is married. I get it, but why continue to see me, be intimate with me, and give me any kind of hope? Now that all that "excitement" has died down, he seems to be getting bored, and that's why I feel he's ready to stop seeing me again.
I'm in therapy, desperately trying to work on myself, absolutely afraid of going down that black hole I went through during those three months, but also trying to make sense of my reality, whatever this is. I feel like I'm going crazy. I really need some insight, advice!
