Post by meaganf4 on Nov 21, 2024 18:04:21 GMT
I’ve been dating someone who I early on suspected is avoidant. I’m a former avoidant/possible FA and now would say earned secure, so I feel I caught on early but was going to see how it played out.
we ended up ending it amicably when I asked for more from him, and he stated he wasn’t able to.
what keeps lingering for me, how he was so incredibly warm and kind and playful and open and basically the perfect boyfriend on our dates, which is also why it was hard to let go even though I could pick up on the avoidance. sex was incredibly intimate and the whole interaction just felt so good.
we had no contact between dates other than to plan, which I’m fine with since I don’t like texting either, but when he’d reach out to plan dates started getting further out and it became more of me initiating which I wasn’t comfortable with.
so my question is, can someone offer a glimpse of this mental space? is it compartmentalization? how is one able to “play the role” so well yet not want more? none of it was fake as he did admit he cares about me, but not capable of more. there was no love bombing or future faking.
this doesn’t seem like a classic case of deactivation as it’s been consistent from date 1, when there was zero pressure or expectation.
when I was in my avoidant space, I was more classically all in until deactivation so this kind of behavior is confusing to me.
any insight would be so much appreciated!
we ended up ending it amicably when I asked for more from him, and he stated he wasn’t able to.
what keeps lingering for me, how he was so incredibly warm and kind and playful and open and basically the perfect boyfriend on our dates, which is also why it was hard to let go even though I could pick up on the avoidance. sex was incredibly intimate and the whole interaction just felt so good.
we had no contact between dates other than to plan, which I’m fine with since I don’t like texting either, but when he’d reach out to plan dates started getting further out and it became more of me initiating which I wasn’t comfortable with.
so my question is, can someone offer a glimpse of this mental space? is it compartmentalization? how is one able to “play the role” so well yet not want more? none of it was fake as he did admit he cares about me, but not capable of more. there was no love bombing or future faking.
this doesn’t seem like a classic case of deactivation as it’s been consistent from date 1, when there was zero pressure or expectation.
when I was in my avoidant space, I was more classically all in until deactivation so this kind of behavior is confusing to me.
any insight would be so much appreciated!
