Post by david21 on Dec 30, 2017 1:38:18 GMT
Unlike a lot of the stories I read on here my ex was never the pursuer in the relationship. Therefore, I was never "hooked" into the relationship via her seduction, love bombing etc, whatever you want to call it (some say that's enough evidence alone to suggest she wasn't DA. However, based on my research I'm quite confident that's not the case). She was cold, emotionless, standoffish, aloof right from the get go and made it clear (via her actions) that her work, friends and pretty much everything else was a priority before me/us, all the while vehemently maintaining, whenever I questioned her about it, that she felt the same for me as I did for her, and that "just because she didn't show it" didn't mean she didn't feel the same as I did.
I miss her terribly, to the point that it effects my everyday life. But here's the thing, when I ask myself what I miss....I come up empty handed? I can't say I miss the nice things she did for me as she never did a single thing for me, not even so much as a simple gesture that would suggest she was thinking about me.
I can't say I miss her hugs, kisses, cuddling etc as she hated any sort of affection. Especially hugs, boy did she hate hugs!
I can't say I miss our great talks as she only ever wanted to talk about surface level things. Never anything deep or of substance.
I can't say I miss her friendship as she never made any attempt to get to know me on a deeper level. Nor did she ask much about my family. Not even about my mother who I lost as an adolescent to cancer....despite me bringing it up a few times in an effort to spark a conversation as it was a pivotal point in my life and something I most certainly would want my partner knowing and understanding about me.
I can't even say I miss the sex as it was JUST like the relationship - completely one sided, with a lack of interest in my needs/body/desires.
For me, I believe getting to the core of "what I miss" (when there's clearly nothing TO miss) will be the key to my recovery as I feel that the fact that I miss her at all is a testament to just how "unhealthy" I am.
I miss her terribly, to the point that it effects my everyday life. But here's the thing, when I ask myself what I miss....I come up empty handed? I can't say I miss the nice things she did for me as she never did a single thing for me, not even so much as a simple gesture that would suggest she was thinking about me.
I can't say I miss her hugs, kisses, cuddling etc as she hated any sort of affection. Especially hugs, boy did she hate hugs!
I can't say I miss our great talks as she only ever wanted to talk about surface level things. Never anything deep or of substance.
I can't say I miss her friendship as she never made any attempt to get to know me on a deeper level. Nor did she ask much about my family. Not even about my mother who I lost as an adolescent to cancer....despite me bringing it up a few times in an effort to spark a conversation as it was a pivotal point in my life and something I most certainly would want my partner knowing and understanding about me.
I can't even say I miss the sex as it was JUST like the relationship - completely one sided, with a lack of interest in my needs/body/desires.
For me, I believe getting to the core of "what I miss" (when there's clearly nothing TO miss) will be the key to my recovery as I feel that the fact that I miss her at all is a testament to just how "unhealthy" I am.
