Post Break up communication Nov 4, 2022 19:49:19 GMT
Post by cleebo on Nov 4, 2022 19:49:19 GMT
My DA girlfriend told me a month ago (on my birthday) that she loved me but "not as a man and woman should". She said I deserved more and she is not able to give me that. She said she didn't want to lose me but can't offer me a relationship other than friendship.
I accepted this and told her we should break up and i've seen this through mostly except for replying to her numerous and regular texts 3 times repeating the same the same thing... that I need time out without contact to heal. She's been persistent, looking for emotional validation but I've held firm to my decision.
Today she sent me this text in response to me telling her that I can't have contact :
"Who says there can't be any contact during this time? That's your take...but where am I .....? We could always talk about everything, we were open and we cried together... how are we supposed to work through everything without talking? I think it's a pity that you just decide that without even talking to me a little! It doesn't feel right and I'm very sorry for your behavior."
We've had a push pull relationship for years that has left me exhausted and jaded. it started as an emotional affair (she was my client) and progressed into a whirlwind romance. I left my partner. It's been a mess and I have paid the price for my dishonesty. After moving cities to "start a new life with her', she got cold feet almost as soon as I arrived. She is enmeshed with her adult daughter who lived with us and sought intensity outside of our relationship (family, work, friends, sport). I was included in some outings/activities but she made sure that time alone with me was limited. She shut me down whenever I tried to address issues and insisted on emotional independence.
She would critisize how i ate, looked, dressed and openly drooled over handsome actors and sportsmen. She lied twice about her contact with an ex lover (a married man who she had an affair with for 8 years) and joked about her past sexual exploits with her pals in front of me. She asked me to move out and things got more distant. She grudgingly spent 10 nights max. at my new place over the last couple of years. The other time we had together was under her terms and conditions. I chased her almost constantly and from time to time she would reluctantly yield . To be fair, she is a very generous person and gave me many beautiful gifts but her ambivalence and emotional and physical absence triggered every insecurity i have. I became a shadow of myself, riddled with jealousy and constant insecurities. I sulked and behaved like a small boy, a victim even, and could not recognise myself at times. I loathed the way I was and my inability to get up and walk away.
Over the last 6 months she has been completely distracted, distant and extremely active in her social life spending almost every weekend away, partying with friends and her daughter. She presents herself as a single woman and moved mostly with younger women (her daughters friends) who were single. She's 54. I gradually started to withdraw and prepare myself for the inevitable break up. She told me a couple of times and showed me with her actions that she wasn't committed to our relationship and was checking out. Sex and intimacy had been sparse for a few years and she hasn't said I love you for at least a year. It would be no shock to me if she had an affair or at least intrigue during our time together.
I came upon info about attachment styles which has cleared a lot up for me.
I feel like I'm at rock bottom but resolute in my decision to detach, grieve, heal and move on.