In my experience, there are two ways to look at this. In my case I could have continued repeating my pattern as I had for the previous 20 years. Instead, I stopped and started having a good look at my behaviour that contributed to that pattern.
Please, my intention is not victim blaming. In fact I think blame is a pretty useless word in circumstances like these where people are acting from subconscious triggers mostly brought on by trauma - on both sides.
It takes two to tango. While it’s possible for a securely attached person to be temporarily waived, the more common circumstance is for both to be insecurely attached. This is either an opportunity to grow or not I assure you from my own experience that these are patterns that don’t stop when they’re ignored. They just keep popping up again and again.
I did not read any blaming of anyone on this post. I saw individuals providing insight and personal feedback.