Post by georoar on Feb 3, 2022 10:15:18 GMT
Hello everyone, I would like to share my story in hope that I will get some help and feedback from more experienced people with FA/DA men...
To provide some context, I did not knew anything about attachement styles and I did so many mistakes that I have noticed were already mentioned in these posts. I concluded that he has Avoidant Attachement style and I have more of a Anxious Attachement style.
So, I met a man like a month ago through a dating app. From my side I do consider it was love at first sight, he was so amazing and I was so into him that I have already showed him that through my behavior (mistake 1). The date went great, I noticed that we have some things in common, he was not really so talkative, but clearly he knew when and what to say to entertain me and I considered that is how he is, not all people are talkative and that is ok. I considered I should break the ice and let him know more about me since he seemed interested and now I noticed that I was talking like 80% of the whole date (mistake 2), but I did that also because he was the one who asked me questions about me, in general.
At the end of our date we were looking into each other eyes, I thanked him for the great time I had, he smiled a few times and and I really felt that he was having a good time with me too and also from both sides it felt so much chemistry between us.
After the date has ended, he made sure that I got back home safely which I found cute from him. I told him through text that I would like this to not end so soon and he told me we will see what future brings us. The next following days we were still chatting and texting, I think this was the honeymoon phase for him while he was constantly checking for myself, what I do, he was interested to know what I do and with who, I did not initiated contact with him at first so much because I did not wanted him to see me as desperate so I let him chase me and he really did because he was texting me first and I replied to his texts. Also, I had another account as a back-up and I addmit that I was spying him from time to time and I noticed that if I was not online from the account we were talking then he was simply not interested to talk with others and just quit. This really made me conclude that he likes me judging from all these aspects.
I told him that he can not tell me that we did not had any chemistry and he approved that we do had. The next days I noticed a little drop in his interest and I started to get anxious and was texting too much without realizing, I told him about personal development stuff, things that I assumed he was interested in, but I did not noticed he was already owerhelmed of me (mistake 3). The conversations started to get more serious as I have already panicked that I lost him and since he was told me he wants to meet me again I somehow reminded him of that and told him that I want to meet again with him (mistake 4) because I might triggered his independency and autonomy. He complained about the stuff he is dealing with, the less time and I told him in a way that he might did not enjoy that if you want to do something, you make time for that (mistake 5). I think he felt scolded by me, but I did not wanted to hurt him.
The next conversations were again me talking without realizing this guy is owerhelmed and it was late and he told me good night and that we will talk again.
and... guess what happened.... I was ghosted. I cried so many days and I started to read more what happened between us because he was gone without any explanation. I found out about avoidant attachement style, but I am still not sure if he is avoidant or dismissive.
I ended up stalking him since he did not shared his social medias with me and I have found out that he presented himself with her middle name and not first, but anyway I have found his social medias as I am good at stalking (lol). My concerns were right, he probably meets with other people because his IG looks he is already following like 20 new persons after I first checked his account ...like seriously... I did not meant anything to you man...
Also, another thing is that I have wrote him on Whatsapp while he was still in the honeymoon phase, but he did not replied or opened my chat at that time and was still using the dating app we were talking then ...(I noticed that after like a week he ghosted me) he has finally read my Whatsapp message, but did not said anything to me as the message was very old. I am thinking he is also stalking me now because he checks his Whatsapp from time to time and quit very quick. I know he has 2 mobile phones because I saw them, maybe he was giving me his 2nd phone number he use for „one night stands” - so cruel.
I know that I did so many mistakes which made him deactivate towards me, I am sorry, I did not knew, but I do not get it at all. Why he has told me that we will talk to each other again (if his real intentions were not), why he has told me that he wants to find some time to meet again soon (if his real intentions were not), why he has still talked to me like 2 more weeks after our first date (if his real intentions were not seeing me ever ever again).
I feel so used and sad I think he never saw me attractive or wanted anything with me than a date which really affected my mental health. He left me without any explanation though I was told him to be respectful towards me and tell me if he does not want anything with me so I can move on because I would be fine with that if he has told me as I am having abandonment issues and it would help me to heal faster than if he would ghost me. He also told me to do the same with him.
What do you think guys has happened between us? He was not interested in me at all? I learn now more about no contact rules. I never texted him after he ghosted me (Even though I have noticed he checked my message which I sent on his Whatsapp a week ago). I would like to re-attract him and be less clingy as I have learnt from my mistakes.
To provide some context, I did not knew anything about attachement styles and I did so many mistakes that I have noticed were already mentioned in these posts. I concluded that he has Avoidant Attachement style and I have more of a Anxious Attachement style.
So, I met a man like a month ago through a dating app. From my side I do consider it was love at first sight, he was so amazing and I was so into him that I have already showed him that through my behavior (mistake 1). The date went great, I noticed that we have some things in common, he was not really so talkative, but clearly he knew when and what to say to entertain me and I considered that is how he is, not all people are talkative and that is ok. I considered I should break the ice and let him know more about me since he seemed interested and now I noticed that I was talking like 80% of the whole date (mistake 2), but I did that also because he was the one who asked me questions about me, in general.
At the end of our date we were looking into each other eyes, I thanked him for the great time I had, he smiled a few times and and I really felt that he was having a good time with me too and also from both sides it felt so much chemistry between us.
After the date has ended, he made sure that I got back home safely which I found cute from him. I told him through text that I would like this to not end so soon and he told me we will see what future brings us. The next following days we were still chatting and texting, I think this was the honeymoon phase for him while he was constantly checking for myself, what I do, he was interested to know what I do and with who, I did not initiated contact with him at first so much because I did not wanted him to see me as desperate so I let him chase me and he really did because he was texting me first and I replied to his texts. Also, I had another account as a back-up and I addmit that I was spying him from time to time and I noticed that if I was not online from the account we were talking then he was simply not interested to talk with others and just quit. This really made me conclude that he likes me judging from all these aspects.
I told him that he can not tell me that we did not had any chemistry and he approved that we do had. The next days I noticed a little drop in his interest and I started to get anxious and was texting too much without realizing, I told him about personal development stuff, things that I assumed he was interested in, but I did not noticed he was already owerhelmed of me (mistake 3). The conversations started to get more serious as I have already panicked that I lost him and since he was told me he wants to meet me again I somehow reminded him of that and told him that I want to meet again with him (mistake 4) because I might triggered his independency and autonomy. He complained about the stuff he is dealing with, the less time and I told him in a way that he might did not enjoy that if you want to do something, you make time for that (mistake 5). I think he felt scolded by me, but I did not wanted to hurt him.
The next conversations were again me talking without realizing this guy is owerhelmed and it was late and he told me good night and that we will talk again.
and... guess what happened.... I was ghosted. I cried so many days and I started to read more what happened between us because he was gone without any explanation. I found out about avoidant attachement style, but I am still not sure if he is avoidant or dismissive.
I ended up stalking him since he did not shared his social medias with me and I have found out that he presented himself with her middle name and not first, but anyway I have found his social medias as I am good at stalking (lol). My concerns were right, he probably meets with other people because his IG looks he is already following like 20 new persons after I first checked his account ...like seriously... I did not meant anything to you man...
Also, another thing is that I have wrote him on Whatsapp while he was still in the honeymoon phase, but he did not replied or opened my chat at that time and was still using the dating app we were talking then ...(I noticed that after like a week he ghosted me) he has finally read my Whatsapp message, but did not said anything to me as the message was very old. I am thinking he is also stalking me now because he checks his Whatsapp from time to time and quit very quick. I know he has 2 mobile phones because I saw them, maybe he was giving me his 2nd phone number he use for „one night stands” - so cruel.
I know that I did so many mistakes which made him deactivate towards me, I am sorry, I did not knew, but I do not get it at all. Why he has told me that we will talk to each other again (if his real intentions were not), why he has told me that he wants to find some time to meet again soon (if his real intentions were not), why he has still talked to me like 2 more weeks after our first date (if his real intentions were not seeing me ever ever again).
I feel so used and sad I think he never saw me attractive or wanted anything with me than a date which really affected my mental health. He left me without any explanation though I was told him to be respectful towards me and tell me if he does not want anything with me so I can move on because I would be fine with that if he has told me as I am having abandonment issues and it would help me to heal faster than if he would ghost me. He also told me to do the same with him.
What do you think guys has happened between us? He was not interested in me at all? I learn now more about no contact rules. I never texted him after he ghosted me (Even though I have noticed he checked my message which I sent on his Whatsapp a week ago). I would like to re-attract him and be less clingy as I have learnt from my mistakes.