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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:19:51 GMT
Women's desire.
Men who miss being desired by their partner cant always understand when their partner is not in the moode after a long day being in masculine mode at work and in cartaking mode with the children.
When a man feels amired and desired by his woman, It makes him feel masculine.
But desire cannot exist under pressure. Desire is affected by how we feel. Especially for women.
We live in a masculine driven society.
Women perform at work and in relation to children and school, they are oten the one who plans birthdays, family gartherings ect. - they often carrie the practical and the mental load in the family.
If you have children and the children have been put to sleep by the woman, she can be drained and exausted.
So when the man wants attention from her and wants sex with her, she can get annoyed. She is tired of giving, and having children close to her.
She dosent have more enegy left. She can get annoyed at the man and see him as demanding.
For women, being able to give in, to feel connected to their partner, she has to get into recieving mode ....(feminine mode)
Men needs to learn to gain an insight into what a woman needs. Ask if there is something you can do for her. Accept that she is exausted.
Energeticly women are more sensitive to stress.
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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:22:41 GMT
Did you know that women often gets penetrated to fast before their Yoni is ready and they therefore overrule their own boundaries / gets their body's boundaries crossed which can lead to less desire for sex ? That the Yoni is the most intimate part of the woman's body and by saying yes (to sex) when her body means no, can damage a womens selfworth and can make her feel bad ?. That massage can help a woman to warm up from the inside out ? That masculine sexuality where it's about giving the woman as many orgasms as possible, can damage the feminine (sex) drive ? How to penetrate a woman and how to make sure you’ve got a hell yes before penetrating youtu.be/W2a9CakvPmQ |
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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:32:41 GMT
Life crises:
The sexual act is the place where men label themselves the most '
When we are in a life crisis, the importance of bodily contact and physical intimacy cannot be underestimated, neither in men nor women. The experience of feeling valued and loved means that we produce stress-relieving hormones and at the same time regulate our nervous system, says sexologist.
While many women lose their desire for sex more quickly and instead prefer conversation, care and closeness as another form of intimate contact when they end up in a crisis, it is often the opposite for men.
“For many men, the sexual act is the place where they feel the most. This is where they really are in touch with their emotions and here they can sense themselves on a deeper level. If men experience a stress load over a long period of time, they will therefore have more desire for sex, '.
But for some men, the opposite happens in a life crisis, so the discouragement can instead cause them to lose their desire completely or become impotent.
Yet the importance of bodily contact and physical intimacy when we are in a crisis cannot be underestimated, and this applies to both men and women. For the body contact and the feeling of being appreciated and loved, we produce stress-relieving hormones and at the same time regulate our nervous system. "
According to a sexologist, sex drive lies in our DNA, with men especially in the male sex hormone testosterone.
"Sex gives him discharge and makes him relax more, not least in a crisis."
The fear of losing one's masculinity.
“The woman wants the man to read her thoughts and feel how she feels and what she needs. He wants physical contact, like sex, but not just sex. And while she has suffered from their sexual intercourse and may have completely lost touch with her body, the man still has the drive, but may at some point feel like a sex monster. "
"In our culture there is an expectation that a real man is one who can more or less always perform sexually, which is a completely distorted picture."
According to the therapist and sexologist, it is still a taboo for men to talk about their feelings. Even though today there is a much greater acceptance that it is allowed to talk with his friends when things are not going well with the sex life.
“There are still many men who are not trained to put words on their emotions, while women easier for women.When a man ends up in a crisis, part of the explanation may be that he feels he has to perform across the board, yet still considers himself inadequate. He must be caring, present and present in the family, cultivate his friends, train his body and make sure he is insightful.
Women who are in a life crisis have often neglected their own needs for a long time to be as good as possible for others and at work. Common to men and women is that they do not feel that they are striking and that they have overheard their body's signals for too long. "
So if You are a woman and your boyfriend is stressed
out and he wants sex, give IT to him. (But not if You cross your own boundaries). By helping him regulate his nerveussystem through sex, he can be more precent with you afterwards (and less strressed)
For some they want too much sex because of stress so that IT becomes too much for their partner. Then IT is No longer lovemaking but sex.
Then IT can Be a good idea to find out what are the stressors in your life and make some changes.
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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:38:31 GMT
This vita coaching by Layla Martin, is it also for men ? Yes, men can benefit from a vita coaching session as well and can use some of the techniques from the programme. It is recommended that men also give themselves pleasure by massaging their testicals with coconut oil, doing breathwork (yang/yin breath), ect… youtu.be/kBteHbS5Rsc |
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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:49:56 GMT
The preocuppied ambivalent and sex - do you use sex as comfort ?:
Confusing Sex and Love::
Often, individuals with Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment adaptation crave true intimacy but use sex as a means to feel loved. During adolescence, this may present as a promiscuous teen searching for Secure Attachment lacking in their childhood and caregiver relationships.
The desperate need to feel constantly reassured and validated, even through false means, can temporarily provide reassurance, but may quickly fade once they are separated from their sexual partner, generating even more anxiety than before."
(Diane Poole Heller)
A sextherapist/therapist says:
If you use sex to feel desired and appreciated, you use sex as comfort.
The dominant feelings are not lust and love, but anxiety, nervousness and the fear of being abandoned. So your primary wish is not pleasure, but security and confirmation. Sex is only a way to get this.
When you use sex as comfort, it has negative consequences, which in time can destroy both your sex and love life.
The classic example: The woman who exchanges sex for love.
In my work as a sexologist and a therapist, I often meet couples where the woman feels the pressure to have sex for the sake of the husband. She lacks love and attention, but the only way she can awaken the man's interest is to agree to sex.
On the other hand, the man is hard at showing soreness and emotion. For him, sex is the place he's easiest to open.
Both the woman and the man therefore use sex to achieve something else.
The basic problem: Insecure attachment
It all starts with lack of confidence in the relationship. If you are basically angry with your attatchment pattern, you doubt your partner and your relationship. You are unsure whether you can rely on your partner's love, interest and attention. The more unsafe your pattern is, the more you doubt.
If your connection pattern is nervous, you are worried about small signs of problems in the relationship. Your automated response is to reach out for your partner to make contact and confirm. Here, sex can be a way of getting attention and love.
If you only experience peace of mind in connection with sex, sex becomes obsessive. For example, if you've been scolding with your partner, you can push yourself to sex to create emotional contact and clean the air ("reconciliation"). Sex is no longer a source of joy, pleasure and love, but a way to conceal anxiety and nervousness.
Forced sex destroys the desire for physical intimacy, because sex and concern do not harmonize with each other. And when sex life suffers, it goes beyond the relationship.
Captive sex does not create emotional intimacy. Although there are lots of strong emotions involved in the sexual act, there is no real closeness and thus the relationship also loses one of its most important sources of cohesion, which of course has negative consequences.
Do you use sex as comfort?
Perhaps you use sex as comfort without knowing it. Sex life can easily be experienced intensely and well, though it is not really driven by desire and love. Perhaps you do not know other ways of having sex and do not think it's a problem? Or maybe you've just forgotten how it feels like having sex because you really really want to?
If in doubt, consider what you long for: Sex, loving touches or something completely third?
How to get a sex life based on enjoyment;
The best recipe for a sex life cleaned for comfort is to create peace of mind in your relationship. Confidence means that you dare to ask for what you really want, ie. You dare to say no to sex, and instead ask for a hug and get around.
Adding a safe behavior pattern is a big thing that requires hard work, but the reward is similarly high.
You become comfortable, when you find, that your partner wants you and that you are emotionally connected. When you feel connected, you are safe and you dare to be vulnerable and ask to get your needs met. The most important ways to create emotional connection are to be emotionally accessible to each other and to prioritize deep conversations.
While working on learning a safe behavior pattern, try to change your sexual habits.
For example, you can start by giving priority to loving physical touch every day, ie. hold hands, hug, lie close on the sofa, etc. In this way you will find that you can get the most without first offering sex. It may even be a good idea to completely avoid sex for a period of time, so you do not fall back in a negative pattern.
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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:51:24 GMT
The avoidant and sex - do you have numb sex?:
When sex Replaces Connection:
For Avoidantly Attached individuals, sex may have a heavy emphasis on the physical sensations rather than emotional connection. Since Avoidantly Attached individuals have difficulty expressing their needs, sex may become a way to artificially connect without fear of rejection.
Avoidant partners often withdraw if they feel too vulnerable and leave their partner feeling disconnected and dissatisfied. They may also forgo sex entirely, preferring the safety of pornography and masturbation.
(Diane Poole Heller)
A sextherapist/therapist says:
The problem arises when numb sex is the rule more than the exception.
People who find it difficult to combine sex and feelings are afraid to be vulnerable. They can not open emotionally because they find it difficult to trust others.
It seems that it´s typically men who have impersonal sex. In the sexual encounter, men generally focus more on movement and release, whereas women are often more absorbed by emotions. But there are of course also women who have sex without feelings.
Mechanical sex in the relationship is a bad sign.
Generally, mechanical sex is bad to a relationship, because it is the feelings that create cohesion. Therefore, I always ask for the emotional connection when I give couples sexological counseling.
Sex with presence and love is one of the best binders in the relationship, and if sex life is cold and mechanical, a wedge is shot between the parties, which in the long run, will ruin the relationship.
Most long-term relationships experience periods of too much everyday life and too little proximity, love and attraction. It also appears in sex life, where sex becomes a habit or something that has to be overcome quickly. But it may be the beginning of a negative spiral because mechanical sex creates even more distance.
When emotions, presence and play disappear, only mechanics are left.
4 Tips for sex with emotions:
If you find that the loving feelings have left the bedroom, there is cause for concern. Sex with feelings and love is one of the most important elements in a happy and stable relationship.
Here are some tips to get your feelings back in sex life:
Massage, foreplay and hug:
Hugging, massage and foreplay are great ways to practice combining emotions and body contact. Therefore, it is a good idea to give priority to loving touches and hug outside the bedroom.
Instead of thinking about touch as something that will lead to sex, think of touch as a way of giving love.
Eye contact:
The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Eye contact is one of the most important elements in deep emotional contact. If you think it's uncomfortable to see your partner in the eyes when you have sex, start cautiously with small periods of eye contact.
Recognize your desire:
Practice feeling your desire. What do you really want? Do you really want mechanically numb sex? Are you happy, or do you feel lonely and empty?
Do not do things, that you do not want. Do not be fooled with mediocre sex if it makes you unhappy. End your habit and duty!
Create emotional intimacy outside the bedroom:
Sex without feelings is rarely a problem that only appears in the bed. If your sex life has become cold and impersonal, start boosting the emotional contact outside the bed, for example by prioritizing deep conversations and loving touches.
When there is openness, closeness and confidence outside the bedroom, it affects the sex life. Partners who experience peace and cohesion can openly talk about feelings and desires without fear of rejection. And in bed they dare to throw the stitches and sink into joy by having good sex with loving feelings.
Remember:
Once committed some avidant partners can experience a lessening of their libido/sex drive. A once pretty sexually active partner can seem to lose interest sexually. Be careful not to take this personally. They would be this way with anyone and it has to do with them coming from families where there was not a lot of physical closeness. Now that you have become "deep family" to them they start to unconsciously revert back to the patterns of their childhood attachments, which probably did not include a lot of close physical contact. Of course you can continue to ask for physical contact but be patient with them and try to find ways of approaching that don't provoke a defensive response in your avoidant partner. Also be careful not to trigger a shame response when discussing this with your partner as they tend to feel ashamed and embarrassed about letting their partner down in this way. (Stan Tatkin)
Also check out Sue Johnson
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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:52:55 GMT
The disorganised (FA) and sex:
They can often have exstreme sex:
being promisquious, bsdm, S/M, over/underdog dynamics, or they can be scared of sex. Some can be very sexual/sensual.
People often say, that it is the best sex they ever had, having sex with a person with some desorganised attatchmentstyle.
They can be promiscuous.
They can be scared of sex
You can use it as confirmation and be uncritical about who you are having sex with. You can have sex with many people
Through sex they can experience closeness.
Power / powerlessness. Bondage, s / m sex ect.
Pain can be a way to relive past traumas. One may have a tendency to maintain the high nervous system arousel when having extreme sex. If the tension goes down, they may believe, that they are dying on the instinctive level. Sex with a secure person can feel boring.
Shame vs. shamelessness
Sex can be grounded with shame. Some are ashamed of their body. Also if you had been sexually abused.
Or some may be shameless.
You are shameless to yourself if you are being promiscues.
Because of their unregulated nerveussystem, sex often has to be more exstreme before they can feel anything.
Sex can also be a way to discharge ans.
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Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 20:59:52 GMT
Sex and dates: Wait to have sex with the one you date until you can't help it. Don't have sex on the first dates. Wait from the 2nd date up to 3 months. (Especially good advice for women, as they produce more oxytocin) Remember A bad sex match can, however, be a dealbreaker if sex is important to you. Remember the first date is just an appetizer. If you are having sex too fast, the steam can go off the relationship. As long as you don't know the other person, believe yourself. In 3 months you can investigate if the other person is a partner for you. Both partners must be enriched by the relationship. Remember the impact of oxytocin - expecialy in woman. Oxytocin makes women bond, when they are making love and they are touched on the breats and on the nipples. On the other hand: Mens testosteron can block the intake of oxytocin. so they are getting less bonded. Consider if you are ready to deal with a women who gets bonded to you, just by having sex. Are you ready for this kind of commitment ? verilymag.com/2016/05/oxytocin-sex-differences-women-hormones-bonding-sex-trustAs a Woman make sure That You are exclusive before You are having sex. Make sure That both of You put your datingprofiles on pause ect. Otherwice wait..... Use a condom until both of You have been tested. Needs behind sex Pure lust oxytocin Feeling masculine / feminine Confirmation - Correctness of the Love / the Relationship - Physically My Body Is Delicious - Inadequate Self-esteem Admiration - being a good lover Power - you can't do without me Discharge ANS the nervous system Experience intimacy / closeness Last |
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Post by anne12 on Mar 10, 2022 3:36:22 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Mar 10, 2022 8:02:32 GMT
What is Yin Sexuality?
Yin sexuality is a style of sex that is particularly attuned to women’s bodies and the feminine arousal system, but really great for everybody. A toolset of simple practices that support you to relax deeply during sex and intimacy, and how to share sex from this place with one another.
Most of us learn sex through stimulation and excitement, Yin sexuality is about the pathway to arousal through relaxation and accessing deep and profound pleasure states when the nervous system is down-regulated and on the safe side of the nervous system (ie when we are super relaxed and feel safe).
It’s all about slowing down, re-awakening tenderness and subtle sensation, moving away from dynamic energy, ‘being with’ rather than ‘doing’, feeling the power in receptivity and being passive. Rather than 'doing' sex, we become immersed in the experience of relaxing into the body, sensations and pleasure and let sex do us.
Once we attune to the Yin energies within, we find the orgasmic waves that already exist within us. Once we soften and release tension, tightness and control we release what is masking our true nature, and so much more pleasure becomes available to us.
We learn about finding movement in the stillness, cooling the energy - think of yin as the water and yang as the fire, we need both yin and yang in our sexuality, both fire and water, the problem is most of us don’t know, or aren’t as experienced in the ‘Yin’ style of sex and intimacy.
Yin Sexuality takes it’s roots from some neo-tantric practice and also blends and mixes with the latest neurological science around sex and relating.
How does it work?
The female arousal system needs safety, trust and relaxation to truly flourish, blossom and activate. We can feel pleasure through stimulation and excitement, but if over time this is not balanced with forms of sex that are restorative and relaxing we become depleted and start to feel sex as a drain on our energy.
This is often when (particularly) women complain and feel sex has become habitual, a chore and just one more thing on her to do list.
By learning how to relax the body deeply, by using breath and sound this gently regulates the nervous system to its parasympathetic response, opening the senses, awakening all the peripheral nerves (ie the whole body), and inviting in more sensation and ultimately pleasure.
Unprocessed emotional material that is stored in the body can sequence through the nervous system, releasing tension and making more space for deep and profound pleasure states that activate those delicious chemicals in the brain that create connection, intimacy and relaxed arousal.
How can it help me?
The foundations of Yin Sexuality include: Rejuvenation, Restoration and Relaxation.
Benefits range from physical and biological things like lowering stress levels, balancing hormones, to emotional and relational benefits like deeper connection to oneself and or partner/lover, to energetic benefits of deeper connection to sensation, feeling and subtle energy.
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Post by anne12 on Mar 10, 2022 8:20:09 GMT
Straighten and measure the ratio of the length of your index finger and the ring finger.
Is your ring finger much longer than your index finger? Then you are most likely male, very fertile, rich, good at sports and at risk of getting prostate cancer. Or you may be a lesbian, have a high level of intelligence, and be good at math.
A large number of research studies show a statistical relationship between masculine features and a shorter index finger than ring finger. The researchers believe the explanation lies in the testosterone level in the uterus. The more testosterone, the longer the ring finger.
If your ringfinger is longer than your index finger as a woman, then you will produce/have more testoron and there is a chance that you will produce less oxytocin / the bonding hormone when having sex, touching ect,
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Post by anne12 on Mar 10, 2022 8:28:59 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Mar 10, 2022 8:39:26 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Mar 10, 2022 8:44:07 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Mar 10, 2022 8:59:41 GMT
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