When you can focus on what is important in your everyday life, it has many positive effects on your life - also your love life - it makes you attractive because you become satisfied with yourself - happy because you reach a goal that is important to you - sexy because you use yourself constructively - lively because you are in flow when you focus. Your life energy flows freely.
When you can stay focused, you will rest in yourself. Your self-esteem will grow.
Focus strengthens your secure connection form.
To focus is to do one thing at a time and being fully present with this. It is magical and good tantra training
When you can stay focused then stress can not get the hold of you. Because then you are in power, because you achieve more.
We have a sertant amount of focus energy available every day. Some people have a lot, while others have less.
It can change from day to day. The most common is, that you have more focus energy in the morning.
There are things that burn off your focus energy and other things that build them up.
Things that burn your focus energy off:
- what creates imbalance in your body (illness, lack of sleep, medication, addictions, lack of use of the body) - everything that creates imbalance in your nervous system (shock trauma, stress, overstimulation and grief, anger, abandonment) -everything that creates mental imbalance - ruminating thoughts and worries
Focus requires energy. You only have a certain amount of energy every day, so take good care of it ..
It's like money. If you spend your money on something, you can not spend the same money on something else.
Every time you have to make a choice / take a stand / evaluate something, it costs energy from your focus. E.g. - when reading emails - when you are on social media - when you are done with something and need to move on to the next thing on your to do list - when you are considering a should (eg whether you should eat a piece of chocolate, whether you should go for a walk, or whether you should clean the house) - when you think critical thoughts (whether it is in relation to yourself or others) - when assessing
Write down your 3 biggest "energy swallowers".
Structure helps you save your focus energy because you have to make less decisions.
Prioritize the 3 most important things you want to accomplish during the day, so that you do these first, both in your work life and in your private life. So that you get to do, what really matters to you. Write down the night before which 3 things you want to prioritize the next day
- use the 50/10 rule. You need to work focused 50 minutes and pause for 10 minutes for each hour. Use a timer to take time.
- Practice saying no. Say: I'll just check in my calender, I'll consider it, I'll be back tomorrow with an answer.
- Ask yourself what is important here and not what is urgent. The distinction between "I should be" and "I want to be" - what suits me best, what do I want, and what matches my own values.
Your focus energy sits in the brain. You build it up with 5 elements.
- good and enough night's sleep. You MUST sleep 7-8 hours every night. (Are you hsp you need to sleep more)
- exercise at least 1/2 hour every day (moderate exercise where you can talk but not sing). If you exercise harder, your body produces stress hormones. It can be walking, rowing, light running, horseback riding, bicycling, swimming, dancing, roller skating, ect.
- mental relaxation. The brain needs to cleanse itself during the day. It does so when in alpha wave level. It will do this by itself when you give it the opportunity, but not if you are stressed. Look out the window, be in nature, use the body, be with certain animals, be with people who are able to be precent with you, meditate, cultivate mindfullness, have sex or anything else where you stop thinking. For some people, it helps to write down the thoughts and then meditate.
Describe what you see and sense in the room that you are in, (there is a white table, 4 chairs, a bird is singing, the sky is blue, a car is driving on the road, there is a perfume smell from a colleague) Do it right now and notice the effect.
- good nutrition. Use your common sense and listen to what your body needs. Eat with attention and use all your senses. Turn off your TV, computer, smartphones, radio ect. Do not read books, newspapers ect. while eating. Be present when you put something in your mouth. Use sensory experiences of joy.
- Physical touch, which creates oxytocin and serotonin and reduces the amount of stress hormones in your body.
The feminine: The feminine can't really multi task, but the feminine can shift quickly between different kind of tasks ect. It can also be a good idea for the feminine to take some transition time after work and to do something where the feminine gets down in the body.
Ex:: - to get out of their head and get down into the body on a daily basis. - to connect with their body and to their emotions
Do you as a woman remember to stop, feel your body and your heart on a daily basis ?
Most women want to do well in their lives, Being a good friend, being a good daughter, beeing a good co worker, being a good mother, being a good partner ect...
But what could you do to recharge your batteries every day for at least 20 minutes? jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37590/
The masculine: The masculine needs transition time. The masculine needs to go into their "nothing box" and need longer transition time after work ect.(5-30 min. doing "nothing"). The masculine shifts slowly and the feminine shifts fast. Transition time: meditate, playing computer games, fishing, getting transition time on the way home from work (bus, 🚆 train), shifting TV channels ect.
Women typically release stress by talking. They can tell in detail about the day and the problems. Men often experience being drained of energy by listening to this. He would rather give good advice and solve the situation - she just wants to be listen to.
Tip: You can agree that the woman has 10 minutes (if possible, set an alarm) and the man just has to listen, ask and make affirmative remarks ("That sounds like a hassle to you", "I understand that you are mad over ”etc) and possibly put an arm around her.
WE STRESS DIFFERENTLY
One of the classic examples is that a woman needs to talk a lot, be listened to and be allowed to talk about her hard day without the man disturbing her with practical suggestions on how she can solve the various issues. If she is given space to talk and be listened to, her oxytocin increases, which helps to reduce cortisol (the stress hormone). You probably know yourself the feeling of how wonderful it is to sit and talk to your girlfriends for hours, because this is where your oxytocin and estrogens rise, and thus your stress hormones are lowered. (As a man give your woman 10 min each day to just talk)
However, this is not how it works for men. Men reduce stress by doing something that causes his testosterone to rise, which is why the typical "cave time" such as watching football, playing playstation, running, having sex, drinking beer with friends, going on guys trips, watching a sport match on a stadium etc. can cause his testosterone to increase and decrease his level of stress hormones.
Life stresses and events such as traumatic accidents, injuries, etc. can be harmful to your body and, at times, so severe that shutdown mode can occur within seconds.
For example, a massive accident can put your nervous system into shock almost immediately just as a major assault to your personal safety can also shut you down to the point of not being able to move or defend yourself.
There are also some stressors that affect your nervous system slowly and over time. These stressors leave your system running in the ON position ever so slightly. Not so much that massive, physiological consequences occur but enough that your body, over time, will feel the effects of this state.
For example, studying for exams for lengthy periods of time can be incredibly stressful and can keep you in a state of low level adrenaline that is needed to get the studying done.
A breakup from a loved one can create a constant state of stress until the initial grieving period has lessened.
Similarly, an unfavourable circumstance, such as living in a home environment with unsupportive people, which happens for many children as they are growing up, can place constant duress on the nervous system’s stress responses so the system always feels a bit taxed.
If we go back to the air and water analogy, your nervous system is similar to the air and water.
Air and water are both essential and you can survive with the quality of both being less than optimal for quite some time. The same goes for your nervous system. Your nervous system can be slightly off and not 100% regulated before you notice the ill side effects.
Your body can handle some water or air pollutants from time to time and, if you have a healthy body system that can detox and excrete the pollutants, you’ll do OK. However, if you have a weakened detox system (our kidneys, liver, digestive system etc.), those pollutants might not completely exit from your body. If this happens, the air, water and what is inside of it can harm you.
The same happens with the nervous system.
Some people can have a pretty big life stressor occur (a car accident, for example), and they bounce back really fast, whereas another person who is in the same car accident might not bounce back as quickly. The reason for the difference in the healing response, if all things are equal in terms of their post-accident rehab etc., isn’t so much the stressor — the car accident in this case — it is how healthy the nervous system was before the accident and how much stress was already sitting inside the nervous system.
- how full was their “stress cup” prior to the stressor? Was it fairly empty or was it overflowing with stressors that hadn’t been resolved and taken care of?
The amount of stored traumatic stress already in the system will dictate how successful the healing is, and how quickly the system and the body will get back to harmony and good balance. Suffice to say, we want the nervous system to be as healthy and as resilient as possible so it can bounce back when future stressors and adverse events occur.
Tips on how to prevent jealousy, infedelety, affairs ect. in your relationship:
If we are stressed, then we become less tolerant of our partner. When we are constantly in stress, we are up in our head, and then we may not feel our desire for our partner.
Can you say yes to just one of the following:
You have unresolved conflicts in the relationship. You are annoyed, angry ect with your partner or vice versa You or your partner are stressed You or your partner have a secret "dream" in everyday live about an "adventure" You or your partner do not feel valued or loved
Then the traffic light is yellow and it is time to stop before you or your partner run the risk of driving into redzone and doing a lot of harm - emotionally - to your relationship.
10 tips on what you and your partner can do to avoid jealousy, affairs, ect :
Take time for each other. Prioritise couple time, where it's about the two of you without practical chores and child logistics
Repair your relationship if one of you have Hurt your psrtner. Say sorry or accept the apology, respectively. And find out how you can better handle the situation for both of you in the future
Clarify your love language. That is, what makes each of you feel loved and appreciated. We typically give what we ourselves want. As with Christmas presents, it is rarely what the other wants and needs - or what makes the other feel loved
Ensure closeness and familiarity with each other. Look each other in the eyes, as when you were in the honeymoon pfase - with curiosity, openness and enthusiasm. Listen to each other in the same way. Be each other's best friends
Spend time on hugs, touch and kisses also without sex, hold hands - it stimulates the release of oxytocin, our attachment hormone
Also prioritize sex, play. This also releases oxytocin.
Surprises and changes benefit most conditions, as long as they are positive. What could you do differently and better in relation to each other
Notice how you feel and ask for what you want from the other. Your partner is not and should not be a mind reader!
If necessary, seek professional help. Visit a couples therapist.Take one or two sessions and agree that it can be a present for your couple relationship