Best description I've read of a relationship with a DA

For me, understanding and having a label for what the heck is going on with my boyfriend, and why he does the things he does, is incredibly helpful. Understanding that he is DA, and that his behaviors are normal and typical for someone with that attachment style, and that it's not something I should take as a personal affront, this has actually been very helpful to me and has allowed our relationship to continue. It's given me a great deal more understanding and compassion towards him. It's also enabled me to identify the other key DAs in my life, including one of my parents and my only sibling. This has helped me in my interactions with them and in practicing forgiveness, particularly towards my DA parent, who I've always harbored a lot of resentment towards for not being close and supportive like I see other parents doing so effortlessly.

*If the descriptions above about cheating and flirting applied to my boyfriend (they don't) I would definitely not continue the relationship. 

It seems like there's a trend on here to just keep the spotlight on yourself, and not have any tone of pointing fingers or blaming DAs for their actions, but in my case, I think discovering the whole concept of attachment styles, and finally having a name for my parent, my boyfriend, my sibling, etc. has been very freeing. For some of us, the label is really important. Yes, we all have our own issues and things to work on (I know that having a DA parent for me caused some real damage that I need to attend to). We are here to talk about the DAs in our lives, how their behaviors impact us, and to learn from other DAs who give their time here, what is the best way to approach and interact with them (this to me is very valuable info). 

I think it goes without saying that we are all working on ourselves, or need to work on ourselves, and that trying to understand what's going on in our relationships is what brought us here in the first place. For a lot of people passing through here, understanding why they stuck in a relationship for so long when they were surviving on the tiniest crumbs of affection, is a really important question to answer, and many find that it goes all the way back to childhood.

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I absolutely agree with summer. For me, information is important in keeping things in perspective. For me as an AP, understanding that the dynamic is not personal is key to managing my expectations and emotions, as well as help me to figure out what i truly need (versus my neediness). As I struggle between deciding to leave him and working things out, the information about DAs helps me to come up with a plan to help myself as I can identify what my triggers are through relating to others. It's not about labelling them and focusing only on them - I full well understand what an AP feels like in the middle of a panic mode, but it's much more difficult to understand clearly what my triggers are. Reading helps me relate to my own experiences, and hence, I also tend to ask questions about DAs.