Post by anne12 on Mar 28, 2022 11:09:48 GMT
There are 3 systems running when making love:
When having sex, the tension in ans increases. This can trigger trauma as trauma connects with intensity
Attatchment
Sexuality
Survival
Therefore it can be a good idea to investigate your relationship to having sex ect.
Attachment, sexuality and trauma:
Examine yourself as a sexual being.
Examine how you have been influenced by your childhood and family.
• How hard is it for you to talk about sex? Does it make sense how your parents felt about sexuality?
• Do you talk to friends about your sexual experiences, e.g. how are your orgasms? If not, how can it be?
CHILDHOOD
• How did your parents behave in relation to your sexual explorations?
• Was there permission to be curious about body and sexuality?
• Did your family have secure boundaries? Had your parents a natural (casual) relationship to sensuality and sexuality?
• Was there guidance from the elderly? Did you get friendly answers to your questions about sex?
• How was nudity perceived in your family? How do you feel being naked - how are you doing with your body?
• Did you learn confusing religious attitudes toward sex?
PUBERTY
• Did you have a natural sexual development during puberty?
• Were there any stages of sexual development? eg. lacks flirtation in many who have been subjected to early incest and abuse
• How did your mother react or your father that you became a sexually active creature?
• Did one or both of your parents behave inappropriately / badly? How? Has this been healed?
• Did your father retire when you became sexually mature and sexually attractive?
• Were you celebrated or shamed in your new sexual identity?
• Did you feel open and alive or scared and shut down during your puberty?
• Is there a sexual or sensual experience that you remember as particularly crucial?
• What happens when you think of your first kiss? (sensations, moods, associations, feelings)
• How was your sexual debut? Beautiful? Daunting? Exciting? Delicious? Unpleasant? Confusing? Other things? o Were you ready? o Was it the right partner? o Was it as you had hoped or believed? • Is there anything you wish had been different?
• Is there anything you want to bring back with you from your early youth?
Overall, How do you convert Secure attatchment; SEXSUALITY; SENSUALITY AND INTIMACY in couples relationship:
• When you are considering having sex, what do you get from
o Associations
o Pictures
o Sensations
o Memories
• Which is harder: talking about sex or having sex?
• Is there a difference between loving and having sex?
• Do you prefer hugs and emotional touch?
• Are you open to spooning?
• Do you sometimes feel sexually aroused?
• Do you have periods where you do not bother to be sexual?
• Do you experience that you have traumas related to being sexual?
• Have you experimented with tantra sex, where you allow your bodies to build the energy up slowly with rhythmic waves of ignition and short pauses to get even higher tension in orgasm?
• Can you have orgasms? ( many women can not, or do not think they can, because all forms of orgasm other than clitoral orgasm can be more subtle and distributed)
• What are your favorite positions?
• Do you feel free to make lots of noises during lovemaking?
• Do you masturbate?
• Can you find your own source of enjoyment?
• How do you build your erotic energy?
• What helps you feel safe and connected with a partner?
• With whom have you felt most attractive / confused / tense / creative / legend / investigative?
• Who have you been most attracted to / confused / tense / creative / playful / investigating?
• What part of your sexuality would you like to get rid of with / repeat / have more available?
• Which movies or books have had a positive effect on your sexuality?
• Do you prefer food, TV or sex
Last
When having sex, the tension in ans increases. This can trigger trauma as trauma connects with intensity
Attatchment
Sexuality
Survival
Therefore it can be a good idea to investigate your relationship to having sex ect.
Attachment, sexuality and trauma:
Examine yourself as a sexual being.
Examine how you have been influenced by your childhood and family.
• How hard is it for you to talk about sex? Does it make sense how your parents felt about sexuality?
• Do you talk to friends about your sexual experiences, e.g. how are your orgasms? If not, how can it be?
CHILDHOOD
• How did your parents behave in relation to your sexual explorations?
• Was there permission to be curious about body and sexuality?
• Did your family have secure boundaries? Had your parents a natural (casual) relationship to sensuality and sexuality?
• Was there guidance from the elderly? Did you get friendly answers to your questions about sex?
• How was nudity perceived in your family? How do you feel being naked - how are you doing with your body?
• Did you learn confusing religious attitudes toward sex?
PUBERTY
• Did you have a natural sexual development during puberty?
• Were there any stages of sexual development? eg. lacks flirtation in many who have been subjected to early incest and abuse
• How did your mother react or your father that you became a sexually active creature?
• Did one or both of your parents behave inappropriately / badly? How? Has this been healed?
• Did your father retire when you became sexually mature and sexually attractive?
• Were you celebrated or shamed in your new sexual identity?
• Did you feel open and alive or scared and shut down during your puberty?
• Is there a sexual or sensual experience that you remember as particularly crucial?
• What happens when you think of your first kiss? (sensations, moods, associations, feelings)
• How was your sexual debut? Beautiful? Daunting? Exciting? Delicious? Unpleasant? Confusing? Other things? o Were you ready? o Was it the right partner? o Was it as you had hoped or believed? • Is there anything you wish had been different?
• Is there anything you want to bring back with you from your early youth?
Overall, How do you convert Secure attatchment; SEXSUALITY; SENSUALITY AND INTIMACY in couples relationship:
• When you are considering having sex, what do you get from
o Associations
o Pictures
o Sensations
o Memories
• Which is harder: talking about sex or having sex?
• Is there a difference between loving and having sex?
• Do you prefer hugs and emotional touch?
• Are you open to spooning?
• Do you sometimes feel sexually aroused?
• Do you have periods where you do not bother to be sexual?
• Do you experience that you have traumas related to being sexual?
• Have you experimented with tantra sex, where you allow your bodies to build the energy up slowly with rhythmic waves of ignition and short pauses to get even higher tension in orgasm?
• Can you have orgasms? ( many women can not, or do not think they can, because all forms of orgasm other than clitoral orgasm can be more subtle and distributed)
• What are your favorite positions?
• Do you feel free to make lots of noises during lovemaking?
• Do you masturbate?
• Can you find your own source of enjoyment?
• How do you build your erotic energy?
• What helps you feel safe and connected with a partner?
• With whom have you felt most attractive / confused / tense / creative / legend / investigative?
• Who have you been most attracted to / confused / tense / creative / playful / investigating?
• What part of your sexuality would you like to get rid of with / repeat / have more available?
• Which movies or books have had a positive effect on your sexuality?
• Do you prefer food, TV or sex
Last