GUILT/SHAME: Will FA Return to a Strong Bond Situationship?

No one is debating there are different types of love. But healthy mature love is not unconditional. Sure, have compassion and love for her, but what about for you? When does it cross a line that loving her becomes not loving yourself? I am an FA, I have done the therapy, read the books and practice a fair helping of mindfulness and loving kindness towards other. I left my marriage despite loving my partner. Why? Because I had to love myself first and foremost. Loving him unconditionally lead to a partner who treated me poorly over and over. There was no amount of "safety" I could offer him to stop treating me that way. In fact I would say the more I loved him, the more he disrespected me. "Any club that would have me as a member I do not want to belong to" comes to mind here. When I set boundaries and left, he finally respected me enough to do the work and now we have a working friendship.

You are beating a dead horse, and all of us having experienced versions of this before are just trying to have you change your focus to yourself instead of her. I believe you were already referred to baggage reclaim and I am going to second that. Her blog and podcast are great resources.

You accuse her of not wanting to deal with her problems. But this outward focus is you not wanting to face your own demons and emotionally unavailability.