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Post by stellar1969 on Dec 9, 2017 17:42:14 GMT
The thing that struck me as odd is that you said there never was any chemistry or connection, even in the beginning. Most stories begin with a really good connection at first, which is why it's so baffling when it abruptly ends. The connection in the beginning is what "hooks" their partner into the cycle. This is what confuses me the most about all this. In order to have a connection with someone both parties have to e open, communicative and vulnerable. A connection would be impossible otherwise. DA 's are incabaple of any of those....that's what makes them DA! So like I said, how could there be a connection? She never shared anything of depth or vulnerability with me, nor did she ask anything the same of me. Very very emotionaly closed off and whenever I tried to bring up anything that involved emotions, feelings, depth she just shut down. David, read Satoris post again and really let it sink in. DA's all have some things in common, but they are still individuals and all of our stories are similar but also VERY different. Mine couldn't keep his hands off of me and our chemistry never waned for the 18 months we were involved. I wish that meant he loved me, but it doesnt. He also told me that I was probably the only person in his life that truly cares for him, yet when I posed him with the fact that our relationship was not in balance and could he put in more effort, all I got was silence. Still silence. Only had one sentence from in over two months. I know you want to pull it all apart and figure her out, but its impossible. We cannot know what is going on in their head. I miss mine everyday, but it gets easier each day too. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2017 19:55:06 GMT
The first 4 traits mirror my DA's, plus it was a LDR and he would disappear for weeks on vacations, for family time, for work, etc. A super workaholic to busy himself to give meaning to his life.
The other difference is he likes physical intimacy. Still, the similarities are striking.
What I can assure everyone is that it does get better. It got worse after we met again post No Contact, but I started talking to other potential dates, and even though i haven't met someone I really like, just being with normal dates feel really good.
His avoidance based on his insecurities about me fueled my own self-doubt and insecurity, so yes, he would have been toxic for me in the long run.
Enjoy the time dating, laugh, don't take it all too seriously.
I also come here to read the heart-breaking accounts of those who broke up after years to remind myself what I'm "missing" in my life.
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Post by yasmin on Dec 11, 2017 1:15:37 GMT
One very telling thing my FA said to me when we first met was that he often found physical intimacy the "easiest way to connect". At the time I remember thinking that was a weird thing to say (for me physical intimacy follows and is closely linked to emotional intimacy) but now I can see he was telling me that he was able to be intimate with his body quite easily but found it a lot harder to do that emotionally.
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