Post by anne12 on Jun 10, 2021 9:24:55 GMT
Focus is tantra training for your lovelife
When you can focus on what is important in your everyday life, it has many positive effects on your life - also your love life
- it makes you attractive because you become satisfied with yourself
- happy because you reach a goal that is important to you
- sexy because you use yourself constructively
- lively because you are in flow when you focus. Your life energy flows freely.
When you can stay focused, you will rest in yourself. Your self-esteem will grow.
Focus strengthens your secure connection form.
To focus is to do one thing at a time and being fully present with this. It is magical and good tantra training
When you can stay focused then stress can not get the hold of you. Because then you are in power, because you achieve more.
We have a sertant amount of focus energy available every day. Some people have a lot, while others have less.
It can change from day to day. The most common is, that you have more focus energy in the morning.
There are things that burn off your focus energy and other things that build them up.
Things that burn your focus energy off:
- what creates imbalance in your body (illness, lack of sleep, medication, addictions, lack of use of the body)
- everything that creates imbalance in your nervous system (shock trauma, stress, overstimulation and grief, anger, abandonment)
-everything that creates mental imbalance - ruminating thoughts and worries
Post by anne12 on Jun 10, 2021 10:06:19 GMT
Focus requires energy. You only have a certain amount of energy every day, so take good care of it ..
It's like money. If you spend your money on something, you can not spend the same money on something else.
Every time you have to make a choice / take a stand / evaluate something, it costs energy from your focus.
- when reading emails
- when you are on social media
- when you are done with something and need to move on to the next thing on your to do list
- when you are considering a should (eg whether you should eat a piece of chocolate, whether you should go for a walk, or whether you should clean the house)
- when you think critical thoughts (whether it is in relation to yourself or others)
- when assessing
Write down your 3 biggest "energy swallowers".
Structure helps you save your focus energy because you have to make less decisions.
Prioritize the 3 most important things you want to accomplish during the day, so that you do these first, both in your work life and in your private life. So that you get to do, what really matters to you. Write down the night before which 3 things you want to prioritize the next day
- use the 50/10 rule. You need to work focused 50 minutes and pause for 10 minutes for each hour. Use a timer to take time.
- Practice saying no. Say: I'll just check in my calender, I'll consider it, I'll be back tomorrow with an answer.
- Ask yourself what is important here and not what is urgent. The distinction between "I should be" and "I want to be" - what suits me best, what do I want, and what matches my own values.
How to stay focused:m.youtube.com/watch?v=WhbYBb0huMs&feature=youtu.be
Post by anne12 on Jun 10, 2021 10:39:26 GMT
Your focus energy sits in the brain. You build it up with 5 elements.
- good and enough night's sleep. You MUST sleep 7-8 hours every night. (Are you hsp you need to sleep more)
- exercise at least 1/2 hour every day (moderate exercise where you can talk but not sing). If you exercise harder, your body produces stress hormones.
It can be walking, rowing, light running, horseback riding, bicycling, swimming, dancing, roller skating, ect.
- mental relaxation. The brain needs to cleanse itself during the day. It does so when in alpha wave level. It will do this by itself when you give it the opportunity, but not if you are stressed. Look out the window, be in nature, use the body, be with certain animals, be with people who are able to be precent with you, meditate, cultivate mindfullness, have sex or anything else where you stop thinking.
For some people, it helps to write down the thoughts and then meditate.
Describe what you see and sense in the room that you are in, (there is a white table, 4 chairs, a bird is singing, the sky is blue, a car is driving on the road, there is a perfume smell from a colleague) Do it right now and notice the effect.
- good nutrition. Use your common sense and listen to what your body needs. Eat with attention and use all your senses. Turn off your TV, computer, smartphones, radio ect. Do not read books, newspapers ect. while eating. Be present when you put something in your mouth. Use sensory experiences of joy.
- Physical touch, which creates oxytocin and serotonin and reduces the amount of stress hormones in your body.
A stress, SE, attachment coach
Post by anne12 on Jun 10, 2021 11:22:40 GMT
The feminine can't really multi task, but the feminine can shift quickly between different kind of tasks ect. It can also be a good idea for the feminine to take some transition time after work and to do something where the feminine gets down in the body.
- to get out of their head and get down into the body on a daily basis.
- to connect with their body and to their emotions
Do you as a woman remember to stop, feel your body and your heart on a daily basis ?
Most women want to do well in their lives, Being a good friend, being a good daughter, beeing a good co worker, being a good mother, being a good partner ect...
But what could you do to recharge your batteries every day for at least 20 minutes?
The masculine needs transition time. The masculine needs to go into their "nothing box" and need longer transition time after work ect.(5-30 min. doing "nothing"). The masculine shifts slowly and the feminine shifts fast.
Transition time: meditate, playing computer games, fishing, getting transition time on the way home from work (bus, 🚆 train), shifting TV channels ect.
The masculine and the nothing box;www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ6mVumHY9I
Post by anne12 on Jun 10, 2021 11:57:11 GMT
Stress Relief - Here it often goes wrong.
Women typically release stress by talking. They can tell in detail about the day and the problems. Men often experience being drained of energy by listening to this. He would rather give good advice and solve the situation - she just wants to be listen to.
Tip: You can agree that the woman has 10 minutes (if possible, set an alarm) and the man just has to listen, ask and make affirmative remarks ("That sounds like a hassle to you", "I understand that you are mad over ”etc) and possibly put an arm around her.
WE STRESS DIFFERENTLY
One of the classic examples is that a woman needs to talk a lot, be listened to and be allowed to talk about her hard day without the man disturbing her with practical suggestions on how she can solve the various issues. If she is given space to talk and be listened to, her oxytocin increases, which helps to reduce cortisol (the stress hormone). You probably know yourself the feeling of how wonderful it is to sit and talk to your girlfriends for hours, because this is where your oxytocin and estrogens rise, and thus your stress hormones are lowered. (As a man give your woman 10 min each day to just talk)
However, this is not how it works for men. Men reduce stress by doing something that causes his testosterone to rise, which is why the typical "cave time" such as watching football, playing playstation, running, having sex, drinking beer with friends, going on guys trips, watching a sport match on a stadium etc. can cause his testosterone to increase and decrease his level of stress hormones.
Post by anne12 on Jun 19, 2021 5:09:51 GMT
Life stresses and events such as traumatic accidents, injuries, etc. can be harmful to your body and, at times, so severe that shutdown mode can occur within seconds.
For example, a massive accident can put your nervous system into shock almost immediately just as a major assault to your personal safety can also shut you down to the point of not being able to move or defend yourself.
There are also some stressors that affect your nervous system slowly and over time. These stressors leave your system running in the ON position ever so slightly. Not so much that massive, physiological consequences occur but enough that your body, over time, will feel the effects of this state.
For example, studying for exams for lengthy periods of time can be incredibly stressful and can keep you in a state of low level adrenaline that is needed to get the studying done.
A breakup from a loved one can create a constant state of stress until the initial grieving period has lessened.
Similarly, an unfavourable circumstance, such as living in a home environment with unsupportive people, which happens for many children as they are growing up, can place constant duress on the nervous system’s stress responses so the system always feels a bit taxed.
If we go back to the air and water analogy, your nervous system is similar to the air and water.
Air and water are both essential and you can survive with the quality of both being less than optimal for quite some time. The same goes for your nervous system. Your nervous system can be slightly off and not 100% regulated before you notice the ill side effects.
Your body can handle some water or air pollutants from time to time and, if you have a healthy body system that can detox and excrete the pollutants, you’ll do OK. However, if you have a weakened detox system (our kidneys, liver, digestive system etc.), those pollutants might not completely exit from your body. If this happens, the air, water and what is inside of it can harm you.
The same happens with the nervous system.
Some people can have a pretty big life stressor occur (a car accident, for example), and they bounce back really fast, whereas another person who is in the same car accident might not bounce back as quickly. The reason for the difference in the healing response, if all things are equal in terms of their post-accident rehab etc., isn’t so much the stressor — the car accident in this case — it is how healthy the nervous system was before the accident and how much stress was already sitting inside the nervous system.
- how full was their “stress cup” prior to the stressor? Was it fairly empty or was it overflowing with stressors that hadn’t been resolved and taken care of?
The amount of stored traumatic stress already in the system will dictate how successful the healing is, and how quickly the system and the body will get back to harmony and good balance. Suffice to say, we want the nervous system to be as healthy and as resilient as possible so it can bounce back when future stressors and adverse events occur.
Post by anne12 on Jun 19, 2021 5:36:48 GMT
Tips on how to prevent jealousy, infedelety, affairs ect. in your relationship:
If we are stressed, then we become less tolerant of our partner. When we are constantly in stress, we are up in our head, and then we may not feel our desire for our partner.
Can you say yes to just one of the following:
You have unresolved conflicts in the relationship.
You are annoyed, angry ect with your partner or vice versa
You or your partner are stressed
You or your partner have a secret "dream" in everyday live about an "adventure"
You or your partner do not feel valued or loved
Then the traffic light is yellow and it is time to stop before you or your partner run the risk of driving into redzone and doing a lot of harm - emotionally - to your relationship.
10 tips on what you and your partner can do to avoid jealousy, affairs, ect :
Take time for each other. Prioritise couple time, where it's about the two of you without practical chores and child logistics
Repair your relationship if one of you have Hurt your psrtner. Say sorry or accept the apology, respectively. And find out how you can better handle the situation for both of you in the future
Clarify your love language. That is, what makes each of you feel loved and appreciated. We typically give what we ourselves want. As with Christmas presents, it is rarely what the other wants and needs - or what makes the other feel loved
Ensure closeness and familiarity with each other. Look each other in the eyes, as when you were in the honeymoon pfase - with curiosity, openness and enthusiasm. Listen to each other in the same way. Be each other's best friends
Spend time on hugs, touch and kisses also without sex, hold hands - it stimulates the release of oxytocin, our attachment hormone
Also prioritize sex, play. This also releases oxytocin.
Surprises and changes benefit most conditions, as long as they are positive. What could you do differently and better in relation to each other
Notice how you feel and ask for what you want from the other. Your partner is not and should not be a mind reader!
If necessary, seek professional help. Visit a couples therapist.Take one or two sessions and agree that it can be a present for your couple relationship
An attatchment, love, stress coach
Post by anne12 on Sept 6, 2021 4:52:48 GMT
One of the most important factors in maintaining a good relationship and avoiding relapse once you have worked constructively with it - is that you have a handle on external stress.
The research clearly states, i.a. in Neil Jacobsen's study of a 2-year follow-up of couples in therapy, that what made the biggest difference for the couples subsequently was how they handled external stressors.
Of all the factors that were examined in relation to relapse into a "worse relationship" - that is, as it was before you started working on your relationship - then there was only one factor that really mattered.
And it was joint stress management! ⠀
This was the factor that helped the couples maintain the positive changes they had created in the work of their relationship, and it was the factor that helped them make new progress. ⠀ ⠀
Therefore, of course, I recommend that you have what is called a "Stress-reducing conversation" as often as possible. ⠀
It's not about worrying together and making the situation significantly worse ⠀
No. ⠀It is about doing it in a safe and structured way 1 to 2 times a week for 30 minutes during the stressful periods: ⠀
Which means that:
► The partner who is stressed is allowed to release some of the steam
► Meet understanding, care and love
► Gets support and feels presence ⠀
► Can be allowed to "talk yourself warm", so that you may reach the core of the problem all by yourself
► Meet understanding, care and love (Yes, I wrote it again)
As a partner, do not start solving problems or giving advice unless your partner has specifically asked for help or expressed that NOW you are welcome to give advice. ⠀
The best thing you can do is to listen and try to understand your partner's feelings, experiences and thoughts ⠀
Post by anne12 on Sept 6, 2021 6:34:05 GMT
If both parties are stressed in a relationship and they do not have time/do not take time to talk and enjoy each other, but are grumpy, lashes out because of being stressed out ect., what can the couple do ?
Then you can put the relationship on pause.
Even if you live together, you can put the relationship on pause.
A relationship requires to be nurtured or there will be missing one or more legs in the relationship (Sternberg's love triangle theory)
Short term stress for 1-2 months without good communication, sex ect. can be okay - but not in the long run.
Take good Care of your relationship
An attatchment, SE, love, stresscoach, couples therapist
Post by anne12 on Sept 7, 2021 12:19:17 GMT
Who do you become when you are stressed ?
1 Hyperactive Helle
Helle is always on the go and is good at making things happen.
Work and private: She is a star when it comes to planning, organizing and performing almost any conceivable task. She never gets bored, and that also means that even though Helle is on sick leave with stress, she is constantly active. If not on the outer, then on the inner of thinking and worrying.
Where Helle falls short is when she just has to be. When not to be done but to be. It's unbelievably difficult for Helle (although of course she has read all about mindfulness and the research behind it and has various apps). She unconsciously uses constant activity to get away from being. If she relaxes, it is usually 2 minutes max
Helles first step out of stress Helle can use her drive to learn to just be. She simply has to learn to let go. Do absolutely nothing - not even think.
And it's best for Helle to gradually slow down. Otherwise the jump will be too big. For example,
walk instead of running.
Make cozy and relaxing things instead of work.
Do things slowly.
When the restlessness and urge to do a whole lot shows up (and it does), then Helle must examine what drives the constant activity. It will typically be fear or another emotion. Or simply that she has a habit of driving in a constantly high gear.
Once she sees the underlying cause, she will gradually be able to let go more and more and let the nervous system find peace. Helle will experience it as nothing short of revolutionary when she lets go and falls into just being for hours, days or even weeks. It is like balm for the soul and will give her a much needed rest.
2 Self-critical Sidsel
Sidsel is good at many things, but she does not think so herself. If she's the second best, it's just not good enough. And if she is the very best, then she feels that people will probably soon see through her. Sidsel is not necessarily aware of how tough she is on herself. She sees towering demands on herself as a perfectly reasonable standard. Sidsel is the ultimate “faultfinder” - not least when it comes to herself. It's not particularly fun to get as harsh criticism as Sidsel constantly gets from herself. It is exhausting and destructive to say the least, nor can she accept words of praise from others. They just lack critical sense, if you ask Sidsel.
Sidsel's first step out of stress
Sidsel can use her critical sense to see that the inner critic is not speaking the truth. When she opens her eyes to how she treats herself, it becomes easier to start changing the inner dialogue. Sidsel must decide fully and firmly to start backing himself up. Just like she would with a good friend or her own children. Sidsel must start practicing deep self-care in word and actions
She can do this by putting self-criticism aside and instead putting her hand on her heart and asking herself: "What do you need today?".
It can be a day off, a bouquet of flowers,
kind words in the mirror
good healthy food.
Sidsel will often cry many tears of relief and of joy when she gets a loving connection to herself - everything becomes easier and more fun.
3 Pleasing Petra
Petra is a master at adapting and she just wants to do what is expected of her. In fact, it is vital for her - more important than her own well-being. It is simply so shameful and anxiety-provoking for Petra not to live up to expectations, and that is why she works until she retires and / or is reported sick with severe stress.
The problem with Petras tendency to be overwhelmed by everyone else's needs and expectations is that she has a hard time noticing what she really wants with her life. She risks … her own body and what is most important to her. She risks skating around on the surface for many years and spending time and energy satisfying the needs of others or the expectations of society in general.
Petras first step out of stress
Petra must start sorting out what is someone else's or her own expectations, she basically does not want to live her life according to. As she jumps around to comply without just stopping and considering the situation. And then she has to figure out what's really important to her. It is not something she can think of, but in the first place something she must learn to feel.
Instead of constantly pointing to the expectations of others, Petra needs to start tuning in to her own body. The way forward is yoga, body-based meditation and everything that centers Petra in her own body and energy. Petra will often experience it as waking up from a deep sleep when she can feel herself and begin to live her own life instead of others. A bit like being in love with her own life.
4 Helpless Hannah
Helpless Hannah feels that she is not in control of the circumstances to which she is subject. Therefore, she also does not think there is any way out of stress. She once tried to meditate and it did not work in the long run. Now she thinks she might as well drop trying to get better. Moreover, she also does not have enough self-discipline or enough energy to do something new. Maybe she's just doomed to feel this way for the rest of her life. Hannah may not have knowledge of the methods that can help her or how to create new habits.
But more often than not, her helplessness is due to the fact that she has had to deal with very big and difficult things. Trauma or prolonged strain that has been overwhelming and exhausting. She has felt alone and unable to cope with the challenges she faced.
Hannahs first step out of stress
Hannahs first step is to acknowledge what she has been through and that it is natural to end up in helplessness for a period of time. But that it no longer serves her.
Then she must start connecting with the power of action. She must realize and experience that how she feels inside is not solely determined by the circumstances - and that anxiety, stress, depression or any other inner challenge can be overcome. She does this by performing small but important actions here and now that give her an experience of being able to cope with challenges. It could be cleaning up her House, having an important conversation or doing something she's afraid of. Hannah can sometimes be surprised by the sudden calm and strength she feels. That's because her power has been there all along - she just forgot to use it.
5 Fearful Frida
Frida is driven by an underlying fear of something that might happen in the future.
It may be other people's reaction to what she says or does. It can be fear of illness or financial ruin. Yes, there is virtually no small or big thing that Frida can not worry about. Panic or at least constant worry is her default setting, and Google is her personal assistant when it comes to tuen up a mood.
Frida has - regardless of the external circumstances - gigantic amounts of stress on the inside. She knows it well, but she can not stop it. Her body is in constant alert, and she can barely remember when she last relaxed completely into the soul. Frida is generally out of touch with her own inner peace and deeper wisdom because her fears takes up so much space.
Frida's first step out of stress
Frida needs to anchor her attention firmly in the here and now. A great deal of her stress and anxiety comes from the mind. Disaster thoughts, however, have a very large momentum, so therefore a serious counterweight is needed to free her from them.
Frida has to decide when she chooses which thoughts she wants to believe.
She needs to do things that give her grounding. Practical and relaxing activities that require her focus can be good for a start if yoga and meditation do not work. Time in nature and especially trees can help her make root and stand firm and let go of catastrophic thoughts.
Frida will experience it a bit as if she suddenly becomes quiet after a violent storm when she gets mental and physical peace. Spontaneous joy and inspiration and a presence that is stronger than fearful thoughts will show
6 Angry Amanda
Anger Amanda is just angry.
Or that is to say - she knows very well that she needs to get over the anger and that she can not put all the blame on others. But she is hijacked by anger and is engulfed in negativity.
She complains, criticizes people around her (especially those closest to her) and looks at life in a black light. It's not how she wants to be, but she gets hijacked by anger and rage over and over again. And afterwards guilt and huge self-blame.
Amanda is stuck in a vicious circle. She's angry because she's really stressed and maybe upset. And when she gets angry at others, it creates even more stress and problems in relationships. It's a bit like sawing the branch she's sitting on. Anger can be a constructive feeling, but for Amands it has become destructive.
Amandas first step out of stress
Amanda needs to stop the self-blame. The first one she has to stop being angry at is herself. It is difficult and requires forgiveness inwardly.
She must start practicing real self-care. It includes learning to feel anger without being hijacked by it. So she can be with it long enough to feel what it's really about. So she can do something constructive. Maybe she needs a hug, set a limit or maybe just get calm.
So which of the above types of stress are particularly relevant to you?
There are of course many other types of stress eg: Unhappy Ulla, Ignorant Ina and Self-destructive Sonja. We all have a touch of several of them, but my experience as a stress coach is that the above 6 types fit 90% of my clients.
A stress coach, clinical psycologist
Post by anne12 on Sept 13, 2021 10:27:57 GMT
When your body says no vs. when your mind says no
“As a stress coach I meet a lot of people with both stress, anxiety and depression, and it can be confusing to figure out what to do if you are suffering from stress. On the one hand, one must be careful not to challenge oneself too much, but on the other hand, one also feels fear or anxiety, and sometimes one needs to do something in spite of resistance. Or you notice signs of depression that may call for something completely different.
Forget about diagnoses and focus on the here and now and you will always be able to feel what you need at the moment.
And how do you feel it?
I would recommend that you listen to your body's immediate reaction when you are considering doing something. If your body immediately says yes - if you immediately feel like it, then there is probably a green light. As a rule, we can clearly feel what we can and want immediately - if we listen and feel.
We tend to get confused because after a few seconds or even milliseconds the mind starts to dish up fear-based thoughts and reasons why we can not or will not. Or that we should, even though we may feel that we do not feel like or can overcome it.
If your body immediately says no because you are tired or can just feel that it is not the right thing to do, then there is probably a red light. Often we have ideas about what we can, should, will and and we forget to listen to the body, which always knows best.
So the basic principle is to feel: is it my body, or is it my mind that says no?
If it's your body that says no, stop. If it's your mind that says no, then consider whether it can be ignored.
But what if I can not feel what my body is saying?
Many clients tell me they can not feel what their body is saying. Therefore, body awareness and a good relationship with the body are also some of the first things we work purposefully with in my stress course. There is often a need for us to learn to feel what the body is actually trying to tell us.
That being said, I have had countless clients and participants on my courses who have definitely felt that they had no idea what to do or what the body was saying. And when we take a closer look at it, it turns out that it's because they are not listening.
Because the clear response they get from the body does not harmonize with the ideas, beliefs and plans they have. So just consider whether you can really feel what your body is saying, but whether it is just you who finds it difficult to trust the answers that the body gives you.
What if my body always says no?
Another thing that can be important to notice is whether your body is always saying no. If it does, then you may need to stop altogether. And that there is a good reason why your body says no to many things. But there may be other reasons as well. Maybe you have an instinctive fear reaction to many things that you know you really want.
This can be trauma or anxiety that lives in your nervous system, and which causes your emergency rute to start as a standard response to virtually all challenges and experiences. In that case, you still need to listen to your body, but you need to spend time with the fear and the "stop signal" to see if it might be good to challenge yourself despite bodily reactions.
In case of severe stress, the body's signals must be interpreted as a stop signal and in case of anxiety or trauma it is important not to always let them control your actions.
What if my body always says yes?
You may also be in the situation that your body always says yes. But listen - for in many cases it will be your mind that runs away with you and a question that you ignore a warning sign from your body that actually says no. But in some cases, the body wants things that are not good for you. For example, we may have a physical urge for something that is not good for us in the long run, but which feels nice here and now. It could, for example, be wine or chocolate in excessive quantities. Or work, which surprisingly many people depend on and use as an escape from other things they need more to deal with - for example that they are exhausted and do not thrive. It could also be that you are the type who just thinks a lot of things are exciting. And that your body instinctively says yes to too much. Then you may have to get used to giving yourself some time before you jump in. So you can feel properly - because maybe you need to be a little with your immediate enthusiasm and desire, which in some cases may turn out to cover unrest or something else that is important to get in touch with.
If your body says no, stop
Here I feel like repeating what I have already said. But with extra focus on when the body says stop. Because my experience is that it can be hard to stop because we are usually hijacked by thoughts all day long and do not really get the signal long enough to hear what the body is saying.
If you feel overwhelmed and your body says no in a way so that you can clearly feel that this is your body and your whole system saying stop. Then stop. Take a break. Breathe.
Stress can have serious consequences and it can always pay to stop. Feel what your body is trying to tell you. Try to distinguish between thoughts in your head and what you feel in your stomach, chest or where you feel yourself best.
It can, of course, be an initial fear that you may feel you have to work your way through. Or it may be fatigue that you may well ignore.
But first stop. And listen. If it's a stop signal, stop. Stop it. Take it at a slower pace. Make fewer demands on yourself, get help. Allow yourself to do it reasonably and not perfectly. Take care of yourself.
When your mind says stop, consider whether to continue
If it's your mind that says no in return, consider continuing. All kinds of resistance can appear in your mind, which is not a sign that you need to stop. On the contrary, it may be very important that you ignore your thoughts. It may come as a surprise to you that just because you have a thought, you do not have to believe it or act on it. We automatically believe that what we are thinking is an expression of the truth, but it is just thoughts.
They can run in many different directions and do not always have to be listened to.
Spirals of anxiety and depression can occur when we give our thoughts too much attention. We do not have to be harsh with ourselves or ignore ourselves, but it pays to just check the thoughts you let control your actions, one more time after in the seams. Here are thoughts that can often be ignored:
I still can not figure it out
It is no use
It seems like an illogical thing to do,
I better be sensible
What will others think
I can 't stand it today
Maybe it's not that important.
If it's your mind trying to stop you with those kinds of thoughts, consider continuing. Simply ignore them. I can tell you that some of the best things that have happened in my life have happened because I have ignored certain thoughts about what I could and could not. What others would think of me and many other thoughts that had nothing at all to do with what would be good for me to do. And that was all for now. To summarize ultra maps: If your body says no, stop. If your mind says no, consider continue”
A strees coach, psycologist
Post by anne12 on Sept 13, 2021 11:29:13 GMT
Do you have trouble sleeping ?
1: Get a sleep divorce
This means in all its simplicity that one begins to sleep alone and not with his/her partner.
I undoubtedly sleep best alone - without a husband and children and the bed. And I'm obviously not the only one.
Reasons to seek sleep divorce can be many.
Small children coming in at night
A partner who snores
That you and your partner's circadian rhythm and bedtimes are different
That you simply sleep best alone
So consider getting a sleep divorce if you have sleep problems and if you think sleeping alone can help. It has nothing to do with relationship problems. On the contrary. I love sleeping with my husband and we often do too. But on a daily basis, I sleep best alone. It in no way goes beyond intimacy and it helps incredibly much on my sleep quality. Nor does it make you an inferior mother. On the contrary, a well-rested mother is what your children need. And if they can only use you at night (and are no longer babies), then it's probably time to give that task to Dad anyway.
2: Sleep restriction - sleep less to sleep more
It may seem paradoxical, but sleeping less for a period of time can make your sleep much better in the long run. Sleep restriction can look like this in many ways, but a good place to start is to limit your time in bed to the time you actually sleep.
That is, if you:
* have trouble falling asleep and have not fallen asleep after a maximum of a quarter of an hour, so get up again and do something that is not too invigorating (read, something practical, listen to music, do gentle yoga), and go to bed again when you feel sleepy
*wakes up during the night and is awake for more than 15 minutes, then get up and do as described above
*wakes up early in the morning and can not fall asleep again, so get up
*have trouble sleeping at night, so do not take a nap in the middle of the day.
Sleep restriction can be difficult if you are already very tired. It can be difficult to stay awake during the day, and if you get very little sleep for a period of time due to sleep restriction, you may need to adjust your daily activity level. In turn, it often improves your ability to fall asleep and your overall sleep quality and amount in a short amount of time.
However, I do not necessarily recommend sleep restriction for people with severe stress, as it must at least be adjusted, and in some cases it may be a good idea to take a nap in the middle of the day.
3: Do you suffer from social jet lag?
Stay in the same time zone.
It covers the phenomenon that some of us have one circadian rhythm in everyday life and then a completely different one in the weekends, where we may be up for a long time for a party and then in turn sleep for a very long time to catch up.
If you have difficulty sleeping, it is a good idea to set a fixed circadian rhythm. You are equipped with an internal biological clock, which works best if you keep fairly regular bedtimes and get up at the same time every day. Therefore - avoid social jet lag, and keep the same circadian rhythm both on weekdays, on weekends and during holidays. I myself feel best about going to bed early and getting up early, and in my private life I totally invite to social things that allow me to still get to bed on time, and the same goes for my kids. This is of course a dilemma, because there are also many things in the festive layer that take place late. I also go out late sometimes, but that's rare. I have partyed incredibly much as a younger person but have probably come to the point that, as a general rule, I appreciate a good night's sleep more than concerts, late parties and other things.
4: Accept that you can not sleep
This advice is one that I myself have taken to heart and that almost always works. If I can not fall asleep or wake up at night and can not fall asleep, then I am simply trying to accept the fact that I can not sleep. That means I do not fight back and get frustrated that my kids or husband have woken me up. I tend to focus on my stomach breathing and think about good and constructive things (because my mind like many others tends to dish up the latest worries if I just let my mind flow). And I say to myself; “It is possible I can not sleep. That's just the way it is ”. Many people with insomnia develop stress and anxiety associated with sleep and sleep situation, which is understandable. Accepting and allowing insomnia is difficult but necessary to break the vicious circle. Let it be ok that you may not be able to sleep right now. And resist the urge to force yourself to fall asleep. Acceptance is the key to better sleep in the long run because it removes tension and stress when you can not sleep or during the day when you worry about not being able to sleep. Trust that sooner or later you will sleep well, and in the meantime, fully accept that you can not sleep