Chronic last minute planning is this an avoidant behaviour? Sept 7, 2023 2:36:27 GMT via mobile
Post by SpeakCzar on Sept 7, 2023 2:36:27 GMT
And yes- you accept her as she is and make a decision for yourself. You will get over it, and in time be able to move on from it.
And for the record, for her sake, I really hope she grows into someone capable of intimate and vulnerable relationships. As it is right now, she can’t, and based on her inability to take accountability for her avoidance and lack of empathy, she likely won’t for while. As you and I both noted, it’s not right to expect her to grow into that anytime soon, if at all. If she turns that corner and decides to contact me in sincerity and not manic hysterics, then I might be open to chat, in the highly unlikely event I haven’t found someone.
People aren’t their parents, but I lived in the same town as her parents and would hangout with them multiple times a week.. stay over at their house for the night.. cook them dinner, go to breakfast, hike, bible study, list goes on. I’d mow their yard and help them fix their house. I never once saw her parents kiss, tell each other they loved each other, or even touched. No hugging, no cuddling on the couch, I actually hated this part. There was a couple times where the mom would ask the husband to sit near her, and he’d either completely ignore her and or just say “you can sit near me”. This pissed me off. I wanted to cuddle with her because I loved her, and it was a weird dynamic. They’re hurting. not even kind words. The husband slept on the couch with me most nights. This behavior was the same towards her daughter. She’s got a long road ahead of her, it’s been a fucking battle working on myself to make sure I don’t treat my future partner like my dad treats my mom. She’s not even close to being aware.
My convo with her mom after the breakup, she said her and her husband make it work. They just avoid their problems. She had always just gotten busy with work, and she says it works for them.
Valentines was coming up and I asked what he was doing for her, he said nothing. Lol. Told him to make dinner and clean the kitchen. He did and she confided in me that it was insanely special. Felt like I was saving their relationship as well as mine with her daughter..