|
|
Post by Hypatia on Jan 3, 2022 1:36:19 GMT
The holidays really set me back. I’m depressed and really struggling. I’m struggling because I don’t know if this is “normal” after a breakup...to still be so sad after 3 months. We were together in a serious relationship, and we lived together, for almost a year. He up and left and was quite malicious about it. I’m still so sad. I still think about him every day (more in sadness and anger than a desire to get back together). I’m working on myself and I’ve made progress, but I thought by 3 months I’d be in a much better place. Maybe it’s the holidays? Is this normal?? When does this pain fade away??? I haven’t been the dumpee since high school, and I’ve never been through such a nasty breakup before. When will it stop hurting?  |
|
|
|
Post by alexandra on Jan 3, 2022 2:22:22 GMT
It is normal with insecure attachment and normal when recovering from toxic and/or abusive relationships. There is no timeline because insecurely attached get stuck in emotional processing (think about it as getting through all the steps of grief into acceptance... you don't get through them all linearly or at the same speed, but you still need to get through them all... denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, it's the same deal). Don't put pressure on yourself about normal or not, since you're already going to therapy and dealing with it best you can. You'll go at the speed you go, be kind and compassionate towards yourself.
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Jan 3, 2022 3:49:01 GMT
The holidays really set me back. I’m depressed and really struggling. I’m struggling because I don’t know if this is “normal” after a breakup...to still be so sad after 3 months. We were together in a serious relationship, and we lived together, for almost a year. He up and left and was quite malicious about it. I’m still so sad. I still think about him every day (more in sadness and anger than a desire to get back together). I’m working on myself and I’ve made progress, but I thought by 3 months I’d be in a much better place. Maybe it’s the holidays? Is this normal?? When does this pain fade away??? I haven’t been the dumpee since high school, and I’ve never been through such a nasty breakup before. When will it stop hurting? I just want to add that time and distance really do help…so if you have any connections to him that you have left open…it would be good to close those down for now. I used to think that being friends B was useful….but it really prolonged things. Do you journal? I know that journalling through pain can sometimes feel like it is indulging in feelings you do not want to explore….but getting those feelings out on paper can reduce the amount of time that a thought is in your head. I also encourage treating yourself well during this time….do something for yourself that you would normally reserve for when you have experienced a success…..because treating yourself with kindness is important. I do wish you well. |
|
|
|
Post by Hypatia on Jan 3, 2022 4:05:33 GMT
Thanks.
I do journal, as part of therapy. I have no connections to him at all, and have been NC since mid-October.
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Jan 3, 2022 4:29:12 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Jan 3, 2022 6:04:54 GMT
You recently had a break up and it’s the Holliday season, which can be tuff for many people jebkinnisonforum.com/post/44777/Your heart has been sourounded by love for a certain period of time. It has therefore been open to some extent. Maybe very open ? Theres also the withdrawel of all the love chemicals that can affect you. That’s normal. It takes around two years to get over a fairly good relationship. www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_how_to_fix_a_broken_heart?language=da#t-17831You can regulate your nervous system with different somatic regulating tools, titration, pendulation etc. so that you don’t “drown” in all your feelings, which aps / fas leaning anxious can have a tendency to do. Are you allowing yourself to be sad and angry etc. ? I use this tool myself: (when you are using right now, you are telling yourself that it is not going to last forever). You can allow the sadness to be there RIGHT now..l Say to the sadness that okay sadness you are allowed to be here right now. If there is anger you can say to the anger, okay anger right now you are allowed be here now that you are here If there is resistance, you can say to the resistance okay resistance you are also allowed to be here….etc. Your breakup grief and anger can also trigger old grief from when you experienced your first grief as a child or other periods in your life where you got stuck as a child - the second inner child is about the separation/detachment from your mother….etc. (there’s an inner child healing thread) And it can trigger old grief in the body - jebkinnisonforum.com/post/34992/Aps/fa leaning anxious seems to have the hardest time with a break up in the beginning Did you read the healing your broken heart thread and the death, grief, loss thread ? |
|
