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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2018 19:15:09 GMT
Would be interesting to have more details! So, as an avoidant/borderline secure, does it mean that you'd rather attract another avoidant? Would this work? Or simply someone who would give you space enough to continue being as independent as possible? It's funny, as an AP, I wouldn't actually dream of being together with another AP. you never really know until you have some contact with a person, but right off the bat i have some phrases that even I as an avoidant steer clear of based on experience: “no drama”. (duh?! and that to me indicates it’s everyone else that causes drama, not you huh? spare me.) profile tells you they are so so so busy - heads up, we haven’t even met and they want me to know they are unavailable. gotcha, next. over 40 and never married? come on, you’re not even trying lol lots more, i will be back! 😁 |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 3, 2018 19:16:49 GMT
my last relationship was wirh another DA and i loved it, but we were in different phases of our recovery (he much newer to awareness and still sorting out a lot) and there were external factors that precipitated the end, but yes i liquid love a healthier avoidant haha Makes me wonder if this is a major difference between DAs and APs, or just you? But it's not that strange...I would also like to be with someone (secure) who could respond to my needs of (emotionnal) closeness. |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 3, 2018 19:20:08 GMT
Haha, good examples, tgat! Oh yes, I would jump straight over to the next profile if I read those descriptions! Do come with more  |
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Post by BreakingTheSpell on Feb 3, 2018 22:14:07 GMT
Thank you! I have never read "Match me if you can". What kind of book is it? It is not a book. It is a line that appears often written in people's profiles. It is the app where you swipe left or right... to "match". |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 3, 2018 22:21:54 GMT
Oh right! Haha, now I get it. Yeah, I have read variations of that one on Tinder. Or "I'm hard to please, are you up for the challenge?"
Nope! Next...
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 3, 2018 23:10:31 GMT
"I like doing my own thing and am looking for someone who does the same"
No foolproof way of knowing without talking to someone, but it's a heads up.
I personally enjoy the huge lists of demands; from build and height, activity level and dresscode to the education I need to have for the privilege of coming into contact with you. No thanks.
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Post by yasmin on Feb 3, 2018 23:29:50 GMT
I think it's a good sign someone is FA if their profile has been on the site for more than 3 years or if it keeps getting deleted and put back on again!!!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 0:04:39 GMT
I think it's a good sign someone is FA if their profile has been on the site for more than 3 years or if it keeps getting deleted and put back on again!!! [br good eye!! 😂 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 0:08:59 GMT
"I like doing my own thing and am looking for someone who does the same" No foolproof way of knowing without talking to someone, but it's a heads up. I personally enjoy the huge lists of demands; from build and height, activity level and dresscode to the education I need to have for the privilege of coming into contact with you. No thanks. omg yes! and, i love how they want me to look good muddy in jeans and also a little black dress, as if they are looking for an accessory to their lifestyle. Pass!!! |
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Post by ocarina on Feb 4, 2018 0:23:24 GMT
This is probably a symptom of my attachment style but I am mightily eyerollingly suspicious of OLD - anyone who thinks I fit some kind of list of requirements or thinks they know me after a page or so of talk is just not my kind of person. It takes me months if not years to become comfortable enough to engage with any kind of intimacy and as a result "dating" just doesn't fit.
I remind myself of a horse always looking suspiciously out of the corner of it's eye ready to spot something frightening and bolt in the other direction. If I was looking for someone secure I would avoid me - given away by my unconventionality, hectic schedule, hefty list of hobbies and interests, love of solitude, multiple children, Buddhist leanings (think detachment rather than enlightenment here!).
Funnily enough I am friends with a man who would be suited to me relationship wise - but reading his bio he has published and written such an absurdly large amount of stuff that he just couldn't possibly have had time to be in a relationship. Other warning signs would have to be being heavily involved in very dangerous sports ie mountaineering or paragliding.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 0:34:21 GMT
Would be interesting to have more details! So, as an avoidant/borderline secure, does it mean that you'd rather attract another avoidant? Would this work? Or simply someone who would give you space enough to continue being as independent as possible? It's funny, as an AP, I wouldn't actually dream of being together with another AP. my last relationship was wirh another DA and i loved it, but we were in different phases of our recovery (he much newer to awareness and still sorting out a lot) and there were external factors that precipitated the end, but yes i would love a healthier avoidant haha i am pretty dang secure but have deep avoidant traits even being happy and i attribute that to a severe history of abuse , and some things i just am slow on changing if i ever will. I think another DA could work in the long run (if they were self aware) for me, I only wonder how that relationship could even get off the ground. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 0:55:17 GMT
my last relationship was wirh another DA and i loved it, but we were in different phases of our recovery (he much newer to awareness and still sorting out a lot) and there were external factors that precipitated the end, but yes i would love a healthier avoidant haha i am pretty dang secure but have deep avoidant traits even being happy and i attribute that to a severe history of abuse , and some things i just am slow on changing if i ever will. I think another DA could work in the long run (if they were self aware) for me, I only wonder how that relationship could even get off the ground. mary, it took forever. seriously. but it was good. i just talked to him about some plants we are exchanging soon, he asked how i was and i told him i was doing good, putting in energy to work on my issues. He said he is too. I told him if he gets to a better place where he thinks he could do better consistency, hit me up. it would be totally worth another shot if he did some work on his own. So , you never know. We agree that what we had was very special and are both thankful for it. I am in a good place of acceptance and feeling ok about the breakup, and i know when i am ready to move forward i would love to find a self aware DA like me b cause it was groovy. We hit a roadblock but still.... awareness is the key. |
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