Post by ron on May 22, 2022 19:43:59 GMT
I have been reading a lot of threads on this Forum and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed-seeing how far I have to go to becoming more Secure. Reading the Forum I have developed more compassion for DAs and how they developed their style and what their experience of relationships and life, in general, is like for them. I still wouldn't knowingly get involved with a DA since, unless they are a very mild version, would likely be triggering for me. Another Anxious Avoidant dance isn't good for anybody. My compassion for DAs is linked to greater compassion for myself, which seems to have grown in tandem. Having grown up with a Borderline PD mother and a Schizoid PD father never prepared me to have any self-compassion. I am working with a therapist currently and she often gives me homework to complete between sessions. I am compulsive about completing every assignment but recently struggled when she asked me to create some self-affirming statements to focus on. It was one of the hardest writing assignments I have had to ever deal with. I finally completed the exercise but what I came up with felt completely phony and like none of the statements applied to me at all. Applicable to other people, but not to me. I never realized quite how harsh I am with myself. I think some of this harsh judgementalism carries over to how I view others too. I never really saw myself as such a judgmental person and this experience was very eye-opening for me. The most helpful recovery tool for me so far is reading this Forum. I feel like I am in a huge group therapy process, with some members insecure in the way that I am, some insecure in other ways and with many members further along the growth process towards Secure than I am.